Elias considered me for a long moment, his jaw working. Then he said, “Half past midnight.”
“What?”
“Half past midnight,” he repeated, tilting his head in the same direction I had. His mouth set as if he regretted the words, but understanding struck me. I might be able to talk to Cade properly if I found him then.
I checked my phone. It was barely ten. Way too much time to kill. But then, I needed to wait until pretty late before I attempted my next gambit anyway.
“Thank you,” I said, wondering how he knew. I had seen him coming back to the dorms awfully late that one night. What brought him wandering around campus into the early hours of the morning?
From what I knew of this place, it couldn’t be anything good.
An impulse gripped me that I didn’t give myself a chance to deny. I shifted forward and wrapped my arms around Elias’s solid frame, hugging him with my head against his shoulder. He inhaled with a start and then hugged me back, one hand stroking over my hair. For all the rigid strength coiled through his body, I caught a tremor of something more vulnerable underneath. A warm scent drifted up from his body, like dark coffee laced with a hint of sugar, exactly the way I liked it.
My thoughts tripped back to the third guy I’d had a close encounter with this evening, the one who’d literally put himself through agony to say his piece. The memory of the last words Jenson had spoken to me made my body tense up, but the business between us didn’t feel finished.
I had time. I should see what he’d say when half the school’s staff wasn’t hovering over us.
I drew back from Elias, and he stepped back farther, as if he didn’t trust himself if he stayed in arm’s reach. “I guess tomorrow morning we’ll see where I’m at,” I said with a faint smile.
He nodded. “Be careful.”
As if I could be, really.
When I reached the school, the whole place was dark, even the third floor windows. Had the staff collected Delta’s body? One of our roommates had seemed to think they wouldn’t be in any hurry. Maybe they liked leaving that glimpse into the students’ future on display to remind them of the fate they’d all face. I shivered as I stepped into the foyer.
There was no sign of any of the staff moving around on the ground floor. It occurred to me on my way down the hall to the infirmary that Jenson might have been moved back to his dorm bedroom if he’d recovered enough. How would I reach him if he was up there? I didn’t even know which bedroom he’d be in, not to mention the various other students to contend with who might object to me being on the guys’ side.
But when I nudged open the infirmary door, Jenson’s form was immediately visible in the dim light that crept through the room’s tiny window, lying on his side on the cot like he had been when I’d looked in on him before.
The door clicked into place behind me, and he stirred, rolling onto his back. At the sight of me, he sat right up—and didn’t manage to hide a wince. He obviously wasn’t completely recovered yet.
“What are you doing here, Trix?” he whispered. It was hard to tell whether his tone sounded more worried or annoyed.
“I needed to see you,” I said. “Even if you don’t want to say anything else to me, there are some things I need to say to you.”
Tucking in his legs under the blanket, he eyed me warily as I crossed the small room. I hesitated and perched on the edge of the cot by his feet. My fingers curled around the metal frame.
I dragged in a breath. “You’ve been a jerk to me most of the time since I got here. But after what happened this afternoon, I can’t believe it’s because you hate me. I think maybe you’ve been trying to protect me in your own stupid way like Ryo and Elias were. And that—that matters a lot to me, even if I wish you hadn’t been such an ass about it. I’m going to stay at least a little longer and do what I can to protect you all too, and no jabs you take at me are going to change that. So, can you just be honest with me for a minute or two? What’s really going on, Jenson?”
A ragged chuckle fell from his lips. He tipped back his head to gaze up at the ceiling as if searching for answers there. When he looked at me again, his mouth was twisted halfway between a smile and a grimace. “Are you ever going to give up?”
“Not because of anything you say,” I said.
“Trix, if I could, I—” He shut his mouth and exhaled in a rush. Then he met my eyes, more serious and intent than I’d ever seen him before. “Your shirt is white.”
I glanced down at my very dark navy top. “What?”
He went on, each sentence coming a little faster than the last. “It’s the middle of the day. We’re in the library. I have three arms. Two plus two is five. I could walk out the front gate right now if I wanted to.”
Where the hell was he going with all this? “Jenson,” I started, bewildered, and he leaned forward to hold my gaze even more urgently.
“I can tell the truth,” he said, each word like a punch.
I stared at him for several seconds as my mind whirled—and gradually connected the dots. Everything he’d said in that random string of sentences was a lie. Including that last statement?
A chill pooled in my gut. “That’s your punishment?” I said quietly. “You can’t say anything true? But—”
Surely I’d have noticed if everything he’d ever said in my presence was a lie? I searched back through my memories, trying to pinpoint a moment that would make this a lie, and the certainty only settled deeper and heavier in my belly.
“You’re always saying things like questions,” I said, studying his expression. “Questions can’t be true or false. Or you’d tell me to do something. That’s an order, not a fact. But you did sometimes just state things…”
Things like that Cade didn’t want me around. That Jenson didn’t want me around. Which had been lies too. Convenient lies when he’d wanted to push me to accept the dean’s offer.
“And the song?” I went on. “You can be honest if you’re technically just performing?”
He shrugged, which might have been as close to a direct answer as he could give me. Then he said, even softer than before, “Don’t think I ever wanted to hurt you, Trix.”
A lump rose in my throat. I scooted closer to him along the edge of the cot, not knowing what to say. He raised his hand to rest his fingers against the side of my face, a strange mix of trepidation and affection coloring his expression, as if he still wasn’t sure whether to welcome me or shove me away.
So much emotion had reverberated from his voice when he’d sung that song to me. A song about his sorrow at seeing me go, about being willing to give up everything for me. I couldn’t assume that it’d fit exactly what he’d have wanted to say if he could have used his own words plainly, but… If he even felt half as much for me as it’d sounded like he did, I didn’t know why. How much did he even know me?
Still, the memory resonated through my chest, as if some part of me recognized that emotion, understood it, accepted it. Maybe even longed to return it.
Nothing made sense here, and Jenson really couldn’t give me straight answers, even if he wanted to. He stroked his thumb over my cheek so gently, his mouth opening and then closing around things he couldn’t say. I closed my eyes for a second in the midst of the feelings rushing through me. Then I eased up on the cot to brush my lips against his.