He looks back to my mouth, but I pull away, moving away from him, giving us much-needed space.
The song has now changed to a dance tune, and the people around us are moving in rapid beats while Sebastian and I stand here, staring at one another.
I take two more steps back and knock into someone. With an apology, I excuse myself from the dance floor and start to walk back to the tasting table.
Sebastian grabs my hand. I turn back to him but shake my head.
“I’m sorry. I got carried away,” I start, but he stops me.
“Why did you just walk away like that?” he asks, dumbfounded.
Normally, I’d say it was nothing and leave. But there’s something about his perplexed expression that has me saying, “You were about to kiss me, Sebastian. But you halted like there was something else that was more important for you to think about. Call me old-fashioned, but when a man is about to kiss me, I want to be the only thing on his mind.” He goes to speak, but I halt him with my hands and my words. “Please, don’t try to explain. You were right when you said we felt like unfinished business. But it ended. You have a beautiful life you need to focus on. Perhaps tonight was what we both needed to put this thing between us to bed. Figuratively, of course. Not literally.”
“Amy, I—”
“Please. People are already staring, and I’d like to leave here with a reputation of being an exceptional artisanal chocolatier. Not a woman who got into it with the boss at the company party.”
My words have him standing taller with a slight nod of his head, showing he understands my need for decorum. I take the opportunity to walk back to the table and stand with Shawn. He starts to speak, but I just give him my downturned eyes and silently ask him not to give his advice. I just want to work and move on.
As much as I secretly hoped there could be a world where Sebastian and I could coexist, it turns out, my heart is just not strong enough to be around the one thing in this world I want but cannot have.
Chapter Fifteen
It’s been a long night. Shawn and I package up the remaining chocolate and pack everything into my car. I drop him off at his place, adamant that I can unload on my own. I need something to do to keep myself from overthinking about my night.
I bring the supplies inside myself and then take Lady Featherington for a long walk. When I return, I put everything away.
Now, it’s just me and Lady Featherington lying on my bed and watching Bridgerton on Netflix. I might or might not have a tray of truffles next to me that I’m devouring at an unhealthy pace.
A ring at the alleyway door surprises me and has me checking my watch to see the time. When I look at my phone, I see Sebastian standing in my alley with his hands in his pockets as he rocks on his heels.
I rise from the futon and walk to the door, not caring that I’m wearing yoga pants and an oversize sweatshirt. My face is clean of makeup, and my hair is in a long braid. It’s unsexy and plain, most definitely not a look I’d go for when seeing a man.
If he decides to show up, unannounced, then my dowdy appearance is what it is.
I open the door to see he’s still wearing his suit from earlier, tie and all. His hair has been raked through, and his cheeks are flush.
If he thinks I look a mess, he doesn’t say anything. Instead, he’s staring at me like I’m a mirage in the desert.
“What are you doing here?” I cross my arms, not because I’m upset to see him, but because I just realized I’m not wearing a bra and the cold air might have an unwelcome effect in this exact moment.
“I came to say all the things I should have said earlier, but I didn’t want to make a scene.”
I let out an exasperated breath. “You don’t have to apologize.”
“I’m not here for forgiveness. I’m here to explain.” His tone is louder, more fervent than I’ve heard from him before. He runs his hand through his hair and behind his neck, letting out a long, deep breath. “Can I come in?”
With my eyes closed, I briefly consider not allowing him in, but my manners get the best of me when I open them and see the clear distress in his face.
I nod for him to come inside as I step back. He walks through the threshold, and I close the door behind him.
The room is dark. There’s no music or sweet smell of confections, like the last time he was here.
It’s just me and Sebastian.
It’s silent, except for the sound of my heart.
His back is to me with his head straight ahead, staring at my painting. Its vibrant colors are subdued by the vintage-book page canvas it was created on. It’s of a woman’s face. Her bright green eyes bleed tears of the same color. Her lips are parted with words to say. She’s a dreamer, a woman yearning as she looks forward for her desires.
I feel very much like her right now as I watch Sebastian’s back rise and fall. His hands clench to the sides and release when he spins to me.
“You were right,” he starts. “I wanted to kiss you tonight, but I hesitated.”
His confession leaves me leaning to the side as I grip the counter. I let the cool metal surface ground me in reality, for fear his words will levitate and destroy me.
“I hesitated because I don’t know if you want me as much as I want you. I’m crazy about you, Amy. Beyond crazy. I’m falling for you hard, and I can’t seem to get up.”
My entire chest ignites as my hopes lift. Tingles rise up and down my arms, and I have to catch my breath to keep up with the feelings inside my body.
“You can’t say that. You’re having a baby with another woman.”
“I already love that child more than anything in this world, and he’s not even here yet.” He takes a step forward, his hands out in offering. “But I’m not in love with her. Our time ran out already, and this is a blessing that came out of a relationship that had run its course.” He takes another step closer, his body just a whisper away. His voice just as low. “I know I come with baggage. This is more than any man should ask of a woman, but, Amy”—he grips my hands and holds them close to his heart—“if you’ll give us a try, I swear I’ll be the best man you’ll ever know. I want to worship you, provide for you, protect you.”
“I won’t be responsible for breaking up a family if there’s a chance you’ll be together.” My heart clenches at having to turn him away again.
“There’s not a chance. She and I have had this conversation, and neither of us wants to be together. We want to co-parent. That’s it. She knows I want you, and she wants us to work as much as I do. Did you hear me? I’m falling in love with you. So hard and so fast. I can’t eat or sleep without you on my mind. A fool of a man would let you walk away without fighting like hell to give love another shot. I should have said this a long time ago instead of letting you walk out my door. I had numerous chances, but I hoped you’d come back to me on your own. You haven’t, so this is me, fighting like hell for you.”
A rogue tear falls from my eye. I didn’t even know I wanted to cry, but his words are everything I’ve ever wanted to hear. He’s vowing to worship, provide, and protect. They’re such wonderful promises that have me shaking from his emotion.