I remembered a psych class, where the professor did an entire lecture on fear and how it motivated people, how it was one of the only things that could create a perfect world, and I remembered hating that it made sense, that it sounded right. Not everything was fueled by adrenaline, fed by fear, and there was nothing I could do about the way I responded, even when I told myself to calm down, to think, to negotiate. I felt myself constantly defaulting , protecting myself.
I tried to move until my skin felt raw, fighting until my body couldn’t move anymore, and I was sweating profusely. I should have been crying, and I couldn’t tell if I was in shock because I didn’t feel anything.
I was numb.
It was only then that I felt the back of a hand touch the side of my face, and I froze, not moving one muscle. My mind went into overload…
“Is it you?” I asked, my voice trembling. Thinking it could be someone else—I was unsure of which would be better or worse. Him or someone new…
As if reading my mind, he countered, “Do you want it to be?”
I breathed out a sigh of relief. His hand was still on the side of my face and hadn’t moved. It was comforting and creepy all at the same time. My breathing was labored, and my heart was racing. More questions started to arise in my mind.
Before I could continue with my mindless thoughts, he asked, “Are you done with your temper tantrum?”
I swallowed hard. “Yes.”
“Good girl.”
Rat bastard and his demeaning praise.
“Can you please take the blindfold off?” I tried again, voice easy, all traces of the tremble gone.
“Seeing as you wouldn’t look me in the eyes before, I assumed you wanted to stay in your self-preservation of darkness.”
“I don’t want to anymore.”
“How convenient,” he snapped.
“Please. I won’t fight you again.”
“You’re tied to your bed, pet. You can’t do much of anything right now.”
I whimpered, wanting to see.
“You really do have a pretty pussy, Juliet,” he laughed at me, stripping away the last bit of my dignity. “It’s just the right shade of pink.”
I sucked in air from the fresh tears coming out of my eyes. I’d never in my life felt lower, more demeaned, embarrassed, afraid, and yet I responded; I physically responded like someone sick in the head.
“Pet … when someone pays you a compliment, you should say thank you. Where the fuck are your manners? I bathe you, I give you water, food, shelter, and now, I tell you that your cunt is pretty, and what do you say?” he taunted, hitting something hard against the soles of my feet.
I whimpered again.
Was that a cane?
He did it a couple more times.
“Thank you, thank you, thank you!” I shouted, appeasing him while still trying to keep my fight on the inside. I had to escape, and if that meant I thanked him for his insanity, then so be it.
“Much better. We’re going to have to work on those manners and respect, pet. I won’t have you disrespecting me.”
“What are you going to do to me?” I questioned again. How many times would we have this conversation? And how many times would I be punished for the truth?
“Whatever the fuck I want.”
“Can you tell me your name?”
“You earn the right to know my name, Juliet. And we both know how much of a bad girl you’ve been. You disappoint me.”
“I’m sorry,” was the only thing I could reply that would simply appease him.
“Look what my punishment has done for your manners; this is the politest you’ve been since you arrived.”
“Can you please just tell me your name?”
“Don’t be so needy, pet. I don’t like it.”
I sniffled, just wanting something for myself. Anything. At this point, I’d probably beg on my hands and knees just to know his initials.
“Why do you think you deserve to know my name? Do you think you’re going to refer to me by it?”
“What do you mean?”
“I’m done answering your questions.”
“You haven’t answered a single one.”
“You will refer to me as Master. There. Now you know my name.”
What. The. Fuck.
“Am I being trafficked? Is that what this is about? Are you training me to sell me?”
“No. I’m breaking you for me.”
His answer made my heart slow down.
“Is that what you want? To break me?”
I would never forget the next thing that flew out of his mouth.
“You’ll soon find out.”
In the following weeks, I learned a lot about myself.
Especially how right he was.
CHAPTER SIX
Juliet
Three Days Later
Whatever I thought was a breakthrough with me thanking my captor turned into my worst nightmare. He untied me and left me alone. Naked. For two whole days, I didn’t see him, feel him, hear him. Nothing. It was like he disappeared, leaving me only with my questions and fear. I was starving, living off of water I drank from the faucet in the bathroom. I refused to give him the satisfaction he craved. Until I couldn’t take it anymore. The lack of food and being locked in this room was making me feel as if I was going insane.
I snapped, needing him like he said I would.
Looking straight into the camera in the corner of my room, I yelled, “Please, Master. I’m hungry!”
I hated that I sounded so weak when I wanted to feel strong. I hated that I gave him what he sought; calling this bastard Master was one of the hardest things I’d ever done. Minutes later, the door opened with a tray that looked like it had bread and soup on it. I swear I almost dropped to my knees to thank him.
He grinned. “Was that so hard, pet?”
I resisted the urge to tell him it was. Instead, I shook my head.
“Your food is earned when you have manners.” He walked toward me and sat in the chair beside my bed. Nodding to the floor, he demanded, “Crawl to me.”
I stumbled back from the impact of his order.
“Once you crawl to me, you’ll sit on the floor beside my feet with your hands behind your back, bowing your head in submission. You’ll wait until I feed you from my hand. Understood?”
My stomach grumbled.
“Understood, pet? Or would you like to continue to starve?”
Slowly, I dropped to my knees.
“Good girl.”
Little by little, I crawled my way toward him while tears fell out of my eyes. I did what he wanted, feeling like nothing but a fucking dog, not a dog, a pet.
His pet.
I waited.
His thumb lifted my chin to look into his seedy stare. “So pretty for a pet, now what do you say when I give you a compliment, and I’m going to feed you, Juliet?”
My entire body shook as I whispered, “T-thank you.”
“Good, girl. Very good girl.”
The second I felt his fingers in my mouth, I swallowed the bread without taking a bite first. It hurt all the way down my throat and chest, but at least…
I was fed.
CHAPTER SEVEN
Juliet