They stared at one another for a moment.
“The letter,” Gage finally said.
Travis didn’t speak.
“Tomorrow, we’ll read the letter. Together.”
Travis managed a nod.
“But tonight we’ll start by sleepin’ in here. Both of us.” There was so much pain in Gage’s eyes. “I don’t wanna be alone, Trav. You said you wouldn’t make me do this alone.”
Travis knew Gage wasn’t referring to taking care of the house, the kids, the responsibilities. Travis was putting in his time as promised. Yet he was ignoring their relationship, their bond. He’d all but written it off because he didn’t believe he deserved Gage. In doing so, he was hurting the man he loved.
“We’ll start with one night,” Gage continued. “See how it goes.”
Travis wasn’t sure he’d survive it, but at the same time, he knew he wouldn’t survive leaving Gage alone tonight. Hell, he couldn’t survive much more of this rift they were creating between them. It was tearing him to shreds with each passing day.
“Okay.”
Gage must’ve known he was having a difficult time processing even with his agreement because he didn’t go far, leading the way to their bed.
Every step Travis took felt heavy. His heart picked up a new rhythm, a drumbeat of both pain and need, loss and love.
“Be with me tonight, Trav. Just me. Just us. For a little while.”
Travis focused only on Gage, on the man he had fallen in love with, the man who’d been his lifeline and his anchor over the years.
“I love you,” Travis whispered, sliding his palms over Gage’s whiskered cheeks.
“I know.”
Travis realized that was the second time Gage had responded that way. He hadn’t returned the sentiment, merely acknowledged it.
“Tell me you love me, Gage,” Travis insisted, pulling back enough that he could see Gage’s face clearly, so he could look in his eyes. “Tell me.”
“I do, Travis. Of course I do.”
He cupped Gage’s face firmly. “Tell. Me.”
Gage’s eyes flashed with pain once again.
Travis stepped in, holding Gage roughly. “Tell me you love me, damnit.”
“I love you,” Gage blurted, a sob tearing free. “Goddammit, Travis. I love you.”
“Why’s it so hard for you to say it?”
Gage’s brown eyes shined with unshed tears. “It’s not.”
He wouldn’t say that was a lie, but it damn sure wasn’t the truth.
“Tell me again,” he demanded, sliding his hands into Gage’s hair, gripping firmly as he looked down into his eyes.
“I love you,” Gage rasped, as though the words were torn from his chest. “I love you so fuckin’ much, Travis. So much, but it hurts. I know you loved Kylie more, I know—”
Travis staggered back, dropping his arms. “What? Why the fuck would you think that?”
Gage’s eyes scanned his face. “How can I not? You can’t even look at me. I’m the one who has to pin you down just to get a few minutes of your time. I’m the one who comes to you every fuckin’ night because I don’t want you to forget me.”
Travis stared, mouth agape.
“Without her, what’s left, Travis?” Gage asked, eyes pleading. “Tell me that. You’ve always said you couldn’t have one without the other. That was your reasoning, was it not? The reason you and Kylie went your separate ways in the very beginning? Because you needed both.”
Travis had no idea what to say. Not because there was any truth in what Gage was saying. Well, not anymore. He had said that. Yes. A long fucking time ago. Long before he’d fallen in love with both Kylie and Gage individually.
“I don’t want you to forget me, Travis,” Gage said, his tone defeated. “I don’t—”
Travis cut him off by slamming his mouth down on Gage’s. He kissed him, taking them both down to the bed. He was rough, but he was angry, so it made sense. How could this man think so little of him? How could he believe that he would ever not want him?
“I don’t love her more,” he growled, settling over Gage.
“It’s all right if you do, Trav. I understand.”
Travis lifted his head, stared down at the man beneath him. “You don’t.” He shook his head to emphasize his words. “You don’t fuckin’ understand.”
Gage stared, his eyes imploring him to explain.
“For fuck’s sake, Gage. I love you equally. The kids … you … Kylie…” Travis was unable to hide his frustration as he tried to spell it out. “All of you make up my whole heart. All the pieces.” He shifted, sliding over Gage so that he covered him fully. “But you … you’re my best friend, my lover, the man I want to have my back for the rest of my life. You, Gage.”
He could feel the emotions churning between them, knew Gage was listening.
“I can’t lose you, too,” Travis whispered, pressing his lips to Gage’s. “I won’t survive it.”
Gage’s hand caressed the side of his face as their lips melded together. “I’m not goin’ anywhere, Trav.”
It wasn’t the hard, furious kisses they’d indulged in recently. This was slow and sweet and more than a little sad.
And exactly what Travis needed. This was what they both needed. A minute together to share their pain, to know someone else was there, someone would hold them up when the weight of the world became too much. They’d avoided this for weeks now, avoided opening themselves up because the emotional turmoil was already more than they could bear.
“Love me, Gage,” Travis mumbled.
“Always,” he whispered.
Gage’s hands moved first, lifting Travis’s shirt, forcing him to rise. They moved together, rolling and shifting but never releasing one another. It wasn’t long before they were skin to skin, limbs tangled as their lips remained locked, tongues searching, seeking. On their sides, legs twined, neither of them made a move to pull apart, in tune with one another on a deeper level.
When Gage slid his hand between them, fisting Travis’s cock, he hissed in a breath, pressed his forehead to Gage’s as his hips automatically pumped to increase the friction. And when Travis did the same in return, fisting Gage’s cock, stroking, teasing, they lost themselves.
Travis hadn’t been looking for this when he came in the room. He hadn’t been seeking Gage out for this type of comfort but it happened. There, in one another’s arms, they touched and claimed, stroking one another to a climax that wasn’t just physical. It was the release they both sought, solidifying the bond they’d had all along, strengthening it.
When Gage grunted, Travis gripped him more firmly, stroked harder, drawing him closer and closer until it was inevitable. Only then did he nip Gage’s lower lip, as they both came.
Afterward, Travis dragged Gage into the shower with him, where they spent another few minutes together. Nothing sexual, only love this time. Only one heartbeat to another in a moment that would give them the strength to make it through one more day.
Chapter Eighteen
Sunday, February 21, 2021