“Nothing—” I start to say until I remember she’s my best friend and I shouldn’t keep secrets from her. “My Nanna has one more stipulation before she gives me my parents’ estate.”
She raises a brow. “What kind of stipulation?”
I toe the wood of the porch with my sneaker, unable to look at her as I whisper my next words. “The kind that involves me seeing a gynecologist to make sure I’m fertile.”
“What?” Breslin screams so loud I jump.
Surging forward, I place my hand over her mouth. “Preston doesn’t know and the last thing I need is for him to hear me telling you.”
She protests, but fortunately it’s muffled by my palm. Taking hold of her elbow with my free hand, I rush us over to the gate.
“You can’t be serious,” Breslin whisper-shouts when I remove my hand. “That bitch has no right to force you to sleep with a man and have a baby.” She stomps her foot. “This isn’t The Handmaid’s Tale. It’s your body, dammit.”
No argument here. “I know.”
She breathes a sigh of relief. “Good. It’s about time you told that witch to stop manipulating you and kick rocks.”
I study the rose bushes on the side of the house. “Yep.”
“Kit,” Breslin presses, her voice laced with concern. “You’re not actually considering going through with this, right?”
“Of course not,” I assure her. “I’m just going to make her think I am.”
Rubbing her forehead, she looks up at the night sky. “Why in the world would you do that?”
As usual, Breslin doesn’t understand. The estate is all I have left of my parents, and while I know my Nanna is manipulating me right now, I’ll be the one who gets the last laugh.
“I’m this close to winning, B. Besides, she’ll be dead soon.” When my best friend gives me a look, I add, “It takes nine months to have a baby. And that’s only if I magically get knocked up the first time—” I stop talking when her mouth drops open. “Which won’t happen, because there’s not going to be a first time.”
“Right.” Slipping the strap of the canvas bag she’s carrying off her shoulders, she hands it to me. “Here’s the stuff for Lola.”
“Breslin,” I call out when she starts to leave. “I know you’re upset—”
“I’m not upset. I’m scared shitless.” Her green eyes glisten with tears when she faces me. “Because I’m watching my best friend—my sister—walk off the platform and right into an oncoming train. And no matter how hard I scream or how fast I run so I can try to stop the inevitable…I can’t.”
She’s right. I told myself not to enter the station…yet, here I am, teetering on the edge of the platform like it’s a tightrope.
About to fall.
“Preston is a train,” I agree. “A big, scary train that very well may crush me.”
“Exactly—”
“But he won’t.”
Preston may taunt, tease, and provoke me in an attempt to push me away, but I know he would never intentionally hurt me.
“How can you be so sure?”
I tell her the truth. The one I feel in my marrow.
“Because I trust him.”
While he’s not exactly a noble, moral person…he also never pretends to be. He’s cruel and reckless on his best days—but I see the parts of him no one else does.
The good hidden underneath the wreckage.
Preston is a train. Barreling into me full force.
But what Breslin doesn’t realize is, he’s not going to destroy me…
Because he’s too busy destroying himself.
And not saving him from his own self-destruction isn’t an option.
Even if it means losing myself in the process.
Breslin closes her eyes. “I know you want to see the good in everyone. It’s one of the many things I love about you, but—”
“I don’t want to see the good in him,” I interject. “Believe me, it would be so much easier if I couldn’t.” Because then I’d be able to walk away and give up on him like everyone else does. “But we have a connection.”
“Because of the shooting.”
I nod, then shake my head. “Yes…and no. I used to think it was that, but it’s more.” So much more. “It’s a bond that can’t be explained…an anomaly.”
My anomaly.
“I get why you don’t trust him,” I continue, my voice cracking because not having my best friend support my decisions hurts like hell. “But I need you to trust me.”
Her arms enclose around my frame, wrapping me up in a hug. “I do trust you.”
“Then stop making it so hard to tell you things.”
The pain in her voice is palpable. “You can tell me anything, Kit.”
“No, I can’t. Not anymore.” Backing away, I wipe my tears with my sleeve. “You said you would try not to be so judgy, but…”
“I haven’t been doing a good job.” She blows out a heavy breath. “I’m sorry.”
“I don’t want you to be sorry. I just want you to be my best friend…even when you think I’m making a huge mistake.”
Because some mistakes are worth it.
Some mistakes aren’t mistakes at all.
“Okay,” she whispers. “I will try my hardest to rein it in. For real this time.” Inhaling deeply, she runs a hand through her hair. “What’s been going on with you and Princess Monet?”
Our secret code name for him has me smiling, despite my next words. “He’s driving me crazy.”
“Why?”
I take a deep breath before I begin. “Well, for starters he showed up to Pretty Kitties unannounced after some asshole hit me over the head while I was walking out to my car and knocked me unconscious—”
Outrage colors her pretty face. “What?”
“I know, you think he would have at least called before barging—”
“Who the hell hit you over the head? And why the fuck didn’t you call me?” She holds up a finger. “And don’t you dare tell me I’m being a judgy bitch right now. This is serious, Kit.”
My shoulders slump in defeat because there’s no use arguing. “I know it sounds dramatic, but the police think it was a mugger. Fortunately, the security guard scared him off before he could steal anything.” I squint, afraid she can sense my little white lie. “Okay, fine. The detective thought it was Preston.”
“Yeah, right.” Skepticism fills her tone. “Preston would never do that.”
I try to hide my shock, but fail. “Well, I’ll be damned. Look who’s coming to his defense.”
“Just because he would never physically hurt you doesn’t mean—” She makes the motion of zipping her lips. “Never mind. Go on.”
“The detective is checking the security cameras to find out who it was. But like I said before, I’m positive it was just a mugger.” I chew my thumbnail. “Anyway, an EMT told Preston I was unconscious, so he rushed to New York to make sure I was okay…but then he caught me kissing Amber in the coffee room.” I give my head a shake. “Technically, she kissed me, but I didn’t want her to. Not that I had a chance to tell him that because he got pissed and left…and that’s when I remembered it was his birthday.”