But most of all, I skate for me.
Spending time with my family is nice, but my mind continually returns to Rhett. I replay the past week wondering if there are things I could have done differently to have changed the outcome.
They don’t ask why Rhett doesn’t come with us, but my sister notices I’m not my usual self.
“Do you still want to go out later? If you’re not up for it—”
“Of course.” I force some enthusiasm into my smile. “Rhett’s roommates are having people over and we can crash in his room.”
“Okay.” She squeals.
“But, no drinking. I promised mom and dad.”
Allison rolls her eyes. “I don’t drink. Beer is gross.”
It’s a chill night at the apartment. Some of the hockey team is over playing Xbox and the rest of us are sitting outside on the deck.
Allison is quiet, but the giant grin on her face hasn’t faltered since we walked in.
Maverick, who miraculously still has his shirt on, sits next to me and throws an arm over my shoulder.
“It’s weird, right? Rhett not being here.”
“Very,” I admit.
“He’ll be back. He has to come back.”
“I don’t know. There’s only a few weeks of school left.”
“Yeah, but you two are in love. He won’t be able to stay away for that long.”
I feel my face heat and I look down to my lap.
“You are in love, yeah?” Mav drops his arm. “Please tell me you didn’t drop kick the poor bastard’s heart on his way out the door.”
“No, of course not. It’s just… I haven’t told him that I love him.”
“Oh. Well, fuck.” He backtracks when I shoot him a panicked look. “I’m sure he knows how you feel.”
I want to kick myself. “I should have told him. Now I may never get a chance.”
“Cheer up. You’ll get your chance. I know it.” He stands. “Allie, you look like a ringer. Wanna be on my team for washers?”
My sister nods enthusiastically, not even bothering to correct the shortening of her name which she usually hates. “Sure.”
The next morning, I say goodbye to my family outside of my dorm.
“We’ll see you in a month for graduation,” my dad says, hugging me. “Try not to flunk out before then.”
“Funny.”
My mom always tears up when we say goodbye and this time is no different. “Love you, mom. I’ll talk to you soon.”
“I made up your old bedroom in case you want to stay with us after graduation while you get settled into the new job.”
“Thank you. I’ll think about it.” I’ve given such little thought to the job. I haven’t even looked at apartments. It doesn’t seem nearly as important as everything else going on.
“Thank you for letting me tag along last night,” Allison says when it’s finally her turn. “Will you give Maverick my number?”
“Definitely not.”
She smiles. “Bye, S.”
I’ve barely gotten back to my room and crawled into bed where I fully intend to spend the day feeling sorry for myself when there’s a knock at the door. My stupid, hopeful heart convinces me that it’s Rhett.
It’s another hockey player standing outside with coffee. “Mav?”
“Gooooood morning. Coffee?” He extends the cup in his left hand. “It’s decaf.”
“What are you doing here?”
“I thought about it all night and I decided we should do it.”
“Do what?”
“Make the big gesture.”
I take a sip of the coffee while I give my brain a chance to work through the puzzle that is Maverick. “What?”
“We’re going to drive to Minnesota and you’re going to make the big gesture.”
“That sounds…”
“Awesome,” he says as I say, “Like a terrible idea.”
“Come on. I live for this shit. The look on his face will be worth the two-day drive.”
“I can’t ask him to come back.”
“Then don’t, but you have to tell him how you feel.”
I can’t believe I’m considering it.
“Minnie-soda bound?” He asks, dancing in place.
33
Sienna
Road-tripping with Maverick is as fun as you’d imagine. He has the best playlists, at every gas stop he loads up on tons of candy and junk food, and he doesn’t let me get too in my head and convince myself that this was all a terrible idea and we should turn around.
Okay, he doesn’t stop that last thing from happening, but he does laugh and make me feel better when I voice all the really awful thoughts churning in my brain.
On the morning of our second day, I see a sign for South Dakota. “Do you think we could make a stop?”
“Yeah, we’re about three hours away from Rhett. You want to have brunch and talk about the epic way you’re going to confess your love?”
I stare at him unblinking. “No, but now I’m worried just saying the words is going to be really lame.”
He chuckles. “Where do you want to stop?”
“Elias is training nearby. I’ve never met him and we’re so close.” Also, I think I need a pep talk from my best friend because my stomach is in knots.
Maverick hands me his phone. “Punch in the address.”
“Thank you for doing this. All of it. Talking me into it and driving. Elias is going to lose his mind.”
“How’d you meet Elias?”
“YouTube.” I grin. “He was documenting his journey, living and skating with long QT. I stumbled onto it right after I was diagnosed and we exchanged some messages, that led to texts, which led to us talking every day, sometimes multiple times a day. He’s kind of my best friend.”
“Always strictly friends?” He studies me carefully.
“Always. You’ll understand when you meet him. He’s impossible not to like. Kind of like you.”
“Throwing me off with a compliment or is that sincere?” He shakes his head. “Doesn’t matter, I accept.”
When we get to the arena where Elias is training, I end up having to call him so we can get in. Auburn, South Dakota may be a small, nameless city, but the arena is big and grand and heavily monitored.
“What? How?” He stops six feet away and then rushes forward and crushes me in a hug. “You’re real.”
“That would have been some impressive catfishing.” We gawk at each other for a few minutes. His dark hair curls around his ears and his brown eyes are a shade lighter than they’d seemed through the phone. He’s tall, which I knew, and has that lanky but strong build of a typical male figure skater.
He’s the same in person, and any weirdness I felt at finally meeting him in person is quickly dissolved when I discover it’s just as easy to be with him in person as it is on the phone.
I angle my body to introduce the guy at my side. “This is Johnny Maverick.”