Pike: He’ll never last that long.
Rocco: I’ll throw a hundred on that.
Mammoth: Me too.
Gigi: Seriously?
Nick: He can’t last a week.
Rocco: I know my brother as well as I know myself, and the only thing he loves more than pussy is a challenge.
Jo: What the actual fuck? I walk away from my phone for five minutes… I’ll put two hundred on that.
Nick: Bad bet, babe.
Rebel: Horrible bet. He was about to head out the door, and it’s been forty-eight hours.
Me: I was not.
I turn off the water and step away from the shower, cursing at them under my breath.
Lily: I’m off the phone now.
Gigi: I can’t believe how well you can text and talk.
Tamara: She’s like superwoman.
Me: What’d she say?
Rebel: He’s a goner.
Pike: Totally.
Mammoth: Done.
Me: Jesus-fucking-Christ.
Gigi: Better lock that shit down.
Me: We’re not in a relationship.
Gigi: I know. That’s why I said lock it down.
Me: It’s fake, cousin. It’s all part of Lily’s fact-finding, fix-Mello mission.
Tamara: Uh-huh.
Gigi: Feels kinda real. I can hear you panting from here.
Me: <insert middle finger>
Lily: I’m calling you.
Gigi: Me?
Tamara: Me?
Rebel: Me?
Jo: Me?
Me: I hate you all.
Rocco: Nah, man. You love us, but right now, you’re loving on Arlo the most.
Me: I don’t think it was right for Lily to put her in the middle of all this. I don’t really even know her.
Rocco: But ya want her.
I roll my eyes and my phone goes black, then Lily’s name flashes across the screen.
“Ignore them,” she says as soon as I answer. “They’re stupid.”
“What’d she say?”
“No hello. No how are you. Not even, you’re the best cousin, Lily. Just, what’d she say?”
“Lily,” I warn, my patience wearing thin.
Lily giggles. “Someone’s not chill about this. I see she left an impression on you.”
“I saw her tits. Of course she did.”
“What the hell were you two doing in there with both of your shirts off?”
“She wanted to see my dragon.”
“Carmello.”
“The one on my back, goofball. I showed her, and she asked me to keep my shirt off. I can’t help that she wants to stare at something beautiful. Now, what did she say?”
Lily’s chuckle doesn’t escape me. She’s loving this and does nothing to hide her sheer enjoyment of my misery. “She only had good things to say, cousin.”
“You’re not giving me much, babe.”
“I know.” I can practically hear her smile on the other end of the phone. “She didn’t say much. She said she was going to call you and that time got away from her. She wanted to make sure you were still a go.”
My stomach flutters, and I’m instantly turned into a pubescent teenage girl. “I’m a go. Totally a go.”
“I’m glad she called. I was worried that you’d somehow offended her. Figured if you were a complete douche, she wouldn’t want to move forward.”
“But she wants to, yeah? I may only think with my dick sometimes, but I’m never a douche.”
“I bet there’re some women out there who would disagree,” Lily tells me. “Anyway, she’s going to call. She just wanted some more info on caring for her tattoo. Her skin is tender.”
“As it would be,” I reply, knowing the soreness after having more than a few hours under the gun on my own ribs.
“She’s just been lying low, letting herself heal. But tonight, she’s feeling better and wanted to touch base with you.”
“Lily,” I whisper and swallow.
“Yeah, Mello?”
“I don’t like where this is going,” I admit, collapsing back onto my bed.
“Why?” she asks, sounding all innocent.
“You’re both playing me, and I never get played. You couldn’t find someone I’d never met to do this with me? Why her?”
“Why not her?”
“Because she’s pretty and we know each other.”
“Sometimes you have to beat a man at his own game for him to see a little more clearly.”
“My eyes are fuckin’ wide open, babe. Wide fucking open. You’re not playing fair, and neither is Arlo.”
“You catchin’ feelings?”
“No,” I snap.
“You are.”
“I spent a little over five hours with the chick. I don’t catch feelings in five hours.”
“Meh,” she mutters. “Feelings happen, and there’s no reasoning why or how long until they do.”
“There’re no feelings, cousin. I caught attraction.”
“Whatever. This is good.”
“Good?” I ask, pulling the phone away to stare at it. “What do you mean, good?”
“Arlo isn’t looking for a relationship.”
“Wait.” I sit up. “You set me up in a fake relationship, to figure out why I can’t be in a relationship, with a chick who isn’t looking for a relationship?”
“Yeah.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.”
“What the fuck, Lil? Do you hear how fucked up that is?”
“It’s safer for you both.”
“Safer?”
“Neither of you is ready for feelings or relationships, but I needed intel and Arlo is the best one to get that. She’s putting herself out there, even in a fake way, because she feels safe to do so.”
“Safe?”
“Not my story to tell, honey.”
“What?”
“I’ve got to run. It’s getting late. Arlo will text you soon.”
“Like tomorrow or tonight?”
“Don’t know. She only said soon.”
“Fucking hell.”
“Sucks having to wait for something you want, doesn’t it?”
“You’re an asshole,” I tell her.
“I learned from the best, li’l cousin. Love you.”
“Love you too,” I grumble before the line goes dead.
Pike: Tomorrow night beers at the Cowboy. We need a night out.
Mammoth: I’m game.
Tamara: In.
Gigi: So ready.
Nick: We’re in too.
Jett: Us too.
Rocco: We could use a night away from the kids. Mello, you in?
Me: I’ll fucking be there.
Mammoth: Grouchy bastard.
Me: Fuck off.
Mammoth: I take it the bitch didn’t call?
Tamara: Say that again. I dare you.
Mammoth: I stand corrected. I take it the lady hasn’t called?
Tamara: Better.
Mammoth: Forgot we were among ladies.
Gigi: Where’s ladies? I remember hearing Tam slobbered on your knob pretty fucking quick. That doesn’t make a lady but a…
Tamara: Asshole, you literally left a bar with a man you didn’t know, let him sink into you for almost a week, ghosting us, and then ended up with his ring on your finger. You do not get to judge.