Josie sighed. “But of course, we didn’t travel. John opened the store, and that was that. We spent all our time working. And after he passed away, I guess part of me wondered . . . well, if maybe I’d made a mistake. If I should’ve figured out why we couldn’t get pregnant, seen if doctors could’ve helped us. Or looked into adoption. Had a family another way.”
“Oh, Josie,” Teddy murmured, squeezing her hands. “I didn’t know. . . .”
Josie shook her head quickly. “This isn’t a sob story, sweetie. That’s just what life is. Even if you’re happy with the path you went down, part of you always wonders what was on that other road you passed a few miles back. That doesn’t mean it’s some grand tragedy. But it’s a loss all the same.”
Teddy pressed her lips together.
“But then.” Josie smiled. “I met you. And from the moment you walked in the store, with that shy smile and your bright eyes, I thought, ‘Oh, this is my daughter.’”
Teddy wiped away a tear and nodded.
Josie squeezed her hand. “You’re my family, Teddy. And, honey, I’m so proud of you.”
“I want to take over the store,” Teddy said suddenly, her conversation with Sophia and all thoughts about how she didn’t really want to do it flying out of her head. “I know I can do it. I—”
“No.” Josie shook her head. “I’ve been thinking about it, and I can’t let you do that.”
Teddy felt the breath go out of her. “But . . . you said . . .”
“I love you so much that I can’t let you run the store,” Josie said.
Teddy sat in silence as the machines beeped. She heard people bustling down the hall, carts moving, and shoes squeaking. “Help me out here, because I don’t understand.”
“Do you really want to run the store?” Josie narrowed her eyes.
“Yes!” Teddy yelped.
“Does running a vintage toy store light you up? Is it your passion? Way down deep in your heart, is it what you’ve dreamed of?”
Teddy took a deep breath. “Well. No. But it’s yours, and—”
“And I never wanted it in the first place,” Josie said, cutting her off. “This was John’s dream, and I spent years filling up the rest of my time with my dreams. I’m not going to let you do the same thing. I’ve seen the way you’ve been lately. Trying new things, spending time with that exciting new boy . . .”
Teddy shook her head. “We’re not—he’s not—”
Josie held up a hand. “Don’t bother explaining—the man’s perfect for you. But the store . . . I’m going to ask Carlos to take it over. I should’ve done that in the first place. That man lives and breathes toys, and I don’t know why I worried he was too young. I think I was blinded by how much I love you and how much I wish that was the story: a woman passing down a beloved business to a girl who loves it just as much. But maybe the real story is ‘a woman is glad to get rid of a business she never cared for all that much, and a guy is going to do an amazing job running it.’”
“But, Josie . . . what am I going to do?” Teddy croaked. It wasn’t that Teddy didn’t think Carlos should take over the shop—he deserved it, and he’d be better at it than she would’ve been. But now it felt like she truly had nothing certain in her future, nothing she could count on.
Josie smiled at her, and even though she was lying in a hospital bed, Teddy felt, as she always did, that Josie was looking down on her with love, like a mother cradling a baby.
“That’s the great news. You’ve got your whole life to figure that out.” She laughed. “Look at me. I’m seventy and I still don’t know.”
Teddy attempted to laugh and managed a snot-filled chuckle.
“You’re gonna be fine,” Josie said, a certainty in her voice that Teddy wished she felt.
“I hope you’re right,” she said. “But about the guy . . . I think you’re wrong there. I’m worried I’m getting into another Richard situation. Another relationship where a man will take over my life, swallow up all of me and my wants and my needs. How do I know I’m not going to do that again?”
“Have you talked to him about it?” Josie asked, her voice gentle.
Teddy shrugged. “Sort of.”
Josie sighed, long and ragged. “Don’t be ridiculous. You’ve gotta have a conversation. Tell him everything about how you feel and give him a chance to tell you what he’s feeling. Don’t run away when it gets hard, because let me tell you—if you’re with someone for their whole life, things are gonna get hard. They’re gonna get hard in ways you can’t even imagine. The only chance you have of making it work is by opening up your mouth and saying what you’re feeling.”
Teddy let out a strangled sob-laugh. “There are so many things in the way. I know people always say love conquers all, but I don’t know if I believe that.”
“That’s bullshit,” Josie said. “Love doesn’t conquer all. But when it’s real, when both of you feel it, it can conquer a whole hell of a lot.”
Before Teddy could tell Josie all the myriad ways she was wrong and would never understand the particular complexities of her relationship (or nonrelationship, to be more accurate) with Everett, she heard a rap on the door.
“Mind if I come in?” A nurse walked in and checked one of the machines attached to Josie.
“Think I’ll make it through the night?” Josie asked.
The nurse gave them a closed-mouth smile. “I think you’re gonna be okay.” She turned to Teddy. “You two related?”
Teddy opened her mouth, but Josie spoke before she could. “This is my daughter,” she said, squeezing Teddy’s hand again.
“I can tell,” the nurse said with a nod. “She’s got your smile.”
Teddy knew that was impossible; she didn’t have Josie’s megawatt, room-brightening, day-making smile. The nurse was being nice to her because she had eye makeup all over her face. But in that moment, in the hospital room made cozy by Josie’s presence, she was willing to believe it.
After the nurse left, Teddy went to find Josie’s requested snack (Doritos, which seemed like an incredibly unhealthy choice, but Teddy wasn’t in a position to judge). And then she sat there, holding Josie’s hand, until Josie finally fell asleep.
62
Everett couldn’t focus as he packed for New York. As he paced around the airport. As he sat beside Astrid on the flight. The meeting was a blur—he talked about the show and its purpose, and he knew everyone in the meeting loved everything he was saying, even if he could barely remember their names when he shook their hands.