I waited until she climbed into the cart next to me and turned my focus on her. “Well, I’m really glad you came, Kenny. You’ve made this week more than bearable. Without your company, my days would’ve been just like they always are—wake up, go to work, come home, go to bed…rinse and repeat.”
A short, huffed laugh escaped her as she glanced down to her lap. If I had to guess, fiery flames cloaked her neck and settled into her cheeks. I was learning to notice those moments without having to see them.
“I don’t know what in the world I’ve done, but I’m really glad I came, too.”
I started the cart and headed down the trail to Kenny’s cabin. It was a quiet ride, but a calm one. No anxiety. No sadness. Just peacefulness. She held my hand in her lap the entire way, and when we stopped outside her place, I refused to let hers go. There was something I needed to address…and maybe I was trying to steal a few more minutes with her before going back to absolute solitude at my house.
“Do you want me to take you to the pharmacy tomorrow to get the morning after pill?”
Kenny tilted her head to the side, a genuine softness overtaking her features. “If that would make you feel better, sure. But I don’t feel it’s needed. Like I said earlier, I’m on birth control, so I’m not concerned about it.”
“Really? Because you looked pretty worried in the shower.”
She rolled her eyes, a reaction I was sure she didn’t intend for me to see, considering she immediately dropped her chin and stared at the space on the seat between us. “There are other things to worry about. In my mind, getting pregnant isn’t the worst possible outcome.”
The weight that had been on my chest immediately lifted. “If that’s what you’re freaking out about, then stop. I’m clean.” But suddenly, the weight returned. Heavier than before. “What about you?”
Kenny jerked her head up so fast that I worried she’d caused damage to her neck. The lines between her brows deepened, creating shadows along her forehead. “Me? Oh, no…I don’t have anything, either. I’m clean.”
Something felt off, but I couldn’t put my finger on it. “So your only concern was getting something from me?”
“Well, yeah.” She shrugged, and I swear, the glow of a halo circled the top of her head. “I mean, we don’t know each other that well, so I have no way of knowing how often you do this sort of thing. And the last thing I wanted to do was make an assumption—either way.”
“I get it. And if it makes you feel any better, that was the first time anything like this has ever happened. All around…like, the first time I’ve ever slept with a guest, as well as the first time not using protection. And if that isn’t enough, then rest assured that I’ve only been with one other person, and when I learned that she had cheated on me, I immediately got tested. I haven’t been with anyone since, so I am absolutely positive that I’m clean.”
She was quiet for a second, her lips twitching as if desperately wanting to pull to the side while she contemplated whatever she wanted to say. But it wasn’t a very long thought, because she met my stare with confidence shining brightly in her eyes. “If you always wore a condom, then why would you need to get tested?”
“I didn’t need to; I wanted to for my own peace of mind.” I didn’t wait for her to ask another question before I asked one of my own. “How can you be so sure that you’re clean?”
I worried that she would be offended by my forwardness, take it as an accusation more than the return of her question. Even though it might’ve sounded judgmental, that wasn’t at all how I meant it, so I was relieved the see the calmness cross her face.
With an almost-smile on her lips, she said, “Because I’ve only had sex twice.”
“You mean with two people?”
The corners of her lips curled even more, and thanks to the light on the front of her cabin, I was able to see the crimson tide rise from her neck. “No, Drew. The first time we had sex was also the first time I had sex. Therefore, the shower was my second time…ever.”
There was no way. My brain refused to accept her claim, yet I didn’t want to accuse her of lying, so I had to tread lightly. “I understand that I don’t have a lot of experience, but my ex was also a virgin when we first had sex, and there were certain signs that made it obvious that she hadn’t been with anyone else.”
She lifted one shoulder, held it there a moment, and then dropped it with complete nonchalance. “I said I’ve only had sex twice, but that doesn’t mean yours was the first penis that’s ever been inside me.”
My mouth opened and closed as I scrambled to find a response that didn’t consist of the F-bomb in any fashion. “I’m sorry, but…what? How the hell does that make sense?”
“Let’s just say I have a few boyfriends…” She leaned closer and looked me in the eyes. “Of the silicone variety.” Laughter consumed her words while I struggled to follow along with her explanation. “But you don’t have anything to worry about or be jealous of; they have rather dull personalities, and you’re a way better conversationalist.”
It took a few seconds, but it finally clicked. “Wait a minute. Hold on. Back that train up a bit. Are you saying you took your own virginity?” I was aware that it technically could be done, but I had never heard of anyone actually doing it.
She turned her face away from the porch light, and if I had to guess why, it would be to keep me from watching her embarrassment color her cheeks. “Virgins have hormones, too. And when someone wants to know what it’s like, and wants to experience something that feels good, I don’t think it’s a bad thing if they take matters into their own hands.”
“No pun intended?” I asked, lightening the mood.
Not only did she laugh along, but she also brought her attention back to me. “You probably think that’s weird, or that I’m weird, but—”
“No. I don’t think that at all. I’m more surprised than anything.” I felt like every word I used was wrong. I couldn’t seem to convey what I actually meant, so I shook my head and released a long exhale, hoping that would clear my mind enough to speak properly. “I’ve just never really known anyone who’s actually done that. It’s impressive.”
Her smile widened. “It’s really not if you knew the whole story.”
“Then why don’t you tell me?”
Kenny glanced at her cabin for a second. “How about I tell you tomorrow?”
That wasn’t what I wanted to hear, but at least it was a guarantee that I would see her again. “Yeah, it is getting late, and you still have to call your mom.”
“That’s not why, Drew.” Her voice softened and made me want to wrap myself in it, as if it were a fleece blanket. “We’ve had a pretty special day, and I don’t want to risk losing that by talking about it.”
My stomach instantly began to twist. “Is it a bad story? Did something bad happen?”
“No, no. Nothing like that. It’s just about other people and motivations and whatnot, and I would like to keep past boyfriends or experiences out of the memory of our day.”