Bee nodded sagely, crossing her arms and pursing her lips together. “Emma said that they were out doin’ stupid shit because they were sad.” Her eyes narrowed suspiciously on me. “Are you gonna do stupid shit too?”
Bria snorted, and I couldn’t stop laughing. Crouching over to catch my breath, I fought to control the tears that threatened to escape my eyes, but I didn’t know if they were from laughing so hard at Bee’s face or at the painfully obvious mention of Kevin.
“Bee.” Bria got control of herself before I could. “You can’t curse.”
“I wasn’t.” Bee’s eyes grew round, and I could see the confusion on her face even through my tears. “I was quoting Emma. That’s not a curse.”
“Bianca,” Audrey said from the now-open door to her office. “Are you ready?”
“Dr. Martin,” Bee huffed. “How many times do I have to say my name is Bee?” She shot both Bria and me a droll look before marching into Audrey’s office the same way that she’d come into the waiting room.
“That girl,” Bria said once the door was shut. “Is going to be an unstoppable force.”
“Going to be?” With a small shake of my head, I sat back down at my desk and fiddled with the pen that sat there. “She’s already got the balls to take on an entire fire team of Marines and walk away unscathed. I’ve seen her in action.”
When Bria didn’t have anything to say to that, I thought it would get awkward. That she’d slipped into a memory of Kevin and wanted to say something I wasn’t prepared for. Instead, I looked up from the paperwork on my desk to see her staring at something on her phone.
“I wasn’t going to show you this,” she said quietly. “But honestly, I think it’s just too good to pass up. Before I do, though, I need you to know this isn’t an attempt to make you feel bad or anything like that. You’re family, and I think you should have every opportunity to mock those buffoons. Just like I do.”
My heart kicked up a beat.
She was trying to talk about Kevin’s death.
While I struggled not to lose it and start crying, Bria held out her phone so I could see what she had on it.
“Holy shit. They did it.”
There, in vibrant color, were Ian and the rest of Kevin’s first unit. All dressed like idiots, standing with Kevin’s grave.
After a second, I managed to close my mouth from the shock of seeing them wearing ridiculous outfits. And I pushed aside the stinging ache that hit when I saw Ian’s hand gripping the top of Kevin’s tombstone. “Is Linc wearing a Barney costume?” I cleared my throat when I croaked on the words.
“Yeah.” Bria snorted in laughter. “And Ian’s a unicorn. I drove all the way to Portland to pick that up for him. You know, the day of…”
Cutting her off, I sniffled and handed her back her phone. “I know.” I glanced at the device in her hand. “Will you, um, send me that? I should hang that on his wall.”
Bria knew about Kevin’s wall of photos in the kitchen. It started before our parents died, as a way of all of us connecting and sharing what was important. And when they passed, he kept it up. After boot camp, during training, and every single deployment, he took photo after photo and sent them home for me to hang up. So that I didn’t miss out.
And I knew I’d never take down a single photo from that wall.
“I miss him.”
I thought Bria’s words would cut my soul a hell of a lot deeper than they did. I thought the first time I heard someone close to Kevin say they missed him, that it would crush me. That I’d rage about the fact that they didn’t lose as much as I did. I thought I’d try to hurt them like I was hurting. Instead, I found myself nodding and reaching for her hand.
“I know.” My voice broke and I didn’t bother hiding it.
Bria’s eyes filled with tears. “We weren’t in love. That’s why we broke up. Our relationship wasn’t going anywhere. Not like… We just weren’t anything anymore except friends, and I miss him so much. I can’t imagine how bad it is for you, Chloe.”
I couldn’t answer her. Her comment about me and Ian, even if it went unsaid, still hung in the air between us.
“He’s a Marine.” I coughed. “He was a Marine. If he knew or could see me upset and crying all the time, he’d slap me silly and call me a girl. Then he’d wait for me to fall asleep and take my entire bedroom out back, setting it up just like it was inside, and all before I ever woke up.” Shifting my eyes down to my hands, I struggled to take the deep breath I needed to in order to focus. “I’m going to be fine,” I said more for myself than for Bria. “I’m sorry that he’s gone, Bria. I always hoped the two of you would get back together.”
Bria’s barking laughter shocked me to my core. It wasn’t harsh or malicious or even mocking. Instead, she pulled out her phone again when she saw the expression on my face.
“Here.”
When she tapped the screen and the unmistakable sound of Kevin’s voice filled the air around us, my heart lurched.
I didn’t tell Bria that I’d been replaying videos from my phone every night so I didn’t feel quite so alone in the house.
“I’m serious, Bria. If she had her way, we’d be married already and having babies. Don’t ever tell Chloe that we’re talking again.”
“No promises.” Bria’s voiced cooed through the video, and I watched as Kevin threw a familiar pillow at her. “Stop it, Kevin.” She groaned. “I promise. Sheesh.”
“She’s gonna think we’re hooking up, and I don’t want her to get mad when she finds out we’re not,” Kev said somberly through the line. “I don’t want anything to get in the way of their wedding, and you know how rash Chloe can act when she gets hurt.”
Bria turned off her phone and slipped it into her pocket, artfully ignoring the tears I swiped away from my eyes.
Neither of us said a word for the rest of the time she waited for Bee. Bee, who bounced out of the office like she hadn’t lost her family, and like her uncle hadn’t tried to kill her.
“Let’s go, Bria.” Bee pulled open the main office door. “I need to get back before Alta sends out the troops to find out where I went.”
Bria rolled her eyes and waved as she followed. “It’s not like you were with me or anything,” she said matter-of-factly. “You know, like you are twice a month.”
I followed them out, ready to shut the door that they’d left open. Unfortunately, the office across the hall opened at the commotion.
Standing there, with an unreadable expression on his face, was Ian. Instead of slamming the door shut like I wanted to, I almost tripped and hit my face on the carpet. Until he was there, steadying me with one hand, singeing my skin where our bodies touched.
“Hey.” His guttural voice rippled through me. “I got you.”
The smart voice in my head, the logical one, told me to apologize. To tell him it wasn’t his fault that Kevin died. That I still loved him.
But the stubborn side won out, like always.
As carefully as possible, I extricated myself from his touch, even when all I really wanted to do was kiss him.