“Are you two…together?” she asked. Her voice careful, neutral.
“Yes,” Julian said.
A lie to maintain the fake relationship, but I still warmed at the word out of his mouth.
“Does she speak?” Her words were clipped.
“Ashleigh, leave it.”
Ashleigh held her hand up. “Just trying to figure out who you’d leave me for.”
He blew out a sharp breath. “I left you because you tried to ruin my business, Ashleigh. Jennifer has nothing to do with this.”
“Obviously.” Her eyes swept to me. “I see what’s happening here.”
“We’re done,” Julian said. “Come on, Jen.”
But I was rooted in place. Still frozen by her words, by the fear that whatever was going to come out of her mouth was the truth.
“You’re slumming it.”
“Ashleigh, enough,” he snarled.
The words hit like a punch to the gut. The same words my mom had insinuated. She hadn’t said that right out, but they’d held the same force. I wasn’t good enough for Julian Wright.
“She doesn’t even speak,” Ashleigh said with a smirk. “We both know that this isn’t what you want or deserve. A small, meek thing to agree with you. Where’s the Julian that I know, baby? She’ll never push you. She’ll never give you what you really need.”
“I said, enough,” he spat.
Julian jumped between us, breaking whatever spell she’d cast over me. I blinked awake, as if from a deep slumber, sucking in a breath. My heart pounded in my chest, loud as firecrackers in my ears.
I didn’t hear what Julian said to her. I didn’t want to know what words he’d use to defend me. Ashleigh had been right. As much as it hurt to admit it, I could see the truth when it hit me in the face.
What the hell was I doing?
And then I couldn’t stand there any longer.
I bolted for the back door. The back of Walkers was an open courtyard patio with benches and a small garden. I needed the fresh air. I needed something to clear all of this from my head. From the anxiety taking me over.
A part of me knew that was what this was. It was the anxiety that I usually managed so well. But I couldn’t calm down. I needed to pop a half-Xanax or something, but anyone could see me. Anyone would know. And I couldn’t let them know about the anxiety. Not when I’d been called crazy before because of it. Not with the stigma that clung to me like a second skin. Annie knowing was one thing, but Julian? Ashleigh? I shuddered.
No. I needed to get under control. I slammed my eyes shut once I was in the courtyard and regulated my breathing. Tried to do the meditations that I’d been practicing. Eventually, my heart rate came down, and the unceasing panic released me from its clutches.
By then, a hand gently touched my arm.
“Jen?” Julian said tentatively.
“Hey,” I whispered.
“I am…so sorry.”
“For what?” I pushed my hair back off of my face and met his concerned, wide-eyed gaze. “You didn’t do anything.”
“It’s still my fault. And for everything.”
I huffed, “It’s fine.”
“Stop saying that,” he said with more force than I’d expected from him.
“Sorry.”
He sighed. “You don’t have to apologize, and you don’t have to say you’re fine. Why the hell would you be fine after Ashleigh said all those horrible things to you?” He slid his hand down my arm. “All untrue things, mind you.”
I snorted. “Sure.”
“I’m serious.”
“I just…froze,” I muttered. My bottom lip trembled. “Why can’t I tell her off and come out ahead? Why do I have to be…me?”
“Who you are is perfect, Jen,” he said as if he believed those words. “And you shouldn’t have even had to react. I should have gotten us away from Ashleigh before she could even start. No one deserves to be spit on.”
“Thanks.”
“I mean it.”
“I know. It’s sweet,” I confessed.
He smiled down at me at that. That charming Wright smile that made my knees weak. As if I would give anything to this man. Anything at all.
His hand came up then and brushed a stray strand of hair out of my face, tucking it behind my ear. He lingered there, softly trailing his fingers down my neck. As if he were waiting for the moment when I’d jerk away. As if he could think that was what I wanted.
His eyes flicked down to my lips and back up to my hazel eyes. A question written in them. We hovered in that space, holding a breath as I drowned in his attention. I wanted to lean forward and kiss him, to take what I wanted. But I could no more do that than stand up for myself like I should have just now. Not unless I was drunk, apparently.
My heart was racing again—not from fear, but from anticipation. I wanted this. Even though everything that my mom and Ashleigh had said was true. I was sure it was all going to go down in flames. That he was going to wake up and see who I really was, that I wasn’t good enough for him. Still, I wanted those lips on mine. I wanted to feel him again.
“Jen,” he whispered. He leaned forward so that our breaths mingled. Then he repeated the words that had started this whole thing. And he said them with a smirk on his perfect face. “Forgive me.”
His lips descended on mine. The barest brush against mine. A wave of heat flashed through my body. Everything crawled to a halt.
Then a head popped out of the back door. “Hey, y’all okay?”
We broke apart so quickly that I stumbled back against the brick wall. My face turned bright red.
Annie chuckled, holding her hands up. “Uh, sorry. Didn’t mean to interrupt.”
“You’re fine,” Julian said calmly with a laugh.
“I saw Ashleigh and wasn’t sure what happened. But I’ll just…”
Ashleigh. Right. Her name dropped water over my head. I’d been freaking the fuck out. How had Julian managed to soothe that sinking ship so fast?
Annie winked at me and then scurried back inside. Julian and I both started laughing as soon as she was gone.
“Caught red-handed,” he said, running a hand back through his hair.
“I guess so.”
“Are you ready to go back in?”
“Is Ashleigh still in there?”
He shook his head. “I made her and her minions leave.”
“Minions,” I said with a laugh.
“No, seriously. They follow her around like dogs.”
“That’s kind of sad.”
He nodded. “Yeah. Well, anyway, they left. That’s what I really came out to tell you.”
“Oh. Well, good.”
I waited for him to offer to pick up where we’d left off, but he didn’t. He’d been caught up in it, too. That we’d gotten lost in the moment. Now, the moment was gone.
But it was the first time I thought that maybe it wasn’t gone forever.
20
Jennifer
The doorbell rang, and I jumped, racing across my new place to answer the door. “I got it!”
Piper laughed from the couch. “All yours. Julian, I presume?”