Everett pointed to himself. “As far as I’m concerned, that analogy is perfect. I’m a big guy and I’m sad.”
“Ev, I’m sorry.” Natalie reached out and put her hand over his. “Breakups suck. What happened?”
“Well, you know I’m trying to sell the show to the Imagination Network,” Everett said, and Natalie nodded. “That will involve moving to New York, and Teddy doesn’t want to come with me. She wants to—I don’t know—figure out her own life. Without me.”
Natalie rolled her eyes. “You can’t blame her for not wanting to move to New York with you.”
“I don’t blame her for anything!” Everett almost shouted.
Lillian poked her head out of her and Natalie’s bedroom.
“Everything’s fine.” Natalie waved her off.
“I’m just going through a crushing heartbreak,” Everett said. “Nothing to worry about.”
“Okay!” Lillian gave them a thumbs-up and shut the door.
“I don’t blame her,” Everett said more quietly. “But that doesn’t mean I agree with her. I think we could work it out. Somehow.”
“So how do you feel about moving?” Natalie asked, pouring more syrup on her pancakes.
“What do you mean, how do I feel about it?” Everett asked. “I’ve been wanting this since I was a little kid. It’s good for the show.”
“Well . . . ,” Natalie said, drawing out the word.
“Oh, no,” Everett groaned. “That’s the tone of voice you use when you’re about to give unsolicited advice.”
“That’s the only kind I can give you. You never solicit my advice, even though it’s impeccable. All I’m saying is . . . so what if you’ve wanted it since you were a little kid? Sometimes what you want can change.”
“I’m not going to quit my job,” Everett said testily.
“I’m not suggesting that. Frankly, you’re not qualified for anything else. But think about how you were so set on going away to college. Remember that? You had all these big dreams and plans about how you were going to live in a cheap apartment and eat nothing but dented cans of green beans you got on sale to save money, and you were going to spend all your time learning about puppetry.”
He knew that was what he’d wanted when he was a teenager, but it all seemed so distant now. “Yeah, but then Gretel was born and I stayed home and it was great. I wouldn’t be doing all the things I’m doing now if I’d gone away. It all worked out for the best.”
“Exactly.” Natalie gave him a long look. “You changed your plans because of someone you loved. And now you don’t even care about that other thing you almost did.”
“I don’t really know how that’s relevant,” Everett said, taking another bite of pancakes. They were starting to taste a little more like food instead of cardboard.
“Work isn’t everything, you know,” Natalie said. “Not everyone’s going to be as forgiving as me.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Ev.” Natalie sighed. “Come on. How many times have we talked about how you let work take over everything? You can’t expect everyone to constantly forgive you for forgetting things or missing their calls because you’re ‘inspired.’”
“My job depends on inspiration!” Everett said. “Sure, this sounds trite, but the show doesn’t make itself! Someone has to have the ideas and do the work to make them reality. And that someone is me. And if I’m not thinking about it all the time and working on it all the time, it doesn’t happen. The show needs one hundred percent of me.”
“I know your work matters,” Natalie said, holding her hands up. “No one’s suggesting that it doesn’t. But the people who love you matter, too. And if you keep blowing everyone off to give one hundred percent of yourself to work, someday you’re gonna wake up and no one will be there anymore. Maybe you need to learn how to give work fifty percent and the rest of your life the other fifty percent.”
Everett frowned. “What about seventy/thirty?”
Natalie raised her eyebrows. “I’m not the one you need to negotiate with. And here’s another question: is this the first time someone’s ever turned you down?”
“Um, no. I’ve faced plenty of rejection in my life. Did you forget about Elissa? She broke up with me and now she’s married with a baby. I’d say that’s a pretty clear rejection.”
Natalie shook her head. “But you didn’t love Elissa.”
“I loved her!” Everett protested.
“Not like this. I have never, ever seen you like this about anyone . . . or anything, except for work. It’s honestly unsettling seeing you so lovelorn.”
Everett stared at his pancakes.
“Everett.” Natalie leaned forward. “This is the last bit of unsolicited advice I’m going to give you, okay? Take some time to think about what you really want. Not what you wanted five or ten years ago, and not what you think you’re supposed to want, but what you want.”
“Thank you,” Everett said. “I know you’re saying all this because we’re best friends and I love you for it, but also I do want to crawl out of my skin whenever you give me unasked-for advice.”
“I’m going to stab you in the hand with this fork if you don’t start acting more grateful,” Natalie said calmly.
Everett smiled. He still wasn’t really sure what Natalie was talking about, but he had friends and a job he loved. He might not have a successful relationship, but two out of three weren’t bad. Or at least that was what he’d tell himself.
59
Dear Teddy,
I miss you. Can we talk?
Everett
Dear Everett,
I think it’s for the best if we don’t.
Teddy
60
Now Teddy understood why people had hobbies—they gave you something to pour yourself into when you otherwise felt too miserable to function. She could think about her life, or she could knit while watching a Rock Hudson marathon on Turner Classic Movies.
This explanation wasn’t exactly comforting to Eleanor and Kirsten, who both kept checking in on her, but now Eleanor was at work and Kirsten was doing a consultation with a client, so Teddy was free to lounge on the couch without their worried faces occasionally appearing in front of her. Of course she knew they meant well, but what did they want her to do? Get up and perform one of the dance numbers from Singin’ in the Rain? She felt like a piece of hot garbage and she intended to stay on this couch all day, making a wonky scarf (she’d learned knitting from a YouTube tutorial, but her skills left much to be desired) and admiring Rock Hudson’s glorious chin while taking advantage of all that the ice cream freezer had to offer.