“Don’t worry about it. It’s not beer, and I don’t think that’s the worst thing that’s ended up on these carpets. About what you’re trying to pull off tonight? Women can be mysterious creatures. One second you think you’re giving them exactly what they want, and the next you wake up in bed alone.”
“I’m sure that’s not a problem for you. We had to hire extra female security guards who wouldn’t be swayed by just how convincing your female fans can be.”
He laughed again and scrubbed his hand over his closely shorn hair. “They can be persistent, but those days are long behind us. We were never the ‘party until we’re puking up blood’ kind of guys. Even Lockwood doesn’t go the groupie route. At least not when he’s sober.” He grimaced. “Anyway, you’ll kill it out there, and if your girl doesn’t come around, I’m sure there are plenty of women who’ll be throwing themselves at you after the show.”
“Dressed like this?” I got up and held my arms out at my sides. From the second I’d left the apartment like this, I’d felt like I was wandering around naked. The looks from people who knew me confirmed just how different I looked. I hadn’t felt like I had a shield up to everyone, but even Everest, Leo, Jameson, and August had done double takes when they had first seen me. Maybe I was better at hiding parts of myself in plain sight than I’d realized.
Sabrina’s words came flooding back to me, and it solidified my resolve to not chicken out. I had a lot to prove, and I might only have this one shot.
“You’re going out onstage looking like that? I thought these were your pre-show clothes because you’d be helping the roadies or doing mechanic work during our set.”
“Ha-ha, very funny. No, this is what I’m going out there in.”
“Balls of steel. I mean, we don’t exactly have a glam-rock look or anything, but—I’m pretty sure I can see your pits through that hole.”
“Yup.”
With a look of uncertainty and pity, Camden nodded. “If she’s got you going out there like this, Mr. Impeccable, then you must really care about her.”
“More than care.” I loved her. In a way that made me crazy, because as much as I should want to run from it, being away from her hurt so much more than all the imagined scenarios that had run through my head since Christmas Eve night.
I walked down the painted cinderblock hallways to the stage. The music vibrated the floor and got louder with each step.
More than a few people shot me looks as I passed by, and if I hadn’t had the all-access laminate dangling from my neck, there would probably have been a few people trying to stop me along the way. My suits were my armor. They deflected most uncomfortable situations and got me into places I wouldn’t otherwise have been able to go.
Right now, I wouldn’t be able to talk my way into a Wendy’s drive-through.
The music thudded in my chest when I got to the side of the stage. Fans screamed, probably a decibel from having their eardrums ruptured, but they stared up at the stage, entranced by the performance.
Onstage, Noah Ellis finished up his set. The lights cut out, and he rushed off to the wings, sweating and grinning. Glow sticks and flashlights lit his way.
The crowd didn’t quiet down. They were chanting his name. Even though Without Grey was coming up next, there was a vocal portion of the audience screaming his name.
He turned back toward the stage. “Can I?” He looked to the tech running the soundboard and then to me.
“Go for it.”
There was a flurry of chatter between all the backstage crew.
The tech checked Noah’s in-ear monitor battery. “You’re good to go.”
He rushed over and shook my hand again. “Thanks, Hunter, for this chance. You guys were always so nice to me whenever I played at The Griffin.”
“Don’t worry about it. In a year I won’t even be able to get you on the phone.”
He laughed, swung his guitar back in front of him and jogged out onto the stage.
The encore might’ve been another chance for me to stall what was coming. My stomach churned like I’d eaten bad takeout. It wasn’t the thought of walking out there—it was knowing I might walk out there and it wouldn’t matter one bit. That I might’ve ruined the best thing I’d ever had in my life because I was afraid of losing it.
Turned out pushing her away had hurt me more than I had thought possible.
Not waking up next to her had made me feel like my chest had been hollowed out. I’d stare up at the ceiling, straining to hear her bumping around in the house, although I knew she was gone. I slept in total silence so I’d hear even the jingle of the door handle. Instead there was only the beating of my own heart and the blanket of quiet in the apartment.
“You sure you’re up for this?” Everest stepped up beside me with his arms crossed over his chest. The suit he was in made him look like he was running the show tonight, not me.
“What are you doing here?” I hadn’t expected him to come, not knowing Maddy would be in the same building.
“It’s your big night. Why wouldn’t I be here?” Every muscle in his body was rigid and set like he was a wrong move from shattering.
“You know why.” I tilted my head to check behind me. Maddy hadn’t been in the greenroom, so she was probably somewhere around here.
“She’s in the other wing.”
That explained why he was over here when the backstage party area was set up over there. “Have you seen her?”
“We saw each other.”
And most likely fled in the opposite direction.
“She didn’t seem like she was looking for closure. She looked straight through me.”
Even over the booming music and rising guitar crescendo Noah built to on the stage, I could hear the heartache in his voice.
“She’s working. She takes her job very seriously.”
“It’s the most important thing in her life, right? Makes sense. I need a drink.” The front was slipping—before it had been easy to skate over the way Maddy affected him, but it was getting closer to the surface. He walked to the unattended bar setup and poured two shots.
Camden had been right. There was so much anguish and suffering between them both. They’d have a chance to air it all and finally figure out what they were to each other once everything was set up for their meeting in the new year.
I knew all about regrets, and didn’t want to spend years on that path like the pair of them.
Tonight I’d have my answer. I’d know if there was a chance I could repair what I’d broken, or if she was finished with me.
Checking across the wings of the stage, I spotted Leo.
He nodded. She was here.
I swiped the drink from Everest. The sharp bite shot down my throat. Lifting my hand, I went to adjust a tie that wasn’t there. Instead it was the t-shirt Sabrina had seen me in the first night we met.
One of the audio guys handed me a mic. I wiped my sweaty palms on my pants. It was now or never.
I walked across the stage. Behind the giant curtain, whispered voices got to work finishing up the setup for the big reveal.
“Almost Happy New Year, everyone.”
The crowd screamed and shouted with drinks liberally flowing for hours now. Chants of “Without Grey” popped up from various corners of the arena.