Okay. Maybe there are two reasons he’d get a call from an ex. I did not see that coming.
I purse my lips as I take a slow inhale through my nose, letting those two words wash over me.
“I take it, the baby is yours?”
He nods. “I would never question a woman who says the baby she’s carrying is mine.”
“Oh no, I didn’t mean it like that. I just … I don’t know. I guess it’s just the normal question people ask.” I let out a nervous laugh and run my hand along my head, feeling like an insensitive jerk. “How far along is she?”
“Fifteen weeks.”
“And she’s just telling you now?” My tone is anything but coy or non-accusatory. Fifteen weeks is a hell of a long time to hang on to a bomb of information like that.
He nods with a grimace. If he’s upset at her for keeping the news from him for this long, he’s not letting on. “She wasn’t sure if she wanted to keep it.”
“I hope, at this point, she’s keeping it.”
He nods again, and my stomach drops.
I finally meet the man of my dreams, and he’s having a baby with another woman.
There’s a rapid uptick in my heart, and my hands get clammy. I’m nervous, and I’m not sure why. I think it’s because I’m unsure of my own feelings in this very moment, and I don’t know how to process them.
A baby.
With his ex-girlfriend.
Sebastian is going to be a father.
I twist my lips to the side, biting on the inside as I will myself not to show how upset, albeit confused, I feel.
He backs up to the wall and lets his weight crash against it. His head rolls back as he looks up at the ceiling.
“She’s scared,” he says. “Anxious. She didn’t know if she wanted to be a mom on her own. She’s a career woman. Bright, intelligent, and climbing the corporate ladder. She’s also the type who has a plan. Marriage was part of it. She called this afternoon and asked me to come by. She wanted to know what I thought she should do.” He lowers his head and grins. “I told her I want the baby. I can’t let her terminate my child or raise it without my full support. I promised that I would be there for her every step of the way. Monetarily, physically, emotionally. I’m all in.”
All in.
I swallow hard, trying not to let the tears that are building behind my eyes fall. “Does this mean …” I start to ask but am unsure exactly what I’m asking.
He steps closer to me and holds out his hands, and then he drops them in surrender. “It means, I spent the entire day walking around Philadelphia, feeling a mixture of anger, excitement, confusion, and elation. And I came to the realization that I’m happy. It might not be what I expected, but life doesn’t go as planned.”
“That’s good.” I give him a shaky smile. I feel like a fool for wanting to ask, but I do it anyway. “Do you want to be with her?”
He sighs. “No, I don’t, and I feel like an asshole, saying that.”
“You’re not an asshole for being honest. Is she the girl you told me about at the bar? Who you dated for six months but she wanted to see other people?”
“She is. We went our separate ways. It wasn’t like some big blowup or anything. There just wasn’t that spark.”
I look into his eyes, and I see that spark he’s talking about. That’s what we have. It’s bright and powerful. Magnetic even. But sparks fade if there’s nothing there to burn.
“So, what are you going to do?” I ask.
“I’m gonna be there for Lauren,” he says without skipping a beat.
I have to respect him for that. No matter how much I wish this weren’t the case, it is.
“She’s having my baby, and I’m going to be there for my child.”
Lauren. The ex has a name. It’s a pretty name. A pretty name for a girl who is having who I hoped was my boyfriend’s baby.
A baby.
Wow, I can say the word in my head over and over, and it just feels surreal. If Lauren waited this long to tell him, she must have been distraught over the decision. I’m sure it didn’t come lightly and that she had many sleepless nights filled with anxiety. I don’t envy her for the decision she had to make, but I respect her for the willingness to be a single mother. She’s going to need all the support she can get. And the best support would be from the father of her child.
“What does this mean for us?” I ask, not sure if I want to hear the answer.
He sighs. “That’s up to you. Amy, I want you to know a huge part of my day included thinking about you. What we have and where it’s going. I’m trying to figure out how to make sense of it all. How I can explore this thing between us and be a father.” He pauses and blinks a few times as he straightens his back and smiles a full-dimpled grin. “Holy shit, I’m going to be a father.”
This tiny burst of energy comes out of him with that revelation. It’s sweet even though it makes my heart sink a little.
That smile softens as he looks at me in earnest. “I don’t want to lose you. I really want to see where this goes, but I understand that this is a lot of baggage. When we met, I didn’t realize I’d be a package deal.”
I almost want to laugh. His honesty is so forthcoming. My dear, wonderful, loyal Sebastian is laying his cards out on the table. He’s going to be a father with another woman, and if I want to keep this relationship going with him, then I have to accept it.
I haven’t even slept with the man. I don’t know his favorite color or how he likes his eggs in the morning, but I have to make a decision right now if I want to be part of his new little family.
It’s endearing and crazy, all at the same time. He’s doing the right thing, and damn if that isn’t sexy. But there’s a woman who needs him right now. A woman who is carrying his child. If I didn’t text him that day, he’d probably still be with her tonight, consoling her, helping her … maybe even seeing if he could love her at some point.
I search around the room, wondering how my night went from so high to so low in a matter of seconds.
“This is a lot to take in,” I finally say. My mouth feels like cotton.
“I completely understand.” He holds up his hands, like he’s not trying to push.
I walk back to the kitchen and glance at the soup that I was so looking forward to, but I’ve totally lost my appetite now.
“Maybe I should go,” I say as I grab my bag that I brought everything in.
“You don’t have to.”
He reaches for me, but I step back. Not because I don’t want Sebastian to touch me—I do—but if I let him, I’ll just lose myself in him, his scent, his kisses.
“No. I should.” My words are abrupt.
His eyes widen in surprise by my dismissal. My intention was not to come off that way.
I lower my shoulders and take a deep breath, staring up into his soulful eyes. “Sebastian, I’m happy for you. You’re going to be a father, and that is probably the coolest thing in the world. This is just a shock to me, and that’s a problem because this isn’t my story. It’s yours and Lauren’s, and you don’t need me to crowd up the emotional pool I’m sure you’re swimming in right now.”