Either way, he’s not the type to submit to someone’s demands.
“Why would you agree to that? It’s basically extortion.”
His expression turns grim. “Because me supporting her helps Jameson and ensures I get to see him.” Glancing up at the sky, he grips the back of his neck. “I’d be lying if I said there wasn’t a time when I fell for the poor single mother act she pulls. It’s all bullshit, though, because me and the babysitter take care of him more than she does.” His stare finds mine again. “But whenever I give Becca shit about her parenting, she gets pissed and revokes my visits with him.”
My heart sinks because that’s not fair. Not only to Preston, but Jameson because it’s clear they adore each other.
Hence, she’s hurting her son, too.
Jesus. This whole thing is just sad.
Sad and strange.
It’s almost as if Becca and Preston are in the middle of an awful custody battle and she’s using Jameson as a pawn.
“She’s treating you like you’re his father.”
Which makes absolutely no sense because he isn’t.
An ugly snort leaves him. “Only when it’s convenient for her.”
It’s on the tip of my tongue to remind him he has no ties, so he’s free to walk away from her bullshit…but the pure longing in his eyes has a knot forming in my chest.
He doesn’t even have to tell me he wishes he was Jameson’s father. It’s so palpable I feel it.
And now I can’t help but wonder.
“Did you ever sleep with her after Jameson was born?”
It’s obvious Becca’s still holding a torch for Preston given her contingency is that he stays away from me.
But does Preston still have any lingering feelings for her?
Becca is a manipulative bitch…but she’s also the mother of the child he has such a strong attachment to.
The child he wishes was biologically his.
My stomach bottoms out when Preston averts his gaze…like he can’t bear to look at me.
“Yes—”
“Stop,” I interject, because I honestly can’t handle it. “I never should have asked. I guess I was just hoping that maybe…” I shake my head. “It doesn’t matter.”
It doesn’t change anything.
I’m about to walk away for a final time, but he wraps a hand around my wrist.
“It happened once, a couple of years ago.” His expression fills with so much disgust that for a moment I think he’s seriously going to puke. “She got in my head one night while I was in town for a visit. Started spewing shit like how happy Jameson would be if I was his real dad. That he deserved a real family—and if I genuinely cared about him like I claimed—I’d be with her because it’s what’s best for him.” His Adam’s apple bobs. “When I woke up the next morning, I was so nauseated I couldn’t fucking breathe. Not only because the antichrist herself was lying next to me, but because I knew with every fiber of my fucking being that it was a mistake. No matter how much I care about Jameson—and trust me, I do—I can’t be with her. I can’t.”
He utters his last statement with so much conviction, whatever rebuttal I was gearing up to make vanishes into thin air.
Yet, his admissions still aren’t going to fix things between us.
Yanking my wrist from his hold, I cross my arms. “That explains what you were doing with Becca. But it still doesn’t explain why you lied to me.”
I get that Jameson is important to him and he didn’t want to jeopardize never seeing him again due to Becca’s ridiculous rules…but he didn’t tell me.
I’m not saying it would have been easy to digest, but I was never even given the chance to make heads or tails of it. He didn’t respect or care about me enough to be honest and let me make my own decision.
Instead, he continuously kept me in the dark about something so important.
He let me fall…all while knowing I was headed for a crash landing.
Just like Becca.
“I didn’t tell you the truth because I finally had a chance with you, and I didn’t want to fuck it up.” The veins in his neck strain against his skin as he continues. “It was selfish of me, but I’ve wanted you ever since I saw you on that bridge and I spent years believing you’d never feel the same...until you did.” His voice drops to a hoarse whisper. “I didn’t want to lose you.”
Just like that, my stupid, foolish cadaver heart attempts a resurrection…because it so badly wants there to be some morsel of truth in what he’s saying.
But even if there was…it wouldn’t be enough.
I’m tired of accepting crumbs from people.
Tired of being a lightweight.
Tired of being burned.
I idiotically assumed it would be different with Preston. Not because he’s a guy, but because he saved my life multiple times.
I figured that meant he cared, and I was as important to him as he is to me.
I had faith that the connection we shared was so strong nothing could ever break it.
I thought I finally found my safe place to land.
But he’s not.
“The irony.” Whatever remnants of my heart that might have been left behind are permanently destroyed as I rip off my necklace and give him back his poker chip. “You lied because you didn’t want to risk losing me, but in the end, you lost me because you lied.”
His head jerks like I slapped him before he stares at the poker chip in his palm.
I see the exact moment the realization that he’s lost me for good sets in because the pain etched on his face feels like a kick to the stomach.
He rubs the spot over his heart, like it physically hurts as he staggers back…
A little too close to the edge.
“Watch out.”
Zapping out of his trance, he tries to right himself, but the rocks at the edge of the cliff give way.
Panic claws up my chest and I surge forward so I can grab his shirt.
“No!”
He tries to push my hand away, but I grab his.
And then he’s falling…
And so am I.
Pressure tightens against my ribs and we hit the water so hard my ears pop.
I kick my legs, trying to get to the surface, but I can’t…it feels like my head is stuck in the spin cycle.
I’m so dizzy.
Whatever you do. Don’t open your eyes.
My lungs burn as they expel my last bit of air. I’m not gonna make it.
I always knew this is how I would die.
There’s a sharp tug on my shirt. “Kit.”
No.
A strong arm wraps around my waist and I’m pressed against something hard and wet. “Angry girl.”
Air fills my lungs. Preston.
Lifting my head from his chest, I peer up at his face. “We’re alive.”
Holy shit.
“What the fuck were you thinking?” A growl leaves him and he punches the water, causing it to splash both of us. “You almost died.”
“So did you,” I point out, my hand fluttering to my chest where my heart is still pounding wildly. “But we beat the odds.”
I can’t help but smile because not only that…
I survived my worst fear.