“Same,” we all say, only none of us laugh. There is nothing funny about waiting for your friend, your loved one, to wake up after she was attacked. A shudder consumes me from the pit of my stomach on up. Now I know how my family felt after Harrison took me in New York.
I was never stabbed or shot, but Harrison did a real number on my body. He tied me to a bed, stripped me down naked on a disgusting mattress, and violated me as many times and as many ways as he could. Then as the police were closing in, he pistol-whipped my head right before he shot himself. I watched him do it just before I blacked out.
I thought he was going to kill me.
For twenty-four of the worst hours of my life, I kept waiting.
That’s what he promised he was going to do, but in the end, I don’t think he had that in him.
A sickly jolt of nervous energy bursts through me and I shoot out of my chair, heading for the hall, needing to maneuver through my thoughts. My skin is clammy, my stomach rolling, and just like that, my vision sways, roving to darkness before coming back.
I suck in a deep breath, but it’s not helping. Nothing is. I have to move so I can breathe because suddenly it’s like I can’t. What the hell is happening? Why am I having a panic attack now and after all this time?
“Where are you going?” Halle asks, only her voice sounds distant, tinny.
“Just down the hall and back. I need to move before I fall asleep.” That’s only partially true, but this is not the time to go into the thoughts plaguing me. It’s funny, I thought I was okay until Brecken asked. His question seems to have triggered something.
I want to go back and check on Margot. Sit with her until she wakes up, so I know for a fact she’s okay. That what happened to her doesn’t stay with her the way this has stayed with me. I’ve fought so hard. I thought I was over it.
Why now?
I want to call my parents and my brothers and tell them I love them. That even though they’re all beyond overbearing, I know it’s because they love me and want me to be safe. It was a very long twenty-four hours when they couldn’t find me, all the while knowing I was in the hands of a man who had gone over the edge.
The edge.
Isn’t that what I was saying to Margot in the OR?
The aftereffects of trauma comes in cycles and suddenly, after nearly watching Margot die on that table at the hands of someone who tried to kill her, I’m all over the place.
“Hey,” a voice says, catching my arm and spinning me around. Brecken’s hand finds my face, holding me still and pinning my eyes to his. “You’re okay. Just take a breath.”
I blink at him, attempting to do as he says.
“That’s it. A little slower.” He smiles, his eyes dancing along the lines of my face. “Perfect.”
I push him off, turning away, only he doesn’t let go of my arm. Instead, he hauls me backward into him, his chest to my back, his mouth by my ear.
“It’s okay to feel like this.”
“No, it’s not.”
It makes me weak. Six years later, and I have a panic attack like this when we’re supposed to be focusing on Margot.
“Rina, the moment I heard what happened, I was worried how you’d react. And for the longest time, amidst the trauma, that’s all you focused on. You went right into that OR and helped save your friend’s life. You thought of nothing and no one but her. Now you’re tired and emotional and what happened to her is drawing some scary parallels with what happened to you. With what could have happened to you. It’s absolutely normal to react the way you’re reacting. In fact, I think I’d be more worried about you if you hadn’t.”
“So you’re a shrink now?”
I feel him smile against my skin. “There’s my girl. Nothing holds you back for long, does it? Have I told you how sexy that is? I think it was the fire in your eyes and the no-bullshit from your mouth that had me all twisted up the first time I met you. It’s also what’s held me ever since.”
“What are you doing out here, Brecken?”
“Haven’t you figured it out yet, Angel?” He kisses my neck, just below my ear. My favorite spot. “Wherever you are is where I want to be.”
My eyes close, tears instantly coating my lashes, threatening to fall. Threatening to undo me for good. I watched Drew fall apart, thinking he had lost Margot. He hasn’t slept. He hasn’t eaten. He’s kept a vigil over her, loving her endlessly.
And I want that.
I want everything all of my friends have. I think I could. Maybe. I think Brecken could be that one for me. I think I could be that one for him.
Twisting in his arms, I tuck my face into his chest, wrapping my arms around him. And for the first time since I got the call about Margot, I feel like I can take a breath.
“I’ve missed you,” I whisper into him.
His face drops into the crook of my neck. “I’ve missed you more.”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t do anything right with you. I should have had more faith. I should have trusted you. I should have stood by you. I should have never let you go.”
“I understand why you did it. But I don’t care anymore, Rina. Drew nearly lost Margot last night. Losing you is no longer an option for me.”
“What about Aria?”
“Like I said, she’ll have to adapt. I’m not letting you go again. No matter what else comes our way.”
33
Brecken
All day long my phone has been blowing up. An endless stream of calls and texts that I can’t do anything about. That is until sometime in early afternoon as I’m finally dozing on the world’s most uncomfortable sofa, dread still sitting heavy on my chest, Drew comes in announcing Margot’s awake. That she’s herself, already making inappropriate jokes. If relief and love had a child, it would be Drew’s face right now. I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone look the way he does in this moment.
The girls get up and immediately go to her. They’ve been separated from their friend for longer than they want already and with Drew running home for a quick shower and change of clothes, they’re on Margot-watch duty.
I give Drew a hug and then I head out myself.
Right now, I don’t have a choice even if I want to stay. Even if I want to tell Aria that Rina is mine and I take care of what’s mine. Even if I want to take Rina home with me, give her a bath, and make her dinner.
That will all have to wait.
I’ve been getting texts from Rich. And other people as well. Why is it when one thing goes to hell everything has to follow? I’ll never understand, but that’s what’s happening now. So even though there was no way I was leaving while Margot still hadn’t woken up, now I don’t have a choice.
I don’t even bother changing my clothes even though I’m an absolute mess. Wrinkled shirt and slacks, disheveled hair, face full of thick stubble. Doesn’t matter.
It’s too late now.
The moment I step onto the floor of my office building, Luccia is there, her eyes wide and fearful. “Brecken. I am so sorry about your friend. I hope she is okay now.”
“She’s awake, thanks.”
“Good. That is good. Thank god you are here now though. There are agents in your office. They are from the SEC and they are going through your computer. There have been rumors going around all day. Rumors you’re going to jail. That they’re here to arrest you for insider trading. That the FBI is in the building and have been waiting on you. That Alexander is flying in to fire you.”