“I think you’ll find Hell a lot different than you’ve been taught.” Julio stepped into the boat, and she joined him, sitting primly on the bench, hands in her lap. Her wings, usually invisible, flickered into view. It drew a few gasps and one, “Holy shit, what did an angel do to deserve Hell?”
She replied, “I dared to question.”
“What rule does that break?” Clive asked, half joking.
“It’s number two, right after honor our Father, the almighty.”
The boat set off, and despite her evident trepidation, Helen gazed around with curiosity at the water and the sky, which only lightly rained ash out over the Styx.
She held out her hands to catch a flake. “Where does it come from? What is burning?”
“It’s from the furnace that keeps Hell warm. Without it, all this becomes an inhabitable frozen wasteland.” It had happened before during an attack on the Dark Lord.
As they traversed the water, they drew attention from its denizens. Swells formed as shapes glided by, but it was the appearance of an eyestalk that startled her.
“What is that?” She leaned against Julio.
“One of the monsters. Mostly harmless,” Clive announced but didn’t add that they were harmless to the damned. The souls, already being dead, couldn’t die again, but they could be hurt—or eaten. But what about an angel?
“Do they eat people?” she asked.
“Don’t you worry, Miss Angel. I’ll keep ya safe,” Clive boasted, lifting his oar and twirling it to smack a creeping tentacle.
But while Clive fought off a big one, a tiny monster lifted itself on the gunwale and peered over with one giant bulbous eye, its skin a mottled mauve. It waved, and Helen waved back.
The baby monster gurgled, and she laughed. “It shouldn’t be, but it is kind of cute.”
The ferryman heard her. “I think it likes you.”
She smiled as she petted the slimy head and said, “I like it, too.”
And Julio liked Helen. A little too much. Something he suspected the moment the devil had suggested they get married and he didn’t argue.
Him, a perpetual bachelor, tying the knot with an angel. But the worst part?
He didn’t want a divorce.
17
Hell was nothing as Helen imagined. For one, it reminded her of a dirtier version of Earth.
As they neared the massive pier, she could see in the distance buildings, roads, people.
Demons, too.
They looked like she’d been told with horns and leathery skin. Claws and big teeth. What she didn’t expect was for them to wear pants and have conversations. Some pushed carts; others threw out ropes to help dock the boats. A fellow with green skin offered her a hand to get out.
“Thank you,” she said.
“Bah,” the demon grunted.
As Julio landed beside Helen, she found herself leaning into his presence, comforted by it. She felt safe with him.
To her surprise, a red carpet suddenly unrolled and ended by her toes. The busy workers on the dock stayed clear of it, and the reason became obvious as she noticed the figure treading it in her direction.
Lucifer arrived wearing a military-style uniform heavy with medals. She could have sworn she heard bugles announcing his approach.
He stopped before her and beamed, appearing genuinely happy as he said, “Welcome to Hell.”
“It’s only temporary.” She felt it necessary to say.
“Sure, it is. That’s what they all say, but once you’ve had a taste of the circles, I guarantee you’ll never want to go back up there.” Lucifer rolled his eyes upward. “Given you’re my guest, I’ve arranged for accommodations at the most luxurious condo overlooking the Styx.”
“That’s very kind of you,” she said. “Thanks.”
Whereas Julio snorted. “Don’t be sucked in by this act. He wants something from you.”
The devil spun his head as he kept walking, very disconcerting. “I want what we all want, for Helen to tell the truth to everyone in Heaven. Exoneration is the end goal. She can’t exactly bask in that victory if she’s dead.”
Blunt. Harsh. Worse? She couldn’t even deny the possibility. Theodore had made it clear he’d kill her. And for what? Because she saw him intimate with another angel. A rule and ban that made no sense. Why couldn’t angels love each other?
“How long will I have to stay here?” she asked.
“Well, that depends on a few things,” the devil said. “How long do you think that pompous prick can hold a grudge?”
She bit her lip. “A long time.” Not the worst thing, she realized, and more of a relief. She wouldn’t have to leave any time soon. She smiled at Julio, only to see him frowning.
“I can’t stay, though. I’m supposed to be running Grim Dating,” Julio declared.
“I’m sure you can commute.” The devil waved his hand as if that would rid them of the problem.
“And leave her alone?” Julio shook his head.
“The angels wouldn’t dare come after me here. Would they?” She looked at the devil for confirmation.
The sly demon in his suave male guise grinned with a dimple. “An angel would never set foot here intentionally.”
She almost pointed out she’d agreed to come, but the devil had climbed into a strange carriage drawn by winged horses. If horses had manes of flame, burning eyes, and jutting, jagged teeth. When their cloven hoofs stamped impatiently at the ground, sparks scattered.
“We’re riding in that?” she asked.
“I’m sure it’s perfectly safe,” was Julio’s skeptical reply.
Whereas the devil laughed. “Never safe. Good thing I can’t die. But don’t worry, maybe if you croak, you’ll be lucky and not come back as a bug.”
“As usual, Dark Lord, your speeches are inspiring,” Julio muttered with a snort and an eye roll.
Helen giggled then slapped her hand over her mouth lest the devil note her amusement at his insult. Surely the lord of Hell would smite Julio on the spot. Punish him. Put him in solitary for days. Years.
The devil laughed. “I am a master of linguistics. I’ve had centuries to perfect it. And yet, do I have time to impart my grand wisdom by penning the most epic story of all time? I don’t, and so I inspire humans to write for me. Venerate me. Tell my story.” The Dark Lord’s expression turned devious. “The variations of me are plentiful. For I am legion.”
A rumble went through the carriage as it lurched into motion, and Helen clung to Julio. Slightly frightened, as she realized the affable man before her was probably the deadliest thing in the universe, because her Father, who might be senile in Heaven, wasn’t known to be a great fighter. Father God relied on his wits, and those had been declining.
Perhaps Charlie’s takeover wasn’t a bad thing. Now if only he’d do something. Imprisoning his Father meant he had the power. He should use it to bring Heaven into a more modern and just time. Starting by removing the sterilization of the female angels.
Not fair. Not right. Every angel should have a choice. Personally, Helen would avoid the whole baby-making thing because she’d yet to see the benefit of shoving a watermelon-sized creature from her moist areas.