“Maybe what?” he asked, leaning his forearms onto his thighs.
She swiveled her chair toward the computer on her right. “I know a few tricks. I might be able to search some of these screen names, see if I can cross-reference them on other sites and figure out who these guys are. At the very least, if we can figure out where they live, she can rest easy knowing they aren’t local.”
“Local.” The thought made his stomach flip over. “Let’s hope to God that isn’t the case.”
“I highly doubt it,” she said. “Most trolls never come out of the dark. They like wielding power on the internet because that’s all they’ve got. But let me do some poking around, and I’ll see what I can find.”
“Really?”
She shrugged. “Yeah, sure. I mean, it will be unofficially. It’s not police business. But no one should have to put up with that kind of abuse, especially when all Andi’s trying to do is help women keep themselves safe.”
He reached out and put his hand over hers. “Thanks, Chris.”
She smiled and pressed her other hand over his. “She seems like a really interesting gi—woman. I wouldn’t have predicted you’d go for someone who writes horror novels and looks like she could be in a punk band, but I’m glad you found someone who’s helping you get back to your old self.”
He slipped his hand from between hers. “My old self?”
She nodded, gaze going serious. “Yeah, the guy who doesn’t hide himself away and let the world go by. The guy who doesn’t cut off all his old friends. The guy who was good at being the hero.”
His jaw flexed. “Andi doesn’t need a hero.”
“No, I’m sure she doesn’t,” she agreed. “But sometimes fighting on behalf of someone else helps us remember that our own life is worth fighting for, too.” She gave him a pointed look. “I’ve been worried about you, Hill. Mad at you. But also worried.”
The bald truth in her tone had him standing up. “I’m okay. Better than I was.”
She stood and stepped around the desk. “Yeah. I see that. I’m glad.”
He cleared his throat. “Well, I better get going. Thanks again for being willing to help with this. Call me if you find anything useful?”
“Of course.”
Before he realized what she was doing, she stepped forward and put her arms around him, hugging him. On instinct, he returned the hug, the familiar scent of her shampoo drifting upward. It smelled like another lifetime.
“I’m glad we don’t have to hate each other anymore,” she said, a little catch in her voice.
He released a breath and gave her back an awkward pat. “Me too, Chris.”
She let him go and stepped back, straightening her uniform, her cheeks reddening. “God, I’m sorry. Now the hormones are turning me into a hugger.”
He chuckled at her dismay. “Oh, the horror.”
“Don’t tell anyone on your way out.” She pointed at him. “I have a reputation to protect.”
He winked. “Your secret’s safe with me. We’ll talk soon.”
Hill left her with the screenshots and headed out, feeling lighter than he had in a long time. Hate really did take a lot of energy. He wished the best for Chris, but she no longer got to take up space in his head or his heart. He walked out of the station and finally—finally—let go of what they’d had. It’d only been a story he’d been telling himself anyway. That fairy tale had never been real.
No more stories.
No more turning things into what they weren’t.
Eyes wide open from now on.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Andi traced Hill’s scars gently with a fingertip, her cheek against his chest, her body sated and heavy after an afternoon of seeing who could give the other the more powerful orgasm. He’d won—or she had—depending on how she looked at it. “This hooking-up-with-the-neighbor plan is going to be hell on my daily word count.”
Hill’s fingers glided along her scalp, combing lazily through her hair. “But think how many realistic sex scenes you can add to your book.”
She laughed. “I’m going to end up shelved in the erotica section at this rate.”
“Nothing wrong with that.”
She let her fingertips follow the trail of hair down to his navel, enjoying the way his belly dipped under her touch and how the sheets twitched where they were draped over his naked bottom half. She loved having this languid time after sex. She’d always known that she was missing out on some level by not having a sex life, but she’d focused on the actual physical act. She’d reasoned that she could give herself an orgasm, so she didn’t need a partner to provide that. But she hadn’t thought about the before times or the after times, those moments of intimacy that could bookend the sex. This felt luxurious.
“I love this,” she said, her thought slipping out. She winced, wishing she could call it back.
Hill kept playing with her hair. “What?”
She watched her fingers map his abdomen. “The full access to touch you,” she said, trying to find a way to explain herself. “It’s a big deal for someone to give another person permission to touch them. That can kind of get lost in the franticness of sex. But that kind of trust is a gift. Not one I give out easily, and I suspect not one you give away freely either. So, I’m…enjoying my season pass.”
He pressed a kiss to the crown of her head. “I like you touching me.”
“Same.” She closed her eyes and took a fortifying breath, his reaction giving her a little boost of boldness. “Hill?”
“Yeah?” he said, a sleepy note in his voice.
Gathering her bravery, she pushed herself up onto her elbow to look down at him. His eyes were at half-mast in the lamplight. God, he was handsome. It wasn’t even fair. How was she supposed to maintain clear boundaries when he was so beautiful and sweet? “Can I be totally honest with you?”
His eyes opened fully, concern there. “Of course.”
She rubbed her lips together, nerves fluttering in her belly. “I’m starting to wonder why we’re going the friends route instead of trying to date for real.”
His forehead wrinkled. “Because we agreed we both weren’t in the right headspace to date someone right now.”
“Right, I know, but is there really a perfect headspace?” she asked. “Like, will there be an actual day when I’m like… Oh, I’m totes over that trauma and now I’m ready for my real life to start. Hurrah! I mean, what would that even look like or feel like?”