“I think you know,” I pant, and my eyes close when his palm cups my breast.
“Tell me what you want, Willa.”
Visions rush through my brain. All the moments he could have been there. Holding my hand and crying with me at the news of my pregnancy, holding my hand during her birth, smiling with me, changing our first diaper together. Images of us as a family. But those moments were taken from him, and I can’t give them back. So, I respond with what I truly do want. “You.”
His lips crush against mine. “Jesus, Willa, you have me. You always have.” His lips break from mine, and he feathers kisses down my neckline, working his way back up until he’s sucking my ear lobe into his mouth. “Two years, I’ve fantasized about having you back in my arms.” His hands are rough, gripping my waist as if he’s worried I’ll disappear. “There wasn’t a single night I didn’t lay restless in my bed wondering where you were, what you were doing. Were you thinking of me? Did you hurt as much as I did?”
His mouth works its way to my cheek, pressing gentle kisses to my chin, to my bottom lip. “Some nights, I would convince myself this was my punishment for leaving you. For taking the most beautiful thing you could ever offer me and never looking back. I replay that night in my head. The good, the bad, the way you smelled. The way you shivered in my arms. The way I kissed away every tear and swallowed your moans. I’ve missed you, Willa. I’ve missed you so damn much.”
He deepens our kiss, and my fingernails graze up his back until they’re tugging at his hair, holding him closer to me. This feels unreal. I tighten my grip, fearing if I let go, I won’t get him back. Our hands become frantic. Primal need takes over, and we tear at each other’s clothes until we’re both naked.
“You’re so beautiful. You’ve always been so damn beautiful.” His head dips, and his mouth covers my breast, biting at my nipple. I wince at the sudden pain, but it morphs quickly into a breathless moan as he sucks my flesh into his mouth.
“Oh god,” I whimper. “I’ve missed you too. I’ve wished for you to appear so many darn times in my dreams. There were times I swore I saw you. Tell me you’re real. Please tell me you’re real.”
“Does this feel real?” His hands slide down between my thighs, finding my wet sex. He inserts a finger inside me, then pulls back to insert another. “Does this feel like you’re dreaming, Willa?”
“God, no.” My back arches as my head tilts and my lips part. He works himself in and out of me, coating his fingers in my arousal. It’s been so long, and this simple touch is going to make me come.
“Jake,” I moan.
“Fuck, I miss my name on your lips. So damn much.” He starts working me faster, and my grip on him tightens as I begin to clench around his fingers.
“Oh, Jake,” I groan out.
He pushes my legs open and replaces his fingers with his cock. He works himself in and out, every thrust becoming more aggressive and demanding. “Jesus, Willa, you feel too good. Just like I remember. Perfect.”
Our need ignites inside us as we claw at one another to get closer. The rekindling of our souls creates a fire that threatens to burn the entire universe to ash. Jake has always been my lifeline. Suddenly, I feel my heart beating again. With every thrust, he heals me, fills me with his love, his desire. He’s the antidote to all the poison I’ve consumed. He’s the reason I can finally breathe again.
My head arches back, and my lips part as a guttural moan travels up my throat. Jake grunts and takes my mouth while powering into me. Each thrust brings him deeper, and I cry out in pleasure. He captures my hips and works me fast and hard until we’re both flying over the edge of ecstasy.
“Jake, can I ask you something?” I nestle on top of him, resting my head on his chest.
“Anything.” He threads his fingers through my hair.
“What would you have done if I were home? You said you came back for me. Why? What were your intentions?”
He doesn’t answer at first, and it worries me. “To be honest…I wasn’t sure. I didn’t have a set plan. All I knew was I couldn’t take it any longer, and every day you ignored me drove me mad. What we shared…it did something to me. It opened up this floodgate of shit I’d been holding back. I couldn’t explain it, but everything else in my life started not to matter. I only cared about hearing from you. Having you tell me you felt the same way. And as time ticked on, so many negative things ran through my mind too. Did you think I took advantage of you? Did you hate me? Had you met someone, and this was your way of telling me goodbye?”
“Far from it.”
He presses his lips to the top of my head and continues. “So, finally, I came home. It was the first holiday break. I only had a three-day break and spent almost two of those traveling, but I had to see you. Even if it was for you to tell me to fuck off. But you weren’t there. Your mother went on and on about how you’d decided to spend the year traveling. I tried to pry, figure out where in hopes of tracking you down, but she was all over the place. I should have known then. It didn’t sound like you. She changed the subject, and no matter how hard I pushed, she wouldn’t go back to the topic. My mother showed up, and then it was all about my schooling, and a shame about Rebecca, and how I must have been heartbroken.” I roll my eyes at that.
“If you were supposed to do your residency in France, why are you here?”
“I did. Spent the first year and a half busting my ass. It was all I could do to keep my mind on track. About six months ago, a colleague of my father’s offered me a spot at Rush Central. I was already ahead in school and had been on track to finish my residency a year ahead of time.”
“Wow. That’s great, Jake.”
“I took it because I thought you’d be at school by then. I had a plan: come home, track you down, and demand answers. By this time, I was super bitter. I’d spent that whole time obsessing over the whys and what-ifs. I hated myself for leaving that night, and I was starting to hate you for leaving me in a way too.”
I go to open my mouth, but he stops me. “You don’t owe me any more explanations. I hate myself for being so naive when it came to every single excuse my mother gave me. If I had just listened to my heart, I would have seen past her lies. I would have found you sooner.”
“But you did find me. That’s all that matters.”
“I should have been there for you. For Bria’s birth. You should have never had to struggle. But that’s over now.”
He kisses the top of my head again while I get lost in the questions swirling inside my head. Where do we go from here? What does this mean for his future—or mine? What will our parents do when they find out? I open my mouth, needing him to help calm some of my fears, when the sound of Bria’s tiny cries filters into my room. I start to get up, but he stops me.
“Let me. I want to do this.”
“Are you sure?”
“Absolutely. Get some rest. I have a lot of time to make up for.” He bends down, kisses my forehead, and disappears. I feel like an intruder listening to him, but I can’t help it. He sings and praises her with loving endearments. Her little giggles warm my heart, knowing she’s just as in love with him. I close my eyes, and for the first time in so long, I fall asleep to the sound of pure happiness, feeling like I’m not alone.