He deserves better.
“I’m going to set the lamp on the bathroom counter but leave the door open. That way, we can see to get to the restroom if we need to,” Rip explains as he walks to the bathroom, pushing open the door and setting the lamp on the counter.
“Do you have a side?” I ask.
“Doesn’t matter when I plan to hold you.” He shrugs and walks to the opposite side of the bed I’m standing on and climbs in.
He has no idea what his words do to me. Then again, maybe he does. Rip Callahan is a man’s man. He’s rugged, and basically the definition of masculine. He works hard, and it shows. He didn’t get those washboard abs from a gym. He got them from hard work and dedication to his family’s farm.
“Kenna.” His deep, gruff voice calls to me as he pulls the blankets back and motions for me to join him.
My knees wobble as I climb into bed and lie on my side to face him. It’s dark, only a tiny glow from the bathroom giving us light. It’s not enough to make out his features or his gorgeous brown eyes. That’s okay. I have them memorized.
“Are you tired?” he whispers.
“A little,” I confess. However, it’s probably going to take me some time to fall asleep with him next to me.
“Rollover, Kenna,” he instructs.
I do as he asks, resting my hands beneath my cheek. There’s a dip in the mattress, and then I’m surrounded by warmth and the smell of sandalwood, along with something uniquely Rip. He slides his arm under my head, and I adjust my position. Not knowing what to do with my hands, I’m relieved when he takes the decision away from me and laces his fingers through mine.
We lie in silence for what seems like hours. I try to keep my focus on his breathing to match mine instead of focusing on the fact that the man I’ve always wanted is holding me in his arms. In his bed. For the second time in a matter of weeks. I’ve heard the saying that you never really get over your first crush, your first love. Rip is that person for me.
Do I love him? Yes. He’s been a part of my life since I was six years old.
Am I in love with him? No. I’m not in love with him, but I know without a shadow of a doubt that if there are many more nights like this one, that could change. It would take very little effort for my heart to be twisted with his. Hell, the way mine is racing in my chest by just being near him, it may have already started to take root.
“I’ve missed you.” His husky whisper causes goose bumps to break out against my skin.
I feel his lips press against my shoulder, and my mind immediately goes to our kiss. Just a peck, but I wanted more. I still want more. Maybe it’s the alcohol making me brave. Maybe it’s just him, and maybe it’s that I’ve missed him too. Whatever the reason, I turn in his arms, placing my hand against his cheek.
“Rip?” My voice is barely a whisper.
“Yeah, baby?” His voice is velvety soft.
“Kiss me?”
No more words are said as he leans in and molds his lips to mine. He’s not in a hurry as he nibbles at my bottom lip, soothing the ache with his tongue. His large, calloused hand slides under my T-shirt and presses against my back, moving me impossibly closer to him and his warmth. I release a moan that I can’t hold in, and he takes the opportunity to slide his tongue past my lips. I expect him to move things along, but he does anything but. Instead, his tongue lazily explores my mouth while his hand traces up and down my spine. It’s the slowest, most sensual kiss I’ve ever received in my entire life.
I never want it to end.
He kisses me until we’re both breathless. I want more. I want all of him. I’m just about to make my move when he pulls back and guides my head to rest on his chest. He wraps his arms around me and presses his lips to the top of my head.
I try not to think of this as a rejection, but it’s hard not to. Neither of us is drunk, so I can’t blame it on the alcohol. I want to ask him why he stopped. I want to move to straddle his hips while his hands roam over my body. Then I remember this is Rip Callahan. My best friend's older brother. He can have any woman he wants, and I’m sure the way I was kissing him back, he knows that he could have me. Yet, he stopped us.
Hot tears prick my eyes, but I will them not to fall. The teenage girl in me just can’t seem to let him go.
I don’t say a word, lying still until his breathing evens out, and I know he’s asleep. As carefully as I can, I slide out from under his arm and crawl out of bed. I want nothing more than to wake up next to him, but this is a foolish game I’m playing. I was lying to myself when I said I wasn’t in love with him.
I’ve always been in love with Rip Callahan.
But I’m a grown woman who deserves more than just a few stolen kisses in the dark of night. If he wants me, he needs to be all in, and that’s not Rip. I’ve never known him to be serious about anyone. His love is for the land that his family will one day pass on to him. That’s a truth that I need to learn to face.
As quietly as I can, I grab my clothes and change back into them. Folding his T-shirt neatly, I place it on top of his dresser. Blindly, I make my way back downstairs to the living room and settle on the couch. Pulling the throw over me, I silently let my tears fall.
The sudden hum of the refrigerator wakes me up. Glancing around, I see the sun starting to rise through the window as memories of last night rush back to me. I should get up and leave. My car is here and facing Rip, and his rejection, doesn’t really sound like a good time. Sitting up, I stretch my arms above my head, then stand to fold the blanket and return it to the back of the couch. That’s when I feel someone watching me. Turning my head, I see Rip. His hair is tousled, and there are still sleep marks against his cheek. He’s wearing the same low-hung basketball shorts, and with no shirt, his chiseled upper body is on display.
“You okay?” His voice is laced with sleep and so damn sexy.
“Yeah. I’m uh… just going to head home.” I mess with the pillows, rearranging them to have something to do with my hands. That’s why I don’t see him approach.
“Come back to bed, Kenna.”
“I should really go.”
“Please?”
I want to. More than anything, I want to go back to his warm, cozy bed and let him hold me, but I need to preserve my heart here. “I’m not sure that’s a good idea.”
“Are you mad at me? Is this about last night?” He places his hands on my hips and turns me to face him. With one hand cupping my cheek, he uses the index finger of the other to wipe the tears under my eyes, he then lifts my chin so that we are face-to-face. “I’m sorry if I went too far, but damn it, McKenna, a man is only so strong. You were drinking… and damn it, I’m sorry. Please come back to bed.”
“Wh-What?” I ask as my brain tries to comprehend what he’s saying.
“Come on. It’s still early.” He laces his fingers through mine, and I follow him back upstairs and into his room. He closes the door, and the audible sound of the lock clicking in place has my heart skipping a beat.
Without saying a word, he leads me to the bed and pulls the covers back with a nod for me to climb in. Like the fool that I am for him, I do as he asks. I watch as he rounds the bed and climbs in, tugging me into his arms.