“And there are a lot of hands around here,” Jill said with a nod. “That I do understand.”
“Yep. And you’ve got two of the best right there on that boy.” Ellie’s affectionate gaze settled on Zeke.
“He is pretty great,” Jill agreed.
“When he has a reason to be great, he sure is.”
“When he has a reason?”
“He’s the baby of the family. And we’ve all definitely let him be the baby. As far as I can tell, you’re the best thing to happen to him. He’s been less needy in the past few weeks than ever before.”
Jill felt her heart flip at that. “I didn’t get pregnant so that Zeke wouldn’t be the baby anymore.”
“I didn’t say the baby was the best thing to happen. You,” Ellie said. “Zeke’s been reading up on Galápagos penguins and the Galápagos Islands. He’s been helping round up the goats when Benny corrals them, because he knows that you would be upset if one of them gets hurt. He’s kept all of us away from the penguins and trust me, that is a big deal. Marcy at the grocery store told me that she’s seen Zeke more times in the past six weeks than she has in the previous six years put together. Bailey told me that they’ve had fewer complaints about Chuck being a nuisance because Zeke has been feeding him and keeping him down by the water’s edge so he stays out of your yard. Which keeps him out of other people’s yards too. And all of that was before he even knew about the baby.”
Jill knew she was staring. “He’s been taking care of the goats and Chuck?”
“And I guarantee you that before you came to town he would’ve just assumed somebody else would take care of it.”
“I’m not very good at letting people take care of me,” Jill said. But everything in her was saying, I want Zeke to take care of me.
Ugh. Pathetic. If nothing else, she was nine years older than him. She still didn’t love thinking about that too hard.
Ellie waved that away. “But he’s doin’ it anyway. Landrys aren’t that great about asking for permission.”
Jill thought about that. So she had been good for Zeke. And while she definitely appreciated him keeping the alligator out of her yard, Zeke didn’t just do things for her. He calmed her down. He made her smile. He made her feel amazing instead of weird. And he actually decreased her stress levels. When he was around, she felt more confident and calm. And definitely happier.
“Do you think I’m a terrible person for never having wanted to be a mother?”
Suddenly Ellie Landry’s opinion of her mattered a lot. She didn’t try to explain it or figure it out. A lot of things seemed to happen suddenly in Autre with the Landry family.
Ellie scoffed. “I love pecan pie. But I don’t want to eat it twenty-four seven. I love goin’ to church, but I don’t want to sit there twenty-four seven. Being a mom is a twenty-four seven job and it’s okay to not like it every single one of those hours.”
“I never planned on doing it for any hours though.”
“Just because you can have a baby, doesn’t mean you have to want to.”
“I’ve been thinking about it a lot the last few days,” Jill said. “And I don’t know that it’s that I don’t want to. I just never planned to. And now I’m trying to adjust to this new reality. I was always given the impression by my mother that you can’t do more than one thing really well. And that if there’s something that you really, really want to do and you want to be the best at it, then it has been the only thing you do. So, a long time ago, I decided I wanted to study and work with penguins and I told myself I wasn’t going to do anything else.”
“And now you’re figuring out there’s something else you have to do?”
“Yeah, and I’m afraid I’m not going to be able to do either one well.”
“Lots of people work and have kids.”
“But I tend to go all in. I’m really afraid that if I have the baby and keep working, the penguins will come first.”
“So what are you saying?”
“I…” Jill took a deep breath. Then swallowed. Then finally said out loud what she’d been thinking about for the past week. “I think I need to give up the penguins.”
Wow. Hearing the words out loud made them feel real.
Ellie looked shocked. “You would give up the penguins for your baby?”
“Of course. It’s what moms do, right?” It was what her own mom had done. “Besides it’s really unfair to the penguins too. I’m not really doing a good job with them. Turns out this is all I know and…it’s not working. Maybe this is the universe’s sign that I’m not one who should have these penguins.”
“Who should have them then?”
“There are a number of people who would take them. I’ve already made a couple calls.”
There were three people in the Galápagos penguin project alone who were interested in adding her penguins to their collections.
“Honey, I don’t want you to feel like you have to do that,” Ellie said, looking concerned. “I don’t know anything about penguins, but I know a lot about diapers and discipline. I can help with those while you raise those penguin babies.”
Yeah, well, there were no penguin babies. But there was a human baby.
And she only had a few months to learn everything she needed to know about him or her.
She’d spent the past nearly ten years, learning everything she could about penguins, even more if she went way back to all the books she’d read as a kid, and, clearly, she still didn’t know everything she needed to know.
She really did like having all the answers.
And according to Ellie—who would clearly know—she needed to get over that.
Jill looked at Zeke. Hold on tight to something that’s anchored deep.
He was laughing and talking with his brother, but he looked over and caught her eye and gave her a wink.
At least she’d gotten that part right.
“Hey, it would be really great if you would stop buying my girlfriend things and doing stuff for her,” Zeke told his brother, as Zeke caught Jill’s eye and gave her a wink.
She’d been talking with Ellie and she looked…thoughtful.
Ellie had that effect on people.
Zander lifted his bottle of beer to his lips. “What do you mean?”
Zeke turned back to his brother. “If Jill needs anything, I’m the guy. Got it?”
Zander smirked. “Look, if my neighbor needs her drain snaked, I’m not gonna say no.”
Zeke narrowed his eyes. “Jill does not need her drain snaked.”
“Not at the moment anyway. I took care of that four days ago.”
“You did not snake her drain.”
“Well, I offered. And I made sure she knows I’m available any time she needs it.”
“Stop saying it like that.”
Zander smirked at him. “Like what?”
“Like you’re talking about more than pulling gross, clumpy wet hair out of her actual drain.” Zeke shuddered as he said it. He could handle blood, vomit, and even animal poop, but wet hair in a shower drain was disgusting.