She grabs his arm. “Don’t go.”
“I was going to sleep on the couch. Josh—”
“Please?” She doesn’t want to be alone; nor does she want to sleep without him. He’s too much a part of this new world she’s building for herself.
Their eyes meet and hold. The whites of his shimmer in the faint moonlight coming through the window. He stands and strips to his boxers, then slides under the covers with a contented sigh.
“Roll over,” he murmurs. She gives him her back and he aligns his body with hers. His fingers caress her arm. His breath warms her neck.
A sob builds in her chest but she locks it up tight. She needs to tell him something she didn’t get around to saying last night.
“I shouldn’t have broken up with you.”
“Which time?” His voice rumbles with a note of humor.
“Both, but I meant the first time. You tried to talk to me and I shut you down every time. I left at the worst possible time.” Harold and Rhonda had finalized their divorce and Harold moved out of town. Blaze rarely saw him. Rhonda was just diagnosed with lymphoma.
“I messed around with Macey because I was screwed up. And—” He heaves a sigh like he’s reluctant to share what he has to say next. “I was mad at Charlotte, not you.”
“My mom?” she asks, surprised. She twists around to face him. “What does she have to do with it?”
He lifts his head and peers down at her. “You don’t know?”
“Know what? What are you talking about?”
“She slept with my dad.”
“She what?” she says, appalled.
“I can’t believe you don’t know.”
“Of course I don’t. She wouldn’t—” She stops. She was about to say Charlotte would never cheat on Dwight, especially since she swears he’s the one sleeping around. But didn’t Olivia wonder about Charlotte just this morning? She swears her mom had a visitor. Someone was in her parents’ room. Charlotte was flustered when Olivia arrived. She wasn’t as put together as normal. Her skin had a slight sheen.
Olivia cups her mouth, mortified. “Oh, my god. I had no idea. I’m so sorry she did that to your family.”
“She didn’t do it alone. Takes two to fool around. My parents were already on the outs.”
“But my mom was the tipping point, wasn’t she?”
Blaze nods slowly.
“She’s the reason summers stopped at the lake.” Olivia is floored.
“One of them.”
“All this time . . .” She stops. Guilt pulls her deeper into the mattress.
“All this time what?”
“I thought it was Lucas’s fault. Remember when he was caught shoplifting? Your parents had my dad take us home early.”
“Your brother was an idiot. He got us into a lot of trouble. But no, my parents loved him.”
She feels the burn of tears. “They didn’t invite us back the following summer.”
He brushes aside the fine hair draping her forehead. “That wasn’t because of Lucas. My parents weren’t getting along. They didn’t want visitors.”
Olivia’s hand rests at her side. She rubs the duvet between her fingers and stares at the ceiling. She’d been wrong about Lucas. She just assumed it was his fault. Just like she assumed Lily betrayed her with Ethan. Olivia has always jumped to conclusions without listening to the facts. Running before she could get hurt worse than she already felt.
She returns to her side, her back to Blaze’s chest, unsure whether to cry or yell. She’s so damn angry with herself. How ironic given what she thought a moment ago. Running has been her MO. Her fear of betrayal has cost her so much.
“Ancient history, Liv,” Blaze whispers in her ear. He rubs the tension from her back. “I don’t blame you for any of it. I love you. Always have. Always will.”
This time she believes him. She reaches for his hand. “Thank you for staying.”
He buries his face in her hair. “I’m not going anywhere.”
“Good.” Her body molds into his. Blaze’s breaths deepen, but sleep taunts her like a prank from Lucas, staying just out of reach.
“Our parents slept together,” she whispers.
Blaze shivers. “Yeah, I know. Don’t go there.”
She quietly laughs.
Day 7
Olivia wanders into Blaze’s kitchen at half past five. Blaze is still in bed. He took the day off to stay with them. He’ll spend it making more calls. Josh is already sitting at the kitchen table with a glass of orange juice, surprising Olivia.
“What are you doing up?” she asks, filling the electric kettle with filtered water.
He peers at her with bloodshot eyes. “Can’t—” His mouth clamps shut. He doesn’t even try to act out what he wants to say.
“Can’t sleep?” she guesses, setting the kettle to boil. She’s noticed the more tired or anxious he is, the more his speech deteriorates. The urge to console him almost pushes her across the kitchen. But she doesn’t feel equipped. She can’t promise they’ll find Lily, not with her own hopes diminishing. She wishes she could tell him his speech would improve, but that would be a lie because she flat-out doesn’t know if it ever will.
Josh nods.
“Me either.” She gets a box of doughnut holes from Blaze’s pantry, one of many treats he keeps on the top shelf, and sits with Josh. She nudges the box. “They aren’t Krispy Kreme, but they taste good when you feel like crap.”
He smirks at her foul language and takes a doughnut, then another. Olivia pops one in her mouth just as the kettle clicks off at a full boil. She gets up from the table and pours the water over coffee grounds, relishing the toasted scent that doesn’t in the least bit make her feel any more awake than she already is.
“I thought she—” He moves his hand in a circular motion instead of finishing his sentence.
“You thought she’d be there? Me too.” A part of her had hoped Lily was home waiting for her son. But life is never that easy. And neither is finding Lily.
He sucks in a ragged breath and Olivia can’t do anything but watch as the past week finally catches up with him. A tear drops on the table, and he buries his face in his arms, his elbow knocking over the juice. The glass rolls off the table. Orange juice splatters on the floor, the chair legs, and cabinet doors. Olivia gasps. Josh lifts his head. Embarrassment shutters his eyes.
“It’s okay,” she reassures. A week ago she would have flipped about the mess. This morning, it’s impossible to be upset about anything. All of her worry centers on Josh. And she feels powerless since she hasn’t been able to give him what he wants: his mom.
“Josh, look at me.”
She rests a hand on his shoulder and he lifts his chin. She lowers to her heels so that she’s looking up at him. “We’re just getting started. We’ll find her.”
He nods, sniffling, and drags an arm under his nose.
“Why don’t you go back to bed? There isn’t anything you can do right now. I’ll clean up, and I’ll keep working on finding your mom. I’ll wake you if there’s any news,” she adds when he seems reluctant to move. “Watch your step.” She assists him over the glass, and he leaves the kitchen. A few seconds later she hears the bedroom door close.