Dear Diary
Senior Year
I saw this guy today.
It was weird. Weird in a good way though.
I don’t think he noticed me, but I couldn’t help but notice him.
He has really long hair, and I mean, I hate long hair on guys, but his was unusual. He has this long streak at the front, and it’s silver. A whole streak of silver. I’ve never seen anything like it.
He’s not ashamed about it or anything, not that he needs to be, but it just made him stand out even more. I googled it. It’s a condition called poliosis. It sounds kinda ugly, but trust me, it’s not.
That wasn’t the only thing unusual about him.
He wore a cut.
He’s a Sinner.
How crazy is that?
I’m not sure why he was at Jackson High, but it looked as if he were waiting on someone.
Mostly, he stuck out like a sore thumb, and I knew I wasn’t the only one watching him.
People say that Jimmy Dane is a Prospect at the Sinners, but I don’t know how true that is.
There’s a lot of nonsense floating around about the local MC. I don’t believe half of it to be honest. They can’t be that bad, can they?
Dad wouldn’t agree with me.
He keeps pushing members of the country club to do something. I’m not sure who he thinks he is. He’s a church minister, not a gazillionaire who can put pressure on the mayor and get them to toss out the local motorcycle club…
When he goes on one of his diatribes, I want the ground to open and swallow me up. His hypocrisy is disturbing in someone who is preaching to people about ‘loving thy neighbor.’
Sometimes, I look at Mom and Dad and just pray that when I’m their age, I’m not so bitter.
Is that sad?
To have ‘don’t be bitter’ as a life goal?
He looked sad. The guy, I mean. He looked real sad. Bone deep. Tired too. Of all the things I noticed about him, that resonated the most.
I’m not sure how he looks like he could go to sleep for a decade and still wake up looking exhausted when he’s as gorgeous as he is, but it’s a miracle he achieves.
He’s way too old for me to even be thinking about, but, I don’t know, that sorrow. I feel it for him. His eyes are so… Man, it sounds dumb, but they really are like the windows to his soul.
I think that’s why I saw him.
His face, his beauty, it’s irrelevant.
His soul called to me.
I wonder what his name is.
Maybe it’s best if I don’t find out. I know he’s trouble, and trouble isn’t something Keira Miller’s allowed.
Even so, I’d like to make him smile. I really would.
Dear Keira
Jimmy told me that’s your name. It suits you.
I saw you the other day after class broke out and the light hit your hair, just so. I wish I had my camera with me. The crappy one on my phone won’t do you justice, won’t capture your smile forever like I need to.
You’re way too young for me.
Way too innocent for a man like me.
I should leave you alone.
I’m just not sure that I can.
That smile, damn, I can’t stop thinking about it. No malice, no manipulation—just pure joy. I’m not sure I’ve ever seen a woman smile like that before. With an innocence that makes every filthy part of me stand up and take note.
The shit I’ve done… The things I’ve seen… The people I’ve hurt… My hands are dirty. My soul is black. My heart is a shriveled mass in my chest.
You’re so clean, Keira.
So fucking clean, and I’m so dirty. So unworthy.
You’re the kind of woman a man should worship. That he should get on his hands and fucking knees to serve. In my world, men don’t do that. But you deserve it.
You deserve everything, and everything isn’t something I’m able to offer. For you, I’d try, but I don’t think you’ll ever notice me. Maybe that’s for the best.
Storm
One
Keira
PAST
West End Girls - Pet Shop Boys
"Take me somewhere."
Asher tilted his head to the side in surprise. He’d watched me walk over to him from the entrance to the school, but clearly, he hadn’t anticipated my request. After my birthday party last night, however, I could think of nothing else but him.
He’d been on my mind all night and all day, and it had nothing to do with seeing him here this morning and now. It hadn’t helped my stupid crush on him that was for sure.
"Where do you want to go?"
I shrugged. "Anywhere but here?"
"Are you okay?" he asked carefully. "Did that Leinster prick hurt you? Or say shit about you today?" His nostrils flared as if just the prospect agitated him.
"No, he wasn’t in school today." I bit my lip. "What did you do to him?"
He arched a brow. "You don’t want to know."
"Take me somewhere," I repeated softly because he was right—I didn’t want to know.
By his own admission, he hadn’t killed Ray. Not if he thought the school’s QB would be able to spread rumors about me. There was some solace to be found in there.
"Anywhere?"
I nodded.
"I don’t have a helmet for you."
"You won’t crash, will you?"
"Not with you riding bitch." When I flinched, he soothed, "That’s what it’s called when a woman rides behind you. Only a man’s Old Lady or his wife is supposed to ride behind him."
I frowned at that. "Seriously?"
"Yes. Seriously." He smiled, and it lit up his eyes. They were still sad, just… less. "I’ll get you a helmet so if you want to ride with me again, I’ll be prepared."
That had me blinking at him. "You’d do that?"
"Of course."
He said it so easily, so simply. A helmet had to cost a hundred bucks. That was insane to me that he’d just drop a hundred dollars on me like that.
A thought occurred to me. "Is that why Kendra always rides behind Jimmy? Because she’s his Old Lady?"
His brow puckered so fast that I almost missed it when he relaxed it the next second. "No. She’s not his Old Lady."
She was eighteen, so that didn’t come as a surprise. Sons Of Anarchy had taught me Old Ladies weren’t old in years, but Jimmy never so much as looked at Kendra. If anything, he studied her ass.
"Is she a sweetbutt?"
"Lemme guess. Sons of Anarchy?"
I shot him a sheepish smile. "Yes."
He rolled his eyes. "She’s on the way to becoming one."
A part of me wanted to grimace, but another part didn’t want to be disrespectful. Whores existed everywhere, after all. Even in my father’s church.
I wasn’t sure why anyone would want to have sex with a lot of bikers, but if they looked like Asher, and if they weren’t raised like I was, maybe that would be an interesting career trajectory. Who was I to judge?