Abby and Shandra appear next, walking gracefully up the aisle. Predictably, Abby’s eyes are locked on Kai, and I’m sure they are probably remembering their beach wedding. Drew is staring straight ahead, purposely not looking at Shandra, and there is a strange look on his face. He’s a hard one to figure out. I don’t know if he confides in Anderson, because they are close, but if he does, Kai never says.
Lauder’s sharp intake of breath snaps me out of my head, and I lift my chin, a genuine smile coasting over my face when I spot Travis walking a clearly emotional Vanessa up the aisle. Lauder’s eyes turn suspiciously glassy, and I clamp a hand on his shoulder for moral support. His Adam’s apple jumps in his throat as his eyes remain fixated on his beautiful bride.
Van looks stunning in a princess-style ivory dress. Her blonde hair is pulled into a bun, and she’s wearing a tiara with a lace veil flowing down her back. Tears are pouring down her face, and the look of love in her eyes as she stares at Jackson is unmistakable.
“I’m happy for you, man,” I tell him, feeling a little choked up. “She looks beautiful, and she’s a wonderful woman. She’s good for you.”
“You’re good for each other,” Anderson adds.
“She is the best thing to ever happen to me,” Lauder agrees, unable to tear his gaze from her.
“No one should be forced into marrying someone they don’t want to,” Anderson says, in a hushed tone, his mouth pressed up against my ear. “It’s not fair to you or Sydney.”
“Life isn’t fair,” I reply, swallowing thickly as my eyes meet Xavier’s. He’s seated beside Jamison. Their hands are clasped together on his thigh, and a lump forms in my throat.
We should be here together.
That should be me holding his hand, not that scrawny punk who doesn’t deserve him.
I step back a little as Jackson reaches for Van, eyeballing Anderson. “Not everyone gets their heart’s desire.”
9
Sawyer
“I’ve been looking for you all day,” Abby says, coming up alongside me. I’ve been hiding out on the terrace the past twenty minutes, tucked into a corner out of view of the main room. Sydney is sitting with my parents, and I just needed a breather. She rests her elbows on the rail and we stare in silence at the placid ocean, bathed in a silvery glow from the moon, as gentle waves lap at the shore.
Behind us, the party is in full swing. It’s a miracle I survived the day, and I’m glad it’s almost over.
“I’ve been avoiding you,” I truthfully admit after a few beats of silence.
“I don’t understand it, Sawyer.” She glances sideways at me, and I meet her gaze. “You are the one person who has always danced to his own tune, so how is this happening? Does Xavier really mean so little to you that you’d throw what you have away?”
“Xavier doesn’t have anything to do with this decision, Abby.”
“And that’s my fucking problem,” she hisses, grabbing my elbow. “Why not? Why isn’t he at the forefront of everything? Don’t try to pretend you don’t care. I know that’s bullshit.”
“What do you want me to say, Abby? You want me to tell my dad to take a hike? To watch him and thousands of his employees lose the shirts off their backs? To stand back and let the elite win this round, because proof or not, I fucking know they are involved. If they succeed in taking my dad down, it will encourage them to keep going. Who is their next target?” I drill her with a look because we both know they’ll come after the Andersons next. “I’m sick of everyone giving me shit when I’m trying to do the right thing. I’m the one who is paying the price, yet I’m the one getting yelled at.” My chest heaves as everything I’ve been keeping bottled up inside me today erupts. “You think it’s easy for me to be here watching the guy I want with someone else? Having to pretend I’m all loved up with a woman I barely know and have little desire to?” I throw my hands in the air. “Tell me again how little he means to me! How little you all mean to me,” I snap.
“We’ll find another way. You don’t have to do this.” Tentatively, she touches my arm.
“There is no other way.” I shuck her hand off, staring into the distance as two shapes come into view.
“You’re going to lose him,” she says in a soft tone. “You’ve pushed him away one too many times.”
“I tried not to catch feelings for him,” I admit. “I tried to stay away, but he got under my skin.” Propping my hip against the railing, I turn and face her. “I didn’t get it. On paper, we don’t work. We are complete opposites in so many ways. We drive each other insane half the time, but in every other way, it’s perfect. He gets me, even if he doesn’t always understand the way I am. He knows when to push and when to pull back. He lets me take the lead even though we both know he’s the one in charge. The bigger man. The better person.”
She glances over my shoulder, urging me to continue with her eyes.
“I love how he knows all these random facts. No matter how obscure or bizarre my question is, he always knows the answer. Or how he’s always spouting movie quotes, and he has an entire drawer full of superhero underwear. I love that he conquered his fear of motorcycles and now he has two. I even love how ridiculous he is in those Batman leathers. I love how fucking smart he is. Honestly, watching him work gives me the biggest hard-on. I love his smart mouth and his witty comebacks. I love the ridiculousness of his humor and how he has no filter. I love how loyal he is and how he’d do anything for his friends. I love that he has the biggest heart and how he was willing to make himself vulnerable for me even when I couldn’t give him the same in return.”
“Why have you never said any of those things to me?”
I squeeze my eyes shut, torn between chewing Abby out for goading me into my admission, turning around to face Xavier, or running off and pretending like he didn’t hear me saying all that shit.
“Answer me.” Xavier tugs on my arm, and the air swirls as he moves to stand in front of me, obliterating my choices.
Slowly, I peel my eyes open, noticing the creases in his suit and the sand stuck to one side of his neck. Jamison stands awkwardly to the side, his clothing in similar disarray, and I don’t need an overactive imagination to know what they were doing. Bile crawls up my throat, and pain quickly turns to anger as liquid rage floods my veins.
“This was a private conversation, and you know what they say about people who eavesdrop.” I shove his hand away. “Go back to your fuck buddy.”
“We’re more than that,” Jamison, bravely or stupidly, says. “You didn’t want him, but I do.”
“Shut your face, or I’ll shut it for you.” I glare at him. “This has nothing to do with me not wanting him, and you know nothing.”
“Jon Snow,” Xavier says, and I whip my head around to him, only half surprised he’d make a joke right now. My lips twitch, and he shrugs. “I couldn’t help it. You handed it to me on a platter.”
God. I have missed this. Missed him.
“What?” Jamison asks, looking confused.