Sometimes the odds don’t mean shit, and fate has other plans.
Sometimes what you thought was a bad hand turns out to be a blessing in disguise.
And sometimes…you lost everything.
“Why isn’t Becca here?” I turn to the nurse. “She’s his mother, shouldn’t she be with him?”
It comes out harsh, but I don’t give a fuck. Someone needs to be here for this baby to make sure he’s okay. He already came into this world without a father, he shouldn’t have to be without a mother, too.
“She’s still recovering.”
“I was told she was stable.” When the minutes stretch, I ask, “Has she been by to see him at all?”
“Not yet.” The nurse averts her gaze, and a pit forms in my stomach. “Sometimes it takes the mother a little time to come around.”
“Come around? Are you shitting me?” I gesture to him. “Did anyone tell her how sick he is?”
Becca’s negatives far outweigh her positives, but she’s not so much of a bitch she’d ignore her ill newborn son. I know that much.
“She’s aware.”
“Then what’s going on? Why isn’t she here?”
“She needs a little more time to recover.” Nurse Ratched’s smile doesn’t reach her eyes. “I’m sure she’ll feel better tomorrow.”
“Tomorrow?” I seethe. “He needs her now.”
I don’t give a shit how tired Becca is, the only thing she should care about is him.
“Babies respond well to positive energy. The best thing you can do for your son is relax and be there for him while his mother recovers.”
My teeth clack so hard I’m surprised a few don’t break, but I take a breath and sit down in the chair anyway. “I’ll take that water now.”
She nods and gives my shoulder a squeeze before she leaves.
“I’m just staying until your mom comes down, okay?” I move the chair closer to the incubator so I can keep a better eye on him. “Then I’ll leave.”
“You should go home and get some rest.”
“No.”
The nurse, who is starting to act like her usual Nurse Ratched self again, frowns. “The nurse who relieved me said you haven’t left his side, Preston.”
I cross my arms and stare her down. “That a problem for you?”
She sighs. “No, but it could be for you. You haven’t slept, showered, or eaten since the moment you stepped inside this room last night.”
My eyes drift to him. “I think his color is a little better.”
She nods. “Hopefully we’ll be able to wean him off the ventilator soon.” She reaches inside the glove box attached to the incubator and touches his hand with the tip of her gloved finger. “You’re doing great, baby boy.”
But he’s still not out of the woods. He needs his mother.
Tamping down my annoyance, I rub the knot forming in my neck. “Any news on whether or not she’ll be down here tonight?” I don’t bother holding back the bite in my tone.
When Becca still didn’t show up this morning, I told the doctor I was dragging her down, but he said she didn’t want any visitors. He also let it slip that she refused to breastfeed or talk about the baby.
He wouldn’t go into any more detail after that, though.
Becca’s got another day of this shit before I go up there and strangle her with my bare hands.
There is no one else this baby needs more than her, but as usual, she doesn’t give a damn about other people’s wants and needs. She’s the most selfish person I’ve ever met…and that includes me.
Sure hope his real father is a goddamn monk. Otherwise, this poor kid got dealt a horrible hand in all aspects of his life.
The sad expression on Nurse Ratched’s face has my hands clenching at my sides. “No. She’s still resting.”
The look I give her tells her exactly what I think about that. “Can’t you force her to come down here? Or at least force her to stop being a cunt and feed her son?”
She walks over to the sink and washes her hands. “From what I’m told, she’s pretty adamant about not wanting to see him. On the bright side, we were able to obtain some donor breast milk.” The forceful way she rips the paper towels from the dispenser tells me she’s almost as irritated as I am when it comes to Becca’s bullshit.
“What kind of mother doesn’t want to see or feed their child? I thought a mother’s need to protect their offspring was automatic?”
“Not always. This kind of thing happens more often than people think, unfortunately. Postpartum can be serious and devastating for all parties, and it’s not uncommon after a traumatic birth.” A small smile touches the corners of her lips. “But he has you by his side, and that’s a great thing.”
She’s about to walk out of the room but pauses. “Oh, before I forget, the doctor will be talking to you about blood transfusions shortly.” When I freeze, she adds, “Don’t worry. I know it sounds scary, but it’s standard procedure with babies who were born prematurely. His red blood cells are a little low to begin with, and because we’re doing lots of tests, he’s not able to replenish what he’s losing quick enough.”
“I guess you should probably go through with it then.” The pit in my stomach widens when I realize... “Do I need to go to the lab?”
If that’s the case, me and this baby are both screwed.
She shakes her head. “No, we already have special blood that’s been processed for infants. The only thing you have to do is talk to the doctor and sign a few forms.”
The panic in my chest dissipates, and I release a heavy sigh. “Oh.”
She shifts her weight from one foot to the other, studying me. “Are you okay?”
I walk back over to the chair. “I’m fine.”
“Is there someone I can call for you? A family member, or—”
“How about you just do your job and focus on him?”
Beep. Beep. Beep.
An ear-piercing sound has me jumping out of the chair so quick I barely have time to process where I am or what’s happening.
Until I look over and notice his skin has a bluish tint to it.
Instinctively, I slam the call button, but nurses and doctors are already rushing into the room in one big wave.
Before I can say a word, I’m pushed out of the way. My heart’s in my throat as I watch them touch him, stick needles in him, and call out things that my brain is too frazzled to understand.
Fuck. I should have been paying better attention, not falling asleep on the job.
I make my way over to them, but I’m ordered to go sit in that god-awful waiting room again. When I start to protest, two security guards not so kindly show me the way.
And that’s where I spend the next few hours…in the waiting room.
Stuck on the outside…
While the fucked-up thing beating in my chest is on the inside with him.
“It wasn’t your fault.”
I glare at Nurse Ratched. “I fell asleep.”
“You haven’t slept in almost forty-eight hours. Give yourself a break.”