Chapter Fourteen
Alivia
Since getting to Kim’s place, it had been hard to be my normal supportive self. I really tried to be what she needed by listening as she vented. Every emotion that had plagued her after breaking up with Chase only seemed to make my heart ache for other reasons.
While Edward and Bella stared at each other on the TV, Kim’s mom called from the kitchen, “Sweetheart… popcorn is ready!”
“Coming.” Kim grabbed the remote and hit pause. “What do you want to drink?”
“Water is fine.”
Instead of getting off the bed, she stared at me. “You okay?” The dazed look I gave her forced a frown. “You haven’t been yourself all night. Is something wrong?”
“I just have a headache,” I lied. Headache… period… I was running out of excuses.
Her head shifted in a sympathetic tilt. “Do you want aspirin?”
“I took some earlier.”
“Okay… I’ll be right back.”
She slipped out of the door, leaving me alone in her room and feeling bad. The whole reason for tonight was to spend time with her, but all I could think about was Shane… and not in the way he usually held space in my thoughts. Our conversation in the car had been left dangling between us, but I stood by my admission. I couldn’t be the reason he continued down a path he might regret someday.
He’d accused me of picking a fight, and the more I thought of it, the more I could understand him feeling that way. It wasn’t fair to plant a seed like that and then pretend it was no big deal. But now that I had those thoughts, I couldn’t ignore them. It was that look of pure joy on his face when he talked about the festival that created new doubts I’d never had before.
Was it the location that gave him satisfaction or was it performing at all? With school and me taking up much of his time, when would he get to experience that again? If he finally addressed the fact that his friends couldn’t give a shit about playing, would he find a dedicated group who could forever change his life? If so, how would I fit in?
The closer we got to starting college the more those concerns would nag me. Eventually, I’d need to address them with Shane, and based on how he became annoyed this morning, I had no idea how to do that.
A few minutes later, Kim returned and placed a bowl of popcorn on her nightstand before handing me my drink. Raising the remote to resume the movie, she aimed it at the screen, only to lower it again. “Okay… be honest. Have I been too needy?”
“What? No.”
“You’re lying.”
“I’m not lying.” I met her gaze, trying to appear convincing. “Breaking up is hard, and I’m sure I’d be leaning on you if the tables were turned.”
“As if that would ever happen,” she quipped with an eye roll. “You and Shane have your lives all mapped out for you.” Her flippant comment only made me feel worse. That was exactly what Shane and I had… a future that had been neatly laid out for us.
With a click of the remote, she resumed the movie and chomped on some popcorn. But when she offered me the bowl and received a less-than-enthusiastic shake of my head, she again hit pause. “You’re definitely not into this. I can tell. Would you rather do something else? We can go get ice cream.”
“Actually, will you be mad if I left? My head really is pounding.” I just couldn’t focus or pretend to. “I’m sorry.”
“Stop… it’s fine, Liv.” She wiped her hands of salt before taking mine. “Promise me if I’m annoying you that you’ll tell me.”
“You’re annoying me,” I said with a straight face, earning me a shove.
A few minutes later, I was standing in their foyer saying good night. Since Kim had told her parents what had happened to Shane and the boys in LA, Mr. Gambera had insisted on personally putting me in a cab and calling my dad to meet me when I arrived.
The drive took six minutes instead of four. When the yellow sedan pulled up in front of my building, my dad came over and paid the man in cash before opening my door.
“You okay, baby girl?” he asked, leading me inside with a firm hand on my back.
“Yeah. I just have a headache,” I repeated once again.
Blue eyes exact to mine stared down at me. “Hey, what do you call a parade of rabbits hopping backward?” When all he got was a shrug, he added, “A receding hairline.” My small smile prompted a suspicious smirk. “What? No calling me a dork? No eye roll? Now I know something’s up.” But all levity vanished when I remained silent, and he rubbed my back encouragingly until we’d stepped into our quiet apartment. “Do you want to talk about it?”
Knowing my brother was having a sleepover at the Lairs,’ I asked, “Where’s Mom?” I hated that my question seemed so insensitive, but she was always my sounding board, especially regarding Shane.
“One of her clients is having a painting party… whatever that is.” My solemn nod seemed to be the final straw. “Okay… what’s wrong, Livi?” he asked, using the nickname reserved for situations requiring him to pull on his “parenting pants.”
“I don’t know where to begin.”
He took my hand and led me into the den. The moment we walked through the door, I felt comforted. Dad knew I loved that room, with his bass guitars scattered on stands, his many awards won over the years, and tons of photos of him, his band, and us. Compared to the rest of our penthouse, it was more casual, cozier. It was where he and Shane would play together, and sitting there watching them was one of my favorite things to do.
“Tell me what’s bothering you… and I’ll fix it.”
“I don’t think you can fix it this time, Daddy.” My father was a big old softie when it came to me. Mainly because when I’d crashed into his life at the age of five, he’d desperately wanted us to connect and spoiled me rotten. Even after he and Mom had gotten married, he’d continued to spoil me while leaving the disciplining to her because she was better at it… his words.
“Are you two fighting?” he asked.
“No.” My quick response left no reason for him to question it.
“Then what?”
In retrospect, Dad would be the perfect person to talk to. Despite the fact he wasn’t thrilled that Shane and I were now a couple, I knew he’d listen to my concerns objectively. Before becoming a family man, my father had lived a colorful, dramatic, and even tragic life. It had made him the man he was today. He’d be the first to say those experiences were necessary for him to become an adoring husband and father. All that he’d lived through needed to happen.
Having said that, my dad had been through hell to find love and would understand my torment in wanting to hold on to it.
As I debated how to begin, his attention remained steady on my face. So I dragged in a deep breath and went for it. “I’m worried that Shane will… regret… going to NYU this fall.” I was beginning to hate that word.
Dad folded his arms, settled back against the couch, and nodded. “Go on.”
Now that I’d decided to seek his advice, it was easier to unleash the rest of my concerns. Just as I’d told my boyfriend, I told Dad I felt every choice Shane had made was because someone else wanted him to. From his parents and their insistence that he get a degree, to me being in his life, it all felt wrong.