I kick off my shoes and climb into bed still fully dressed. I pull her against me, and she mumbles something I don’t catch. But I’m so tired and it’s so late that I don’t want to ask. I only want to hold her in my arms while we sleep.
It feels like two seconds later, but I must have been asleep for at least an hour or so. There’s light coming through the window, but the bed is empty. When I reach for Selma’s spot, it’s cold, so she must have gotten up a while ago.
Rubbing the sleep out of my eyes with the heel of my hand, I walk out of the guest room and search for her. I hear sounds coming from the kitchen, and my stomach grumbles. I haven’t eaten anything since yesterday morning. Maybe I can convince Selma to go get some food while we talk.
There’s so much I want to tell her, but first, coffee.
“Hey, babe,” I say when I see her over by the sink. She doesn’t turn around, and I walk up behind her, wrapping my hands around her hips. “Why didn’t you sleep in our bed last night?”
“Our bed?” She still doesn’t turn to look at me, and her body is tense. Everything about her body language is cold, and I blink my eyes to make sure I’m awake.
“What’s wrong, is everything okay?”
She pushes a pile of papers I left on the counter before I left. “Your stuff is everywhere.”
“Sorry about that. Here, let me move it.” I grab the stack of papers, and she finally turns to face me.
“It’s everywhere, Luca. You keep bringing things over like you live here, but you don’t.” When her eyes meet mine, I see the red rim around them like she’s been crying.
“Selma, what happened?” I put the papers down and reach for her, but she takes a step back.
“It’s not what’s happened, it’s what’s going to happen. I can’t do this anymore, Luca. I see the writing on the wall, and I’m not sure I’m ready for it.”
“Wait, slow down.” I try to calm my voice but at the same time my heart is thumping out of my chest. “Talk to me.”
“I don’t want to be with someone who isn’t around.” She swallows hard, and I see her eyes begin to water. “I care about you, Luca, but you’re here one day and then gone for three. What kind of relationship are we supposed to have when you’re not here for it?”
“Selma—”
“It’s only been a short time, and I feel myself breaking at the thought of not being with you, but I won’t live a life like I did before. I gave everything to my job, and all I had to show for it was a life alone and miserable. I’ve seen how life is on the other side of that, and I’m not ready to give it up.”
“Stop, let me speak—”
“Luca, if I let you talk then I know you’ll convince me it’s okay and we’ll make it work. I don’t want to be convinced. I know what I feel when you’re with me, and I know what I feel when you’re gone. I can’t do this.”
She shakes her head, and the tears fall.
“That’s it.” I reach out and grab her by the arms and before she can stop me, I throw her over my shoulder.
“Luca! Put me down!”
“You said you didn’t want me to talk, so I’m going to show you instead.”
“Luca Cross, you are crazy? Put me down!”
I feel her hit my back, but all I do is shake my head as I get on the elevator and push the button for the lobby.
“I’m not dressed! You can’t take me downstairs in pajamas,” she complains as she smacks my ass.
“You should have thought of that sooner.”
I’m still in my clothes from yesterday, and I slipped on my shoes before I walked out. I’m just happy she’s wearing one of my shirts and a pair of shorts, instead of sleeping naked like we usually do.
“Good morning,” the doorman says as he holds out my keys.
“Thanks, Eugene.” I nod as I go over to my SUV and open the passenger door. I plant Selma in the seat and give her a hard look. “You’re going to sit your pretty ass right here, and you’re not going to talk until I tell you I’m finished. Understood?”
Her eyes are wide, and it’s probably because she’s surprised. I’m never one to raise my voice or show anger. I’m always the easygoing brother and the fun guy to hang out with. But right now, my woman is in need of a check, and she’s going to get it. I wait half a second before she nods and then I shut the door and go to the driver’s side.
It’s a quiet drive, but it doesn't take long, and when we reach our destination, I can practically feel words ready to rush out of her mouth. I roll down my window and wave to the guy at the gate. He nods his head and hits a button so that the gates slide to the side. When I pull through, there’s parking straight ahead and a gated courtyard all around us.
I turn off the car and look at Selma, who is physically pressing her lips together so she doesn’t start asking questions. It’s adorable, and I want to pull her to me and kiss the shit out of her. But then I think about all those fears she has bubbling up, and I know we need to settle a few things first.
When I get out of the car and go to her side, I hold my arms out to her. This time she comes willingly, and I turn around to give her a piggyback ride.
“Six years ago I visited an elderly lady that lived here. She was an only child and never married or had children.” I walk through the courtyard that leads to a garden around the edge of the property. “She was one of the first female architects in the city and designed this home to remind her of the country where she grew up, right in the middle of the city.”
“It’s so beautiful,” Selma says softly, and I squeeze her thighs.
“No talking.” She grunts, and I have to fight a smile. “At the time when I spoke to her, her health was failing, and she was preparing her assets. At first she told me that she wanted to sell the house and the land so that she could donate the money to charity. I tried to explain to her that the house is historic and should be preserved.”
As we walk the edge of the garden, the hydrangeas are overrun and in bloom. They’re like blue and pink clouds around us, and the sun is shining overhead.
“For years I’d come here and talk with her, and we’d discuss the house, but other things too. We talked about art, and the city, and the small towns we came from. Her name was Lily, and we became good friends. I might have been her only friend in the end, because a few months ago she passed and left this all to me.”
“Luca,” Selma says softly, and I stop in the middle of the hydrangeas to place her on a patch of grass.
Turning around, I pull Selma into my arms and brush my thumb over her cheek. “Before she died, I knew that even if she allowed me to sell this place for her, I couldn't do it. I’d made a place in my heart for Ms. Lily and her home. You know I lost my parents so young, she was like the grandmother I never had. I cared for her, and when she died I thought that was the end of the road for us. But then I found out she left me this, and it was like she was giving me a chance to change my course. I think she knew exactly what you were telling me this morning. That I work too much, I’m gone too often, and I’m not where I should be.”