I’m done being angry.
23
Everly
I can’t tell if Cullen is taking this well or if he is bottling it all up again. We spend the day in the hotel, and I call into work to let them know I’ll be taking the week off. They want me to come in to make a statement about the attack, but I ask them for more time. They can wait until I get back. I text Thomas to assure him that I'm okay, but I don't call him. He doesn't need to get involved in this.
“What now?” Cullen asks.
I don’t know how to answer that question. There is too much attention around George Ayers’s highly unconventional pardon to make a story about Cullen’s biological mother, not unless we can pin him for murder. It’s too much for just us to handle on our own.
"At some point we have to go back to our regular lives. You deserve to go back to your normal life, Cullen."
"And just let him go?"
"What choice do we have?" I ask, touching his face. We're sitting on the bed, next to each other after having eaten the room service we ordered for lunch.
As he clutches my hand, he looks intensely into my eyes. "You know exactly what to do, Ev. Do what you do best. Do what you did eight years ago and uncover every filthy fucking secret about him."
Shifting toward him, my heart hammers in my chest. "You realize if I do that then we'll have to go through it all again. It will be that nightmare with the court case all over again."
"Yes, but this time," he says, kissing my knuckles. "We have each other."
I gaze into his eyes, tears brimming in mine, and I feel more sure than ever that whatever this is, it was meant to be. Leaning forward, I press my lips softly to his. He's come such a long way, and I hate to drag him back down that road, but he's right—we have each other now. And I won't leave him.
For the rest of the day, I do exactly what Cullen suggested. We compile everything we can, and it's not enough to convict him of murdering Sasha, but it's enough to open a case. Bringing him into the process with me feels cathartic for him. Uncovering her past, her family, and then of course, the truth about her death.
"I'll make a statement to the police," he says. "I'll tell them everything he told me yesterday. At the very least, he should pay for what he did to your house."
"Ugh, my house," I groan, resting my head in my hands. I've barely had any time to register my home being gone. I guess I need to get back to town to deal with that. We can't hide out in this hotel forever.
Over the next few hours, Cullen and I gather as much as we can, all of my research on Sasha, her morgue record and missing persons photo. Tomorrow, I’ll find my contacts at the FBI, and maybe Thomas can help me talk the Journal into letting me write the story.
It feels good, like we’re moving the right direction.
After we get our clean clothes back from the hotel's laundry service, we get dressed. "Let's get out of here for a little bit," he says, taking my hand. "Let's go to dinner. We never go out together, and we're far enough from home. I'm sure we'll be fine."
"You're in a ripped up jersey," I say with a laugh.
"Then, we'll go through a drive thru," he replies. I kiss him again, loving this new normal between us. It's the same as it was before but the pressure of the past is gone. He doesn't feel the need to hate me anymore.
"Okay, but we're not getting out of the car," I say against his lips.
"Deal."
We end up getting tacos and eating in the back of the car with the seats folded down and the trunk open. We're just outside some city park where people walk their dogs and kids play on the playground equipment. It's so completely normal, and I love it. For a few minutes we're able to forget everything about what's happened this weekend or what's about to come because like I told Cullen, life is about to be uprooted again. We'll be pulled into the public eye and who knows where our life will go from here.
"What if we have to go into witness protection?" he asks as he balls up his garbage and throws it into the bag. He's reclining on one side while his opposite hand softly skims my leg. Sitting cross-legged across from him, wearing his sweatshirts, I can only shrug to his question.
"Would you do that?" I ask.
"Only if I can stay with you."
"Cullen..."
"I'm serious. If we can't stay together, then I'll take the risk. Everly, I hated my life before you came along. I was miserable. But you gave me a home, a real home. I don't want to go back to what I had before that."
Biting my lip, I run my hands through his hair. It's growing out fast, the dark roots getting thicker, and I can’t decide if I want him to grow it out and go back to dark brown or dye it again so he remains the same. This is my version of Cullen. "And what if we can stay together?"
I'm nervous to ask. Cullen is too young to think about settling down, and I know he's made promises to me this weekend, but I still feel so selfish expecting him to see a future with me.
"Then...we stay together."
"What would that look like?" I ask, lying next to him.
"I'd like to go somewhere warmer. What about Florida or Arizona? We could get a house with a yard. Maybe even a dog?"
The boyish smile that stretches across his face sends warm waves straight into my heart. I don't think I've ever been happier than I am at this moment, talking about a perfect future with the one person I never thought I could see a future with.
"A dog?" I say with a laugh. "What kind of dog?"
"I've never had a dog," he replies. "I think something small at first, like a Jack Russell Terrier or a bulldog."
"You've been thinking about this, haven't you?" I can't hold back my smile as he talks. His hands are on my hip, and I bury myself closer to his body. The air is getting cooler, but I like using his body for warmth. The sun is going down, bathing the park in cool, hazy light.
"I have been thinking about it. I want a girl, and I'd call her Lucy."
I laugh. "Lucy? For a dog?"
"Yeah, I think it's a good name." He buries his face into my neck and kisses me, making my skin erupt in goosebumps.
"Well, either way, witness protection or not, I think we can get a dog named Lucy."
He looks down at me, his gaze searching mine. He looks like he wants to say something. I'm waiting as I stare back up at him, but just when I'm expecting him to say something, he looks away and clears his throat.
"We should get back. I need to be inside you and I don't think those kids over there need a show like that."
I force a smile. "Yeah, best not to get arrested today."
On the entire drive home, he holds my hand and I think about Cullen with a real, happy home. It's all worth it if he can have that. Another court case, reliving everything, for Cullen to finally be happy, I would do it all in a heartbeat.
24
Cullen
I almost let my guard down. I almost uttered the three words that I swore myself I'd never say to a girl. Why? Because that's huge. Saying you love someone is like letting them have the most vulnerable part of yourself. And I want Everly in my life and in my heart, but it's like there's a mental block keeping me from letting it go.