His question cuts deep because I remember when I was his age, all I wanted to do was please my mother as well.
“Aye, go play now. Mummy needs to talk to Puck.”
I attempt a smile, and in return, I get a scowl. I don’t blame him. I would be scowling at the man who was making my mum upset too.
Shay runs off, looking over his shoulder a few times to make sure Aoife is all right. Once he’s playing happily on the slide, Aoife reveals why she wanted to meet.
“When yer test comes back, provin’ Shay is yers, what are we goin’ to do?” There is no if in the equation as she gives me the swab and hair sample. “I want ye to be a part of his life. But promise me ye won’t do somethin’ like ask for full custody.”
“I can ya promise ya that,” I affirm, putting the samples into my backpack. “I would never take a chile away from his ma.”
“Thank you.” She sniffs back her tears. “What about livin’ arrangements? I mean, the castle is big. Maybe—”
“If yer suggestin’ movin’ in, then best ye get that idea out of yer head. That’s not happenin’. Ever. I will look after you and Shay, but we will never be together as a family how you want us to be.”
“I know you felt somethin’ for me,” she stubbornly argues, refusing to let this fantasy go.
“Aoife, for fuck’s sake,” I say, exhaling in frustration. “We’ve been over this. I love Cami. And that won’t change.”
“But why won’t you try? In prison, the way ye touched me. I—”
I burst her bubble awful quick. “Everythin’ looks appetizing to a starvin’ man. That’s all it was. I fucked you. And you liked it. You fucked me. And I liked it. It was just sex.”
She slaps my cheek. “How dare you! Shay was born out of more than just sex.”
“Aye, from somethin’ awful, somethin’ amazin’ was born, and I’m prepared to do whatever it takes to look after my responsibilities. But that’s what it was to me, Aoife. There was nothin’ more to it. I’m sorry if ye thought different.”
But my apology means nothing to her.
She comes to an abrupt stand. “I can’t believe how stupid I’ve been. Yer dad has been kinder to me than you have. Tell me why I should believe you when all y’ve done is make me feel worthless? Maybe yer the one I should be watchin’ out for and not Sean? Maybe I’ll tell him what I know and then decide who’s tellin’ me the truth?”
“Choose yer words wisely,” I warn, removing my sunglasses so she can see how serious I am. “I don’t take to threats too kindly.”
“Threats?” she mocks, folding her arms. “If I were to threaten ye, I would give you an ultimatum—me or Cami. If you choose her, then I will tell Sean she’s not where she should be. That’s a threat.”
Before she can gloat in her smugness, I stand and grip her arm, subtly drawing her into me so our faces are inches apart. “You do that, and I promise ye, y’ll never see Shay again.”
“And ye said ye’d never take a wain away from his ma,” she snarls, attempting to break free. But she’s not going anywhere.
“I wouldn’t,” I affirm, “but Sean would. Once you tell him what ye know, once y’ve served yer purpose, he’d have ye killed and take Shay. That’s it. There’s no doubt about it. So, go ahead, tell Sean. I dare you.”
I call her bluff because I won’t be blackmailed. Not again.
“Maybe I will.” But she’s full of shite.
“Are ye so desperate for me to fuck ye again? Is that it? Ye’d settle for forced affection than somethin’ that is real?”
Tears sting her blue eyes because I know how to hurt her. She believes in fairy tales. I do not.
“Take Shay home. We’re done here.” And only then do I let her go.
I need to leave before I do something I regret.
Quickly turning, I walk toward where Shay is playing. When I approach him, he shields the sun from his eyes as he peers up at me.
“Look after yer ma.”
He nods, not asking questions why. I think he’s glad to see me go.
Once I get into my truck, I don’t drive away. I simply sit, staring out the windscreen. Aoife is now a problem; one I don’t know what to do about. Everything is riding on her keeping our secret. If she tells Sean the truth…
“Fuck!” I curse, slamming my hands against the steering wheel, needing to hit something before I explode.
My hands tremble as I reach for my phone and send a text to Austin.
I need eyes on Aoife. She can’t be trusted.
He replies a moment later.
On it. Is she going to be a problem?
I hate that I don’t know the answer to that. So, I respond as honestly as I can.
I don’t know.
Aoife has just put a target on her head. Just another victim in this endless war.
I’ve tried not to think about it because Aoife will always be a part of Punky’s life, but I can’t shift this heaviness in my chest. It’s only been a few hours since he dropped me off, but it feels much longer than that.
I know it’s because a small part of me continues whispering doubts into my ear; that Aoife and Punky will always share something I won’t. They have a child together, an amazing child, and no matter what happens in the future for Punky and me, Shay will always be Punky’s firstborn son.
I’ve tried to keep busy. I walked to a local store to buy some necessities as I only have the clothes on my back. I don’t know how long I’m staying, so I bought the essentials. I’d hoped dressing up and applying some makeup would help me feel remotely better.
I no longer look like the living dead, but I still feel like shit.
The meeting with Alek, who oozed confidence and charisma, made me feel somewhat calmer because this time, I know we can win. But I don’t think Punky will be able to give all of this up. He says that he will, and I love him even more for it. But walking away from this won’t be easy.
This country, this life—it’s a part of him and I accept that. I don’t want him to give something up because he thinks it’s the right thing for others. I wouldn’t want him to expect that of me. But the deal is done. I believe Alek will kill him if Punky goes back on his word.
“You look lovely.”
When his warm arms and words wrap around me, every insecurity I feel melts away. I lean into him, relishing in his touch as I didn’t hear him enter.
“Thank you. How’d it go?”
Punky kisses my temple as he hugs me tighter. “I don’t want to talk about that right now.”
Panic overcomes me, and before I can ask why, his hungry whisper into my ear silences my worries.
“Close yer eyes.”
I do as he says because, honestly, I want to shut out the light for a little while.
He is at my back and guides me out of the room. I don’t open my eyes and trust him as he holds on tightly to walk me down the stairs. Curiosity gets the better of me when he takes a left to lead me into the gardens out back.
Even though I’m blinded, I know this place like the back of my hand. “Where are we going?”