He spreads his palm over the left side of my jaw and swipes his thumb back and forth. I break a little inside because I shouldn’t want this, but the touch is appeasing the desperate need I have to be cared for. My shoulders slump and it’s hard not to cry again, not to lose control, but this time it’s because I know what a kind touch feels like. Whistler will never know how much it means to me.
He doesn’t make a move. He doesn’t try anything. He just simply…holds me without making it complicated. A friend, if I had any, would do the same. My mom would do the same.
Granted, they didn’t make my heart race with desire.
And that scares me too.
I’ve learned desire means nothing, it’s who someone is on the inside that means everything.
Monsters swim inside everyone’s veins, some better at staying near the soul while others push against the surface.
What kind of monster is Whistler?
I don’t care what anyone says.
We’re all monsters in some way.
“Feels good, doesn’t it?” he asks with a tight, crooked smile. “I’ll never lay a hand on you unless it’s like this, Cupcake.”
“Why do I believe you?” My eyes water at the truth and I slightly hate myself for it. “I don’t want to believe you. You have no idea how much I don’t want to. I want to hate you. I want to hate every man I ever see.”
“You can hate me all you want until it makes you feel better. It won’t bother me to be your steppingstone, Charlie.”
“But I don’t hate you. I want to, but I can’t.” I press my hand over his and rub my cheek on his palm. “Just like I couldn’t kill Kenneth. If I hate anyone, I hate myself.”
He skims his fingers down my face until he slips them under my chin to lift my head. “If there is one person you should love, it’s yourself. I know there are a lot of toxins to work through and you can do that here. Safely. He’s done a lot of damage here.” He taps the side of my temple. “And here.” Whistler pokes my chest where my heart is. “Those scars are the worst, but one day, you’re going to allow me to help them heal.”
“Why?” I ask, not understanding why he would want anything to do with me.
“You’ll see.” He stands from the bed and stretches his arms over his head. The sweatpants he has on are grey and they hang low on his hips, showing an Adonis belt that I’ve never seen before. I shouldn’t be looking, but the way his shirt lifts up to show his tan abdomen is hard not to notice.
I glance away and wrap my arms around my waist, then take another peek through my lashes. He has turned and the greys sweatpants mold around him. I gasp out loud, and quickly look away.
The outline of his cock is visible. I can see…everything. The material is tight over his bulge and the length and width is impressive. My face flames and he turns around to give me his back, which isn’t better because I get a view of his ass.
I never thought an ass on a man was something I liked, but his is firm and perky, like he does a lot of squats, but it isn’t big or round. It’s just right.
What am I doing?
Yes, Whistler is a beautiful, and so far, a kind man. It’s okay to admit that. There. The truth is out in the open in my mind. I’ve recognized it and now I can move on from it. Plus, the thought of wanting him, while exciting, is too much for me to think about right now. How I feel around him is overwhelming and I can’t tell if it is a good thing or a bad thing.
“Here. I know they aren’t your size since they are my clothes. They are going to be huge on you, but I figured getting out of that outfit and a nice hot shower will make you feel better. Or a bath. There’s an awesome tub in the bathroom.” He points toward the door on the left side of the wall across from me. “I had One, my best friend, run and grab a suitcase for me of my clothes. I’ll be staying here with you to make sure you’re okay. I’ll be right on the recliner.”
I take the clothes he is holding out and place them in my lap. “You don’t have to do that.” As I shake my head and look down at the clothes, my hair falls, acting as a veil to hide my face. “I’m sure you have more important things to do. I don’t need to be babysat. I’m in enough trouble as is. Kenneth is going—”
“—You aren’t going back to Kenneth. Not ever.” He raises his voice and I flinch, automatically rearing back to get hit. “Hey, Cupcake. I’m not mad at you. I’m mad at him and like I said, I’m not ever going to hurt you, I know it will take time to believe. Go shower and then come downstairs. I’m making you breakfast and then we have a lot to talk about. It has to do with Kenneth.”
I nod. “Okay,” I whisper. “I’ll be down soon. Thank you for this, for saving me, for being there when no one else was. I’ll never be able to repay you.”
“You already have, Cupcake.”
Whistler disappears out of the door, and I’m left alone in the big, empty room. I lift my knees to my chest and wrap my arms around them while looking back and forth across the room. The air in the room feels different now that Whistler isn’t in here.
It’s colder and daunting like the walls are about to swallow me whole. I inhale and exhale as I try to relax. Slowing down the negative thoughts is easier here than it was at the house with Kenneth. “I’m okay here. I’m okay. You aren’t with Kenneth. You’re safe.” Whistler said I was safe, and I’m going to do something crazy.
I’m going to take a leap of faith and believe him.
I hold the clothes to my chest as I roll off the bed and scurry to the bathroom. I flip the light on, but it’s so bright, I turn the dial on the wall and the lights dim immediately. The soft glow calms me, and the tub does look inviting, but I want to shower quickly to find out what Whistler has to talk to me about.
The floor is made of pennies, a design I’ve only seen in videos, and the counter is granite. I run my hands along the polished black and grey top. It’s a woman’s dream bathroom. The square mirror hangs above the sink with a copper frame to match the floor and I wince when I see my reflection.
There are no new bruises, but I look like I’ve been to hell and back with the top down in the car.
I can’t believe Whistler has seen me like this. If he would have been Kenneth, I would have gotten punished for looking so rough and unkept.
He isn’t here, so I don’t have to worry about that. “Deep breath in and out,” I try to calm my racing heart again.
Maybe this is the chance I’ve been waiting for. This is what I needed to get away from Kenneth. I never have to feel his fist against my face again.
I’m almost free.
I smile at the thought and quickly undress, then hop in the shower. The touchscreen is new to me, but it doesn’t take me long to figure out. A few taps and the shower turns on. I’m even able to pick the temperature I want the water to be.
Scalding, please. Until my skin melts off, thanks.
I like for my body to be bright pink and hot to the touch when I get out of the shower. I stay warmer longer when the air hits me and threatens to ruin it.
As I clean my body, I notice yellow bruises, which means my body is healing. And what’s better is that the only new bruise I have is the one around my neck from when he choked me. I almost want to celebrate.