“Andi…”
“And what if in order to heal from the trauma, I have to take action instead of waiting?” She pulled the comforter up to wrap around her chest. She couldn’t have this conversation with her boobs out. “What if this could be something, and we’re not even giving ourselves a chance to find out? We’re like boxing it in instead of letting it have the freedom to explore.”
Hill frowned as he shifted to sit up and lean against the headboard. “Andi, you are taking action. This—what we’re doing—is action. And that urge you’re feeling to turn it into something more, it’s probably because it’s new and you feel safe with me.” Something flickered in his eyes, maybe sadness. “Because of what you went through, you skipped over those first-time experiences, so this is yours. First-time stuff feels intense and more monumental. It’s easy to get attached quickly.”
“Hill—”
“I’ve been there,” he said, quietly cutting her off. “It happened to me with Christina. She was the first serious relationship I had, and I made it into something it wasn’t. I’m proof that it doesn’t lead anywhere good.”
“That’s not what this is,” she said, but doubt was creeping in. “This isn’t because you’re first.”
He grabbed her hand and brought it to his mouth, kissing her knuckles. “I’m enjoying this time with you. I can’t even tell you how much. But I’m very aware of what this is. I know I’m just the practice guy.”
“The practice guy?”
“Yes. With me, you’re learning what you like, how to be comfortable with a guy, how to have fun in bed, how not to be scared. But you’re young and have put your love life on hold a long time,” he said, his eyes searching hers. “You have so many experiences ahead of you—terrible first dates, one-night stands, heartbreaks that teach you what you want, and eventually, the kind of guy you deserve.”
His words made her throat feel tight. “And you can’t be that guy?”
He shook his head. “I’m not that guy.”
She looked away, feeling stupid that she’d put her feelings all out there like that when they’d agreed this was only a friends-with-kissing arrangement.
Hill squeezed her fingers. “I’m not the guy, but I am your friend. And I love spending time with you, and I love what we’re doing. I don’t want to end this, but I also promised you one hundred percent honesty.”
She closed her eyes, letting those words roll over her. “You did.” She turned her head and looked at him. “And I appreciate that, but I also am not going to let you tell me how I feel. I don’t feel close to you because you’re first. I feel close to you because you’re you. But I can respect that you don’t want more than what we have going right now. I know I’m trying to change the rules of the agreement we made.”
He reached out and cupped her face. “I don’t want to end this yet, but I understand if you do.”
She stared at him for a long second, considering the possibility of walking away right now, of saving herself a heartbreak, of giving this a clean ending. But she couldn’t form the words. She wasn’t ready to walk away yet, and she knew she wasn’t ready to go out into the dating world at large. If he was her practice guy, then she definitely needed a lot more practice. “I’m not ready to turn in my season pass yet.”
Relief crossed his face and he smiled. “Thank God.”
She shifted her body and straddled his waist. “But be careful. You better not fall for me. Keep spending time with me, and you’ll find out I’m pretty fucking awesome.”
Hill smiled but his eyes remained solemn. “I already know that. I’ve known it from the start.”
***
Hell. Andi didn’t know how on the mark she was. Looking up at her, brazenly naked, her red hair falling around her face, that knowing smirk on her lips… Hill was already sunk. He’d realized it when he’d walked out of Christina’s office. He’d been falling for his neighbor since that first night he’d rushed over to her place. But he’d been telling himself a story again.
Andi was on a path to her own healing, and he was just a step along the way. It may take her a while to realize it, but he didn’t want to say yes to dating and then have her look up one day and realize she’d settled for the first guy who hadn’t treated her like shit. He didn’t want to be the default choice. He didn’t want to worry that she’d walk away like Christina had when she found a guy who really lit her up.
He needed to focus on what he could offer her—a friendship and a good time in bed. He slid his hands up her thighs and to her waist. “When do you need me to leave so you can get some writing done?”
She snorted, making the silver ring in her nose glint. “An hour ago.”
“Well, if you’re already late…”
She leaned over and braced her hands on his shoulders, putting her breasts enticingly close to his mouth. “Good thing I’m my own boss.”
He leaned forward and pressed a kiss between her breasts, loving the way she shivered. “Someone definitely deserves a personal day—and a personal night.”
Andi shifted down his body, pulling the sheets with her and straddling his upper thighs. “I can grant you the afternoon, but I’m having girls’ movie night tonight.” She dragged a finger over his quickly stiffening cock. “No penises allowed. And you, my friend, definitely have one of those.”
He groaned at the barely there touch, already starved for her again. “Guess we’ll have to make good use of our time then.”
“Yes, yes we should.” She arched a brow at him. “And this time, I need you to stay just like this. If you’re my practice guy, I’m ready to get some practice in.”
His blood heated at the seductive warning in her voice. Andi’s confidence in bed was growing. It was a sight to behold. “I’m all yours, neighbor.”
“Keep your hands at your sides. For now.”
“Yes, ma’am,” he drawled.
She looked at him from beneath her lashes, and he watched intently as she lowered her head and licked across the tip of his cock. Electric awareness radiated outward from the point of contact. He ached to reach out for her, but he wasn’t going to break her rule, so he kept his arms against the bed.
Andi held the eye contact, bold and brazen, as she took more of him into her mouth, the hot, wet heat of it making every muscle in his body tense with arousal. He couldn’t stop watching her watch him, the connection wildly intense and so fucking erotic that he could barely keep still. This woman was smart and talented and funny, but goddamn, he wouldn’t have suspected that bubbly persona hid a siren.