She pouted. "No. I liked it."
"The soup or the headbutting?"
"Both."
I snorted. "Well, let’s hope your ma likes the soup too. Otherwise I wasted a shit ton of veggies to make it."
I slopped some out into bowls, and she peered into it. "Aunty Giulia’s didn’t look like this."
"See if it tastes decent."
I grabbed a bag of oyster crackers I’d bought from the store then shoved it at her.
She scooped some up, tasted it, hummed. "Not the same, but very good, Dad. Eight out of ten."
Despite myself, I grinned. "Thanks, Gordon Ramsey."
She giggled. "You’re welcome. It really is good. You’ll like it."
The only way I could eat it was if I drowned oyster crackers in it, making it more soggy cracker with sauce than a soup.
"If you say so," I grumbled as I hooked a foot around the stool next to hers, dumped my bowl beside hers, then hunched over as I started to scoop it up.
For a second, we were silent as we ate, and then she murmured, "Dad?"
"Hmm?"
"I might be in trouble tomorrow."
I didn’t tense up. "That bruise on your head?"
"Uh-huh."
"You headbutted someone again?"
"I did," she said with a whisper. "The teacher didn’t know but…"
"Not everyone believes snitches are evil. I get it." Sighing, I told her, "I’ll drop you off at school tomorrow."
"You will?"
"I will." I cut her a look. "We really need to get you to those Krav Maga classes." I’d tried to sign her up, but all the classes in Akron were on the same time and days as gymnastics. "We gotta do something, honey. Gotta get that temper under control."
She hunched her shoulders. "I know."
"What happened?"
"She called me trash."
I froze at that, a red wave of fury washing over me.
How many fucking times had I heard that?
How many times had they chanted that at me?
With my own mother being the worst bully of them all?
I ground my teeth together. "They did, huh?"
She nodded.
"This the first time someone’s called you that?"
"No. But it’s the first time I retaliated. I tried not to get into trouble. I really did!"
"I believe you, baby." I cast her a glance. "You know you’re not trash, don’t you?"
She was my Keira’s mirror image. The only thing I’d tarnished her with was our shared eye color, but hers were so beyond beautiful that whenever I looked into them, I was reminded that I wasn't a total and complete failure.
Cyan hitched a shoulder. "I think so." I didn’t rake her over the coals for that, just let her say her piece, as I knew, full well, she’d have something else to divulge. Of course, it shocked me when it went down a path I hadn’t anticipated. "Sometimes, I feel…" She swallowed. "Like not enough showers will get me clean, you know?"
"You did nothing wrong," I told her staunchly, looking her square in the eyes. "He was to blame."
Her brow puckered. "I don’t know why I listened to him."
"Because he was a very clever man, and ladybug, you’re young. He knew all the tricks to play that would reel you in." I reached over and pressed my hand to her shoulder. "I’m sorry I let you down, Cyan. I’m sorry I made it so that you went to him instead of me."
She chewed on the inside of her cheek. "I was so mad at Mom for making you go away. Back home, at school, they made fun of me because of the Sinners, but I could, I don’t know, deal with that. When you were there. Then you went away, and I felt alone. Mom’s not a Sinner. Not like you and me. She doesn’t get it."
It hurt to hear her talk like an adult. Hurt even more to hear her isolate her mom that way.
"Your mom’s a Sinner, Cyan. You might not think she is, but she gave up so much to be with me.
"That guy who called her a whore, he was your grandfather, honey. When your mom decided to be with me, she lost all her family because they didn’t like her for associating with me."
"I just thought they were dead. She never says anything about them." She gnawed on the inside of her cheek. "None of them will talk to her?"
"No." I shook my head to compound the point. "And you know what? She shouldn’t want to talk to them, either. People who treat you like that don’t deserve to have you in their lives." I winced. "I know what it’s like to have a temper, honey. I got one too—"
"You don’t get mad at me."
No. I didn’t. Rarely, at least.
I barely raised my voice at either of them, and only in an emergency.
The last time I remembered was when Keira had changed the locks on our old place in West Orange. Even then, that was just to make myself heard. I never shouted at them in anger.
"You’re both my everything," I said simply. "Can’t get mad at my everything, can I?" When she blinked, then smiled, I carried on, "I broke your grandfather’s nose."
"When?"
"When he tossed your mom out." My jaw gritted at the memory, but I pressed my finger to my lips and said, "That’s a secret between you and me, ladybug. Okay?"
She gaped at me, but nodded.
"She didn’t tell me she was pregnant with you until she had to. She told her mom and dad first, like a good girl, but when they found out, they didn’t react well.
"When she called me, she was sobbing. I went by to try and make things better, but they’d packed all her stuff and threw it out into their yard. You know what, Cyan? I will never forget that day. Ever. And you know what sucks?"
"What?"
"That I let her down as badly as they did."
She tilted her head to the side. "Why did you? Why did you make her let you leave us?"
"Because I was stupid. Very, very stupid. Selfish too. Some mistakes, honey, you can’t make up for. You can’t make them right. You need to remember that, so that when it comes time for you to live your life, you don’t do what I did.
"You can and should earn forgiveness, but there are some stains that just won’t wash out.
"I think, in your own way, you’re a little hellion like I was. I didn’t have gymnastics though, didn’t have anything like that until I was older than you, and Bear—" If my voice choked up, then so be it. "—decided that I needed to burn off some energy. Kinda like you with Krav Maga."
"What did you do?"
"Link, Nyx, Rex, Steel, Mav, and me used to beat the crap out of each other in the basement of the clubhouse."
She gaped at me. "Was that allowed?"
"Oh, yeah. We weren’t terrorizing someone. It was just how we used to control our tempers." I shrugged. "It worked for Steel, Rex, Link, and Mav."
"But not Uncle Nyx and you?"
"Nope. Some ya win, some ya lose."
"What happens if I still get really angry after Krav Maga?"
"Then we’ll figure it out. You willing to skip a gymnastics class to go?"