“In the morning, I am taking Lily to a rehab facility in Maine. She will stay there for a year,” he said, while I was slicing the bread.
“Oh,” I replied when so many other questions were running through my head. He had talked about her going to a rehab again but not that far away or for that long.
“She asked to go,” he added. His expression didn’t tell me much. The dark circles under his eyes, however, told me he was exhausted.
“Are you okay with this?” I asked.
He nodded his head slowly. “Yeah, I am. It’s time she does something. I can’t continue on like this. She’s out of fucking control and I am not equipped to handle it. I’m just so damn tired of it all.” As he said it, I could see the pain cross his expression.
I sat down the knife and walked around the counter. “Then why do you look like this hurts?” I asked him, reaching up to touch his face.
He closed his eyes a moment and when he opened them to look at me again, he replied, “Because she’s my mom. I shouldn’t feel like this. I shouldn’t want her to go. I shouldn’t be tired of helping her. I am all she has. But I am so goddamn tired of it. I am so fucking tired of it.”
“Any one would be tired of it, Saul. You are the best son I’ve ever known. You have done everything you can for her, including altering your life to deal with her addiction. She wants to go because she loves you and she knows what she is doing to you.”
A sad smile touched his face. “That’s what she said. Or something like it,” he told me.
I was glad Lily realized it. I just wish it hadn’t taken her so long. I pressed a kiss to his cheek then went back around the counter to make his grilled cheese. He watched but remained silent. I didn’t ask more questions, but I did want to know when he would be back.
It wasn’t until I was grilling the sandwich on the stove that he spoke again. “I should be back on Tuesday. Latest Wednesday,” he said.
I put two muffins on a plate and slid them over to him. “I’ll pour you some real milk,” I told him with a smile.
“Real milk as in whole milk from a cow?” he asked, as I took the half gallon I had bought for him out of the fridge.
I showed it to him. “Yep.”
For the first time since he arrived, a grin broke out on his beautiful face. “Damn, I feel special.”
I poured him a glass. “You should,” I said teasingly and handed it to him.
He took a long drink before setting it back down. I finished his sandwich while he ate the muffins. When I placed the grilled cheese in front of him, he was watching me.
“What?” I asked him, smiling at his serious expression.
“Nothing. I was just thinking,” he replied, picking up the grilled cheese. “Thank you,” he said before taking a bite.
“You’re welcome,” I told him then picked up a muffin and walked around to sit on the bar stool beside him.
Saul was changing. He was talking to me more. Trusting me. I realized it and I also knew he still needed time. Keeping things to himself was the way he had dealt with life. I couldn’t change it overnight. But he was doing it for me, for us…
Thirty-Eight
During my days off, Saul was gone to Maine. I tried some new recipe ideas and when they worked, I was sure to write them down for Hillya. Emily came over Sunday evening and we had a Grey’s Anatomy season three marathon while eating cupcakes and popcorn.
Saul called me twice and texted me updates, but he never mentioned what day he would be home. I didn’t ask him because I knew he was dealing with having to leave his mom there. Although he was relieved she had decided to do this, he had so much guilt about not being able to help her himself.
Monday night I was going through the kitchen and organizing Gran’s kitchen cabinets to work for me since I intended to stay. That was something else I had decided in Saul’s absence. I was going to tell him when he returned. Gran was right about me needing to start over in a new place. To find my town and build a life. I couldn’t imagine doing that anywhere but here. In this house, where I had so many wonderful memories and in this town, where I had found family and where I had found Saul.
The knock on the door had me jumping up and rushing to open it, thinking it was Saul and he was home. However, when I turned the corner, it was Rio I saw on the other side of the door. Slowing my pace, I walked the rest of the way and unlocked the dead bolt then opened it.
Surprised that he was here, the only thing I said was “Hey.” It wasn’t that I didn’t see Rio often; it was just that he normally texted before he came over.
“I need to talk to you,” he said, walking past me and into the house. I didn’t miss the tone of his voice. It was strained and upset. I couldn’t tell if he was angry or something else.
I closed the door and turned to look at him. “What is it?” I asked, my mind already running through all that it could be.
He ran a hand through his short hair and locked his gaze on me. “Do you remember when I told you to be careful with Saul?” he asked. “I warned you and you, you didn’t listen to me. I know him. I’ve known him since we were sixteen.”
“What is this about, Rio?” I asked, feeling panic building inside me. Of all the things I thought he had barged inside upset about, Saul and I hadn’t been one of them.
“Saul is a loyal friend. He’s a fucking saint of a son. God knows I would have walked out on his mom years ago if I were him. But he’s not perfect, Henley. He’s so fucked up from the shit he’s lived through.” Rio sighed loudly and stared at me hard. “Are you in love with him?”
I was. I had accepted it and even embraced it. I hadn’t told Saul yet, at least when he was awake. Telling Rio before I told Saul seemed unfair, but then the way Rio was acting right now I wasn’t sure I could lie about it.
I finally nodded my head yes.
“Dammit!” he growled. “I was afraid of this and I fucking let it happen. He was different with you,” he said, pointing at me and then beginning to pace back and forth in front of me. “I thought, I thought because he was with you all the time and he was so damn possessive of you, I thought it was over. If I had known it wasn’t then I would have told you sooner.” He stopped pacing and looked at me again. “I wouldn’t have lied to you and let you get hurt. Know that. You’re… well, you’re my sister. And I’ve not known you long but what I do know I’m proud of the fact I’m related to you. If you’d known my mom, you’d get it. She was… she wasn’t something to be proud of. But you, well, you are. It doesn’t matter that Saul is my best friend. I would have told you. I wouldn’t have just warned you to be careful.”