“It’s cool. We were just bonding.”
“I don’t know how I’ll ever thank you. This place looks immaculate.” He scans the open concept kitchen and living room.
“Don’t worry about it.”
“I never did find out why you came by.” He takes a seat on the couch next to me. I get a whiff of his aftershave. It’s clean and crisp, like the ocean on a cold morning.
“Dr. Old Balls was giving me problems, so I came to chew your ass out.” I laugh.
“Sorry about that. I’ll be back next week. I needed time to get things settled.”
“I see why. You find a daycare?”
“No. I thought about it, but I didn’t want Lane to catch something since she’s so young.”
I nod. “Understandable.”
“I found a babysitter instead. I’ll have to cut back on hours at the hospital, but I talked the board into hiring a second doctor who starts next week too. Should make things easier for everyone.”
“That’s good news, doc.” I stand up. “I guess I should go.”
“You don’t have to.” He shrugs and then laughs. “Never mind. Go. You don’t want to stick around with an old man and a baby.”
“You’re not that much older than I am.”
“I’m forty-one,” he says. I already knew that. I asked around.
“I’m thirty-five.”
“Really? You look much younger.”
“It’s my melanin magic. I don’t age.” I sit back down. “If you’re paying for the pizza, I’ll stay and help you eat it.”
“Deal.”
Chapter Three
Lance
I pass Lane back over to him while I find my cell phone and wallet. Boaz must’ve found them first while he was cleaning, because they’re sitting on the kitchen island, and I know they weren’t there before.
He surprised me by showing up today, but that’s not new. He impresses me with his dedication and competence. I’m drawn to his personality and charm. And it’s not because he cleaned my apartment and milked gas bubbles from my baby’s belly. I’ve felt this way toward him since I started working at the hospital. He turns me into a bumbling idiot, but he also puts me at ease about my awkwardness.
One night, when I first started working at the hospital, I stepped into the small locker room to change into a fresh pair of scrubs after spending the night in my office. I was met by a nearly naked Boaz. The only article of clothing he had on was a pair of white briefs. Every other inch of his perfect, silky dark skin was on display. I was dumbfounded. Frozen in place. He could’ve made a big deal of my obvious perusal, but instead he cracked a joke about how close we had become in the span of three seconds and went back to changing, as though it was no big deal.
I shake away the memory and call the local pizza place to make an order for delivery. When I come back, he has Lane stretched out along one of his long, muscular forearms and is talking softly to her. I’m a man who’s not immune to the appeal of a man with a baby.
I’ve only known my daughter for a week, but I’m already wrapped around her finger. She’s small, even for her age, apparently getting her height from her mom. But she has my blue eyes and dark hair.
The last seven days haven’t been easy. I’ve never been around a baby before, let alone taken care of one. Google is my bible. Nothing makes feel more incompetent than using a search engine to figure out how to snap up infant pajamas. I don’t know what genius decided to put eighty-seven snaps on those things, but if I knew, I’d punch him in the balls because it was definitely a man.
Lane makes a noise at something Boaz says. He lifts her little fist up and bumps it with his. I smile at the adorableness and it strikes me my adoration isn’t limited to Lane. It’s partially because of the long and fit man who has me off my game, as well.
I don’t know what to make of it and it’s not the first time he’s caused… fuck, I can’t put a name to it. Sometimes, he’ll be joking around in a way that could be flirting. Maybe he is, I don’t know.
Realizing I’m gay is too new for me. I’m the equivalent of a middle schooler, uncomfortable and self-conscious. I’m a fucking doctor. I save lives for a living. Yet here I am, fretting if a man is into me or just being kind.
“Hope meat lovers is okay.” I resume my place on the couch. There’s an armchair on the other side of the room I could sit at, but I don’t want to. I want to be close to both of them.
“There’s a joke somewhere in there.” He snickers.
“Joke?” I ask, confused.
“I’m a gay man and you just offered me meat lovers.”
“You’re gay?” I fake surprise.
“Yeah. You didn’t know?”
“I don’t know a lot about you,” I note.
“It’s not like it matters. Especially for a guy like you.” He peers over at me through a curtain of long, dark lashes.
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, you’re straight. You were married. I don’t tend to blab my sexuality unless it’s relevant.”
“Oh, right.” Except it is relevant.
“Sorry about your ex, by the way. Even if you weren’t together, it must’ve been tough news.”
I sink back into the couch. I haven’t had free time or brain space to deal with Maisy’s death. Back in New York, I was busy in meetings with lawyers when it became clear Maisy’s parents weren’t going to give Lane up. A judge ruled, at an emergency hearing, that between Maisy’s will and the DNA match, I could take her home.
Although I was the one fighting for custody, I wasn’t sure the judge had made the right choice. But now that I’ve met Lane and we’ve bonded, there’s no doubt in my mind I want her. I need her. She’s part of me.
“I don’t know how to feel about her passing. She was my best friend for a lot of years. We hadn’t spoken since I left New York, but I still cared about her. I’m also a little angry she didn’t tell me she was pregnant with Lane. I wonder if she ever would’ve told me. I’ll never know now.”
I have mixed feelings that will go unresolved. Perhaps she was waiting until Lane was born to tell me. Perhaps she would’ve kept her a secret her whole life and I wouldn’t have known until she turned eighteen and was searching for her father.
“That’s pretty fucked.” He slaps a hand over his mouth. “Sorry.”
“It’s okay. I doubt she can repeat your words yet.”
“I’ve never been good at cutting out the swearing. One of Eli’s first words was shit. My dad was so pissed at me.” He laughs at the memory. “If I hadn’t been nineteen when it happened, he would’ve whooped my ass.”
“I’m sorry you lost your mom when you were so young.”
“It was hard back then, but it’s easier now. She had an undiagnosed heart condition that caused complications during childbirth. At first, I blamed Eli. Then he came home from the hospital looking like a chubby alien and I couldn’t hold it against him.”