But sometime in the last few weeks, he’d stopped treating me as a kid who was doing his baby, and back to the kid he considered a second son… plus the ball-busting at every turn. Being called a prick, a cocksucker, or even a worthless piece of shit by Trey was a compliment. That was just the way he showed his love for his best friends… except my mom. He and Mom had a unique relationship. Besides his wife and daughter, the next female in line for his heart was Mom.
Miraculously, he finally allowed Alivia to stay with me down the Shore. Maybe having Edna there gave him a false sense of security? Or the more believable scenario was that Camilla or even my mother had ripped into him. Whatever. The main thing was he’d backed off, and because he had, I got to be alone with my girl at my parents’ house, loving beach life.
Together day in and out, swimming, lounging, and fucking at our whim… well, not completely at our whim. The fucking had to be coordinated in the middle of the night or when Edna ran an errand. Still, it was goddamn heaven.
Today my family was on the way to the beach house for the weekend while Alivia and I were in my BMW X5 heading back to the city. I rarely got to drive and found it relaxing. Alivia, on the other hand, hated it. She had gotten her license mainly because I persuaded her to.
The need to head home had to do with a launch party No Rulz was booked to play tonight. Some rich dude owned the fashion magazine Harrison’s mother worked for, and she had hooked us up months ago.
No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t convince Alivia to come. With no Kim or Ashley, she didn’t feel comfortable tagging along. She hadn’t seen her best friend since they’d gotten home last Saturday and thought it would be good to have a night in with Kim.
When a light drizzle began to fall through the open sunroof, I pushed the button to close it as Alivia turned on the air-conditioning.
“Here comes the rain.” It was supposed to pour most of the day. “Hopefully it’ll help the sweltering heat in the city.” She shifted the vent until the cold air caused her hair to billow around her head. I missed her curls but loved the feel of those silky strands through my fingers.
“At least we’re making great time,” I said above the music playing. We’d been coasting up the parkway for an hour now as the southbound lanes heading to the beach crawled on the other side of the concrete barrier.
“I should text my dad to tell him I’ll be home in time for lunch.”
She pulled out her phone, and before she could even bring it to life, I barked, “The hell you will.” Yes, her parents would be home, but my apartment was nice and empty. “If they aren’t expecting us until later—”
“You are Mr. One-Track Mind,” she accused.
“I own that title proudly.” Reaching over, I grabbed her hand. “It’s your fault, really… being hot and sexy all the time.” Grinning at her audible huff, I expected a smart-ass retort any moment. When none came and she twisted her head away, I knew something was bothering her. “Baby, what’s wrong?” She’d been sullen all week, and I ignored it, knowing it probably had to do with her period coming.
Her head swung my way and she smiled. “Nothing.” But her crystal-blue eyes told another story.
“You’re lying to me.” She pulled her hand from mine and paused, so I pushed. “Liv?”
“I’m worried about you.”
“Me? Why?”
Her shoulders rose in a shrug. “I just don’t want you to have any regrets.”
What the hell was she talking about? “What would I regret?” Her silence prompted me to assume. “Regret us?”
“Well, no,” she said, seeming affronted and making me feel like an ass. “But I guess since you mentioned it, then yes… that too.”
“I feel like you’re talking in code.” My annoyance was clear when I focused back on the road. “Where the hell is this coming from? I got the same vibe as the day you came home from Martha’s Vineyard. It feels like something is on your mind, and you keep dropping hints before backpedaling. Stop playing games, Liv. What is bothering you?”
“Fine… you want to know? I’ll tell you. I worry you’ll regret going to NYU because of me. I saw how your face lit up when you talked about the festival in LA and don’t want to hold you back—”
“Hold me back how?”
“From your dream, Shane. I don’t have a doubt in my mind you won’t achieve it. Your talent makes it inevitable. But everything you do is to please someone else. You’re hanging out with me so much because your friends are all single now. You’re not playing like you wanted to because you’re dependent on your band. You’re going to school because your parents want you to. You chose NYU because I’m going there. It’s all because of someone else. I don’t want you to regret your choices.”
“Besides being way off the mark,” I said, not bothering to hide my anger, “it’s really not fair for you to drop this on me while I’m driving, Alivia.”
“I’m sorry. You’re right. Forget it.” Her words said one thing, but the tone behind hinted they were just words to shut me up.
“I will for now.” I sliced my gaze toward her and waited for a nod before looking back when one didn’t immediately come. “Stop picking a fight with me. There isn’t a thing about us that I regret.”
“I’m not picking a fight, but again, you keep mentioning us. I’m more concerned with the choices you’re making.” That time when I looked her way, an undeniable smirk sarcastically lifted her lips. “Whatever.” I always hated when she dismissed me in her whatever way, but I let it go as she said, “Tell me what songs you guys are playing tonight.”
I began to catalog our playlist with little emotion. I also hated when she pulled shit like this on me. I wasn’t sure if it pissed me off that she even had such thoughts, or because she’d hit a nerve I hadn’t been aware of until now. Yes, some of the decisions that I had made thus far were because others nudged me in that direction. So?
Then again, was all my talk about following my dream just talk? Like tonight, for instance. At first, I was stoked to play until my buddies carried on about the guests that would be there—supermodels, professional athletes, and maybe even a few actors. They were more excited about hanging at the party once our set was over than playing. That meant I had to ward off the attention my friends would bring on us… and that shit was exhausting. Because of it, the entire evening now seemed like a burden.
But, with Alivia’s words fresh in my mind, I had to question if all my choices were merely a way to self-sabotage? Was I afraid of what came with the fame? Or worse, of what would come of us?
There was no reason for me to assume it would damage me and her. I came from a set of rock stars who would die without the other, but my parents were both in the business and had climbed toward fame together.
Alivia came from the same loving foundation, but Camilla and Trey got together after he’d already found fame, after he’d had a breakdown, and after he’d fought his way back.
Although I was young, I’d witnessed it all firsthand. Remembering moments of terror because I thought I’d never see him again. I was so hell-bent on not becoming what Trey had become that once Alivia came into my life, I clung to her like she was a life preserver in stormy seas. She was my rock, my always.