“I could deal with not being with her if it meant it took a load off her, but it doesn’t. Not really. Talk about a pause. She put off college for two years to raise Indie. And she’s talking about going part-time after this semester. I wish I could give her back some of that time, help her out more. I was here goofing off, worrying about fucking cups.”
“You didn’t know.”
“But I do now.” I sit up. “There has to be something I can do.”
He takes the ball from my lap. “We’ll have to figure it out after practice. We need to leave in fifteen minutes. But after practice, let’s go to The Hideout. You buy the drinks and I’ll give you all my best ideas.”
“Maybe invite Sydney. We all know she’s the brains.” I get to my feet. “I’ve gotta change. I’ll meet you over there.”
“I resent that,” he calls after me. “But noted. She’ll be there. We’ve got your back, man.”
I climb the stairs feeling just the tiniest bit hopeful. I’ve sulked all week. Aside from the two nights I got to spend with Indie, and the brief encounters with Rylee, the week sucked. All the usual joys, basketball, friends, parties, lost their luster.
Hard to believe in such a short amount of time how much my life has changed, but it has. From the second I laid eyes on Indie.
I sit on my bed with my phone. We have a light practice tonight and then we leave early tomorrow for an away game. My clothes are strewn on the bed where I dumped them after doing laundry earlier. I pick through to find shorts and a T-shirt. My fingers brush against something hard and I uncover the book Rylee gave me.
At least three times I’ve started to flip through it. I know she meant it as a nice gesture, but that first photo of Indie as a baby gets me every time. I hate that I wasn’t there.
I open it and steel myself for that pang of hurt. Little, sweet Indie. Eyes closed, face still swollen and red. She’s got a pink and blue hat on her tiny head with a big bow and she’s wrapped up in a white blanket.
Beneath the photo, it has the words Chapter One and then several paragraphs written about Indie as if she’s the main character of a great novel. I guess she is.
Chapter after chapter, photo after photo, Rylee cataloged two years of our daughter’s life. Big things like learning to walk and her first tooth, and little things like her preference for peas over green beans.
I don’t want to miss any more of those. And, not only that, I want Rylee’s take on it. I want to laugh with her over the tantrums and then celebrate the milestones together. I don’t just want a daughter. I want a family.
Rylee
“I am digging this whole sexy mermaid princess thing you have going on,” Lindsey says as I tug on the green skirt. It’s long and skintight. I added tulle at the bottom to cover my feet.
Tonight is the English department Halloween party. John has a game in Colorado, so Lindsey offered to watch Indie for a couple of hours.
“I hope I don’t have to walk up any stairs because it will be a struggle.”
“Worth it. You look hot. Has Datson seen this?”
“No. We haven’t talked much this week.”
“Ry.”
“It’s okay. He’s here for Indie and that’s what counts.”
“But you guys are crazy about each other.”
“It’s too much right now, Linds. I have to focus on Indie and school.” I turn toward them and hold out my arms. “It’s okay? Really?”
Indie claps. “Da-da.”
Yeah, sweet girl, I miss him too.
“You look great. I promise,” Lindsey says with a reassuring nod.
“I will not be gone long. I just need to make an appearance and talk with Dr. Matthews.”
“You’re still going to turn it down?”
“Yeah. It isn’t the right time.” I’ve come to terms with my disappointment. There will be other opportunities. My time is coming. I just have to be patient a few more years.
I ignore my best friend’s sad face. “Okay, I’m off. Call or text if you need me.” I give my daughter a kiss and thank Lindsey again.
The party is being held in a banquet room in University Hall. Monster Mash plays over the speakers. Students and professors are dressed up. There are more literary characters than I can count. Inspirations ranging from Harry Potter to Shakespeare.
I spot Dr. Matthews on the other side of the room and start toward her. I get punch and slow my steps. Now that I’m here, it’s much harder to walk up and turn down her mentoring than it was when I rehearsed it in my head.
As I approach, she looks up from the circle of students and professors around her and smiles at me. She steps out and I meet her halfway.
“I haven’t heard from you all week,” Dr. Matthews says. “Can I assume no news is good news?”
“I really appreciate the offer. I do.” I swallow and glance around. My gaze snags on a tall, dark head entering the room. All around, people are turning to stare. The gorgeous man dressed as a prince, crown and all, holds onto the hand of a little girl – a mermaid. My mermaid. I made us matching outfits, never dreaming we’d get to wear them together here. “I’m sorry. Can you give me a minute?” I ask, but don’t wait for her response.
John glances around the room, leading Indie through the crowd. When I step into his line of vision, a grin pulls at his lips.
It feels like a dream as I walk toward them.
“What are you doing here?”
“We came to cheer on mommy, didn’t we?”
“Mama!”
I squat down and hug Indie. “You said it! You said mom.”
“Da-da.”
I chuckle and stand with her in my arms. “Did your game end early?”
‘Nah.” He shakes his head. “I didn’t go with the team to Colorado. I quit.”
“I don’t understand.” I search his face. “Why?”
“I’ve been living out all my college dreams for the past three years. It’s your turn to live yours. You didn’t turn down Dr. Matthews yet, did you?”
“No, but–”
“No buts. I’ve got you. Let me do this. It’s one small thing.”
“Small? This is huge, John. You’ve played your last college basketball game? Couldn’t you wait until the end of the semester or something?”
“Nah, not really.” He shrugs. “I’m not worrying about lasts anymore. This is just the beginning.”
The head of the department speaks into the microphone. “If I can get everyone’s attention, we are going to announce the winners from pitch fest.”
“You don’t need to do this. What if you regret it and resent me later?”
“I won’t.”
“You don’t know that.”
“But I do. I’ve been living my college dreams. It’s your turn.” He takes my hand and steps closer. “Nothing is more important to me than you two. And I’m not expecting anything. You want to focus on Indie and school, and I respect that. I’ll be whatever you need. Friend and co-parent. Maybe more?” He grins. “I know you want to take it slow, but I’m here. I’m following your lead.”