“What would you say then?”
He runs his hands over his face and exhales loudly. “There’s so much I want to say, but I don’t know if I should.”
“You can tell me anything,” I encourage. “Whenever you’re ready. There’s no rush on my end, I’m just so glad you’re here and that you want her.” My voice cracks on the last few words, because the thought of anyone not wanting her cuts me to the core. “She’s your daughter, and the doors for a relationship with her are open. Always.”
“And what about you?” He surprises me when he steps closer, his eyes wholly focused on my face, completely unfazed by the baby sucking at my nipple. “What about a relationship with you?”
Chapter Eight
Rosario
There’s nothing but silence after my question, and unease begins to bubble at the pit of my stomach.
Was I too forward? Am I coming on too strong? This probably isn’t the best time to ask such a thing anyway.
“Sorry, that was stupid,” I say, trying to retreat. “You don’t have to answer that.”
She raises an eyebrow. “Which part was stupid? The question or the timing?”
“I want to know the answer,” I tell her honestly. “But maybe I’m a little off with the timing.”
“Let me finish up with this and put Alessia down first.” She catches my gaze. “I want to answer that question, I just want the conversation to have all my attention.”
Grateful that she, too, is aware of the importance, I feel less uncomfortable by the whole exchange.
“Come on,” she says. “This boob seems to have less milk, so it only takes half the time.”
Clueless, I just look at her and shake my head. “You know none of that makes any sense to me.”
Blake laughs. “I figured. But there’s time to teach you, right?”
My chest tightens at what she’s really asking, loving the clues that hint at her wanting me around. “Of course.”
Eventually, after a bit of small talk about breast milk and milk flow––things I didn’t even know would fascinate me––Blake heads to her bedroom with Alessia in hand and me quick on her heels.
Fed, burped, and changed, Alessia is a new baby. It’s crazy how quickly the time passes before she’s ready to sleep again. There’re so many details that go into her routine, and Blake does it all effortlessly, but it doesn’t take a blind man to see the toll it’s taking on her, doing it all by herself.
She’s exhausted.
“Do you want me to hold her? Put her to sleep?” I ask, wanting to show how much assistance I can provide, whilst simultaneously wanting to devour every second available to me with Alessia.
“Do you think you can manage?” she smarts.
“I’m a quick learner.”
“You know I’m not judging you on how good of a dad you are?” she asks more seriously. “Especially not when this is your first time with her.”
“I know, but I have nieces and nephews,” I counter, trying to sound confident and sure, yet still feeling completely out of my element. “I know the basics.”
“Okay, Mr. Hotshot,” she sasses. “Show me what you got.”
Blake hands me Alessia and then eagerly sits on the edge of the bed. I look down at my daughter, placing a soft kiss on her forehead and letting the fresh smell of new life overwhelm my senses.
“It helps if you tap her bottom,” Blake advises. “The constant rhythm lulls her into sleep.”
“And then you just put her into the bassinet?” I confirm.
“Yeah. All the books say not to let her get too dependent on falling asleep in my arms. But sometimes I just like holding her, you know?”
Instead of answering, I offer Blake a knowing smile. Of course I know what she means, because while this is all new, my attachment to my daughter is immediate. And I didn’t even need to hold her in my arms to feel that way. All I know is that if Alessia wants to sleep in my arms, I’m going to damn well hold her until she doesn’t fit anymore. Because one day, she won’t. She’ll be all grown up and these small moments will be nothing but a memory.
Without a care or worry for the time, I get caught up, rocking and singing to her. Eventually, she yawns a few times and her blinks become longer, her body relaxing in my hold. When she seems to have fallen asleep, I look up to Blake to check in, but she’s curled up on the bed, fast asleep.
My gaze lazily shifts between the two, my heart and soul feeling more content than they have in almost forever.
Wanting Alessia to be comfortable, I chance putting her down, and pray she doesn’t wake up.
Thankfully, the gods are on my side and Alessia doesn’t even flinch when I place her in the middle of the bassinet. Looking back at Blake, a rush of pride runs through me that I was able to hold down the fort and let Blake rest too. She needs it, that much is obvious.
Not wanting to leave, but not wanting to invade their space, I consider seeing if there’s anything around the house I can clean or wash or fix.
And because I can’t help it, in quick succession, I lower my mouth to Alessia’s forehead, kissing her softly and then move across the room, doing the same to Blake.
“Stay,” she whispers.
“I’m not going anywhere.”
“Lie down next to me,” she asks, her eyes still closed.
“Are you sure?”
“Please, Rio.” She opens her eyes and meets my stare. “Hold me.”
She doesn’t need to ask me twice. I kick off my shoes and climb onto the mattress. Lying down beside her, I wrap my arms around her waist and bring her close to me. Because I can’t help myself, I nuzzle into the space between her neck and her shoulder and breathe her in.
Loving the way she fits in my arms and how she feels against me, the request tumbles out of my mouth before I even have a chance to stop it. “Tell me why you ran.”
She turns in my arms and looks up at me. “Because of this.” She brushes her fingers down the side of my face. “It’s so easy between us. Almost too easy,” she says wistfully. “That night was perfect, and I was too scared of what the new day would bring. I don’t know if I was more scared that it would only ever be a one-night stand, or scared of the fact that we could have been more.”
“I wish you’d waited to speak to me,” I say honestly. “I wish you’d let me tell you that I wanted to try.” My voice thickens, the hint of sadness in my tone unmistakable. “I wish I were there when you found out you were pregnant. Helped you out during those nine months, read those books with you. I wish I were there for her birth.”
With regret in her eyes, she whispers, “I wish you were too.”
“I want to be here now,” I say boldly. “With you and Alessia.”
“I’m scared,” she confesses.
“Of?”
“Scared we don’t live up to the expectation. Scared that you’re only saying you want me because you don’t want to lose her.” She shakes her head. “For the record, I would never keep her from you. Not intentionally.”