Bear wanted you to have this.
At the right moment.
Rachel
"Wonder what it is."
"I don’t know. Guess we’re about to find out," I replied, staring at the envelope. It didn’t look new, in fact, it looked battered around the edges, as if it had been handled many times. Nervous, I passed it to her. "Read it to me?"
"You sure?"
"Yeah."
Oddly choked up, I turned my face into her hair, unashamed to admit that I was hiding as she tore open the envelope. As she did, she pulled out another envelope. A smaller one this time.
"Dearest Asher,
You’ll always be Asher to me. I know you earned the name Storm—remember when you were called Lightning? Because of that streak of hair? Storm suits you much better even if it saddens me how you got it.
Still, I’ll always see you as the baby we brought back from the correctional facility. You were so fucking small, Ash. We tried you on the bottle at first, but nothing soothed you.
Probably too much information, but Rene ended up nursing you because that was the only thing that brought you any peace. Right then, I knew you’d mean more to us than just a kid we had to look after until that bitch mother of yours got her ass out of jail.
I always wanted to adopt you, but Ellen wouldn’t stand for it. I hope you know that, in my heart, you were my son too. Not just Rex.
I had a lot of hopes for you, but your past stuck its claws in tight and it didn’t seem like it was going to let you go. Then Keira came along. She sideswiped us all. I never imagined that you’d fall for a girl like her, and when Rex told me you guys split up, I was probably more devastated than you. Which is saying a lot because I know you worship the ground she walks on.
I left Rachel with two letters, and it was at her disposal to choose which one to send to you.
This one, I asked her to send if you guys ever looked like you were getting back together.
I don’t think I’m long for this earth, Asher. I’m ready to be back with Rene. I miss her. She’s my soul mate and she was torn from me. I know you met your soul mate too—" Keira released a sharp sob at that, before she sucked it in while I hugged her harder, and continued, "I just hope she isn’t torn from you by your own stupidity.
We talked once about how dumb I’d been when I cheated on Rene. After looking around my brothers, I realized how what I did, what you did, wasn’t just dumb—it was masochistic. A trait we both share.
The love we feel for our Old Ladies is rare, Storm. We both know that. But we betrayed them, we let them down, and they might think that they know how badly we regret it, however we know they couldn’t possibly understand what it is to hurt the one person who makes up your entire universe.
So, yes, I’m praying this is the letter you’re reading. I’m praying that Keira let you back in, that she doesn’t punish you forever because, let’s face it, you’ll punish yourself far worse than she ever could. That’s how it should be though.
There has to be balance.
Such a massive gift of a soul mate has to be tempered in other ways. It’s in man’s nature to start to take something for granted, but having made that mistake once, I know, like me, it’s not something you’ll be repeating. So, I wish you a happy life together, with many wonderful years, and that big family I know you always wanted. You’ll make a great father, son. Just trust in yourself like I do.
There’s one thing in particular I’d like to impart to you.
You set your own worth in this world.
I’ve watched you struggle for years with your value. The only place you’ve ever looked right was as VP, but even that wasn’t enough. How could it be? I raised both you and Rex to be leaders. No wonder you faded under his leadership, you were supposed to strike out on your own, but that’s not exactly possible in our world, is it?
I hope that you find your way, I hope that you set out and take a path and make it your own—rule over your own kingdom on your own throne. You deserve that, son. And by that right, so does Keira. She’ll make a fine First Lady. If you’ll stop pulling the wool over her eyes and let her see the real you.
Not sure why she likes that pansy version you sell her, but I’m hoping that over time, she’ll learn the mettle of the man.
Know that I think you’re worthy.
Know that I love you.
Know that Rene loved you.
And know that, when shit comes to shit, and you ride into any battle, you do so as my son. As my heir as much as Rex.
One regret I’ll always have is that I never got your mom to sign over those adoption papers, but that’s on me, not you.
Now, to business.
Kevin Sisson.
When Nyx was done with him, I took his body and dumped him in the Hudson. Call me paranoid, but with global warming, and bad luck—let’s face it, it follows me like a specter—if his corpse ever comes to light, there’s a letter here. It’s my confession. When I got rid of him, I put my dad’s old WW2 revolver in there. They’re pigs—they’re dumb and like cold cases wrapped up nice and fast. They shouldn’t look past the signed confession and the discovery of the murder weapon. Fuck, I couldn’t have tied this up nicer for them.
Rex’s brothers… you were all my kids. I’d kill for each of you, would have gone to the electric chair to save Nyx. I watched over you, let you down, built you up, and saw you all grow, but it’s only you and Rex that I call ‘son.’
So, son, I’m sorry this is goodbye. Even as I’m glad to be going into the goop of the universe where, hopefully, Rene will be waiting on me, I wish we had more time, but that’s another life lesson.
There’s never enough time.
I love you, son. Tell that grandkid of mine I love her too.
While I can still boss you around, make sure you take care of that wife of yours—she’s going to make a fantastic Old Lady if you’ll just give her a shot.
Bear
Ps. Rex inherited most of my assets, but you’re my boy too. Speak with Rachel. She’ll tell you where to find your inheritance.
Pps. Don’t be like me. Don’t waste your life wishing you were with Keira if fate shines its shit upon you and takes her first. When the time comes, join her. Don’t suffer like I did."
And when Keira broke down in tears, she wasn’t alone.
I held her tight, tight enough that it had to hurt but it was the only way I wouldn’t cave in.
For all that I’d thought of Bear as my dad, he’d thought of me as his son, and though I hid my tears in my Old Lady’s hair, though they were loaded with sorrow and grief, peace filled me too.
Peace.
Because he was back with his First and only Lady now, and my parents were together again.
Forty-Five
Keira
Four months after August 8th
Finale B - Cast of the Motion Picture: Rent
"Cyan!" I hollered her name because she was busy fighting with Kelly. "Leave him alone!"
When she scrubbed her knuckles in his hair, I shook my head as Storm replied, "Let them be. They’re only playing."
"She’s going to give him a complex."