“Well, I don’t know about that.”
“Date them both. Why do you have to choose just one to date? I’m not going to. If society doesn’t like it, well, they need to get the stick out of their butts. They don’t pay your bills to have a say, now do they?”
I laugh, but it’s true. As always, her advice changes my perspective.
Instead of seeing it as something bad within me, I should realize that something is missing with Logan and I’m not fully invested, or I wouldn’t be kissing Austin in the garden.
Rather than end things with either, I need to empower myself to make the best choice for me. And if that means having a Bachelorette moment to date them both, maybe I should just do it.
“Thank you, Granny Mae. I love you.”
“Love you too. Oh, and I’m going to place an order on your website tomorrow. It’s come to my attention that the Ladies Club needs new serving dishes, and it’ll really raisin Ruth’s cookie to see my recipes on every one. Toodles!” She ends the call, blissfully unaware that although she’d lightened the load on my heart, she’d also just increased the load that really might break my back soon.
Rather than dwell on work, I just check my mascara in the side mirror one last time and head inside to see Logan. I’m feeling a tiny bit nervous. What if, after all this time apart, our chemistry is gone? What if he really only did want a steady lay to water his plants? What if he has one in every port—er, gig stop?
Those fears are hardly even full-grown before Logan squashes them. He’s waiting for me by the bouncer, looking absolutely delicious and clearly appreciating the low-cut top I’m wearing.
“Was I right or what?” he asks the bouncer, never taking his eyes off me as he walks forward to grab my hands and look me up and down.
“You were right,” the hulking dude says, never actually looking at me at all. “Prettiest girl I ever saw.”
He moves on to flirting with the guy that walked in just behind me, and Logan moves us on, leading me through the venue and out the stage door.
“When the van is rocking, no one will come knocking,” he says, pulling me into the Scarlet Letter minivan to bang pre-show.
“You sure?” I say, glancing over my shoulder at the back door of the venue.
“Positive.”
Before I can object or think about my confusion regarding Austin, his lips are attached to mine. I can’t help comparing kisses as his tongue meets mine. Logan’s is wonderful, don’t get me wrong, but it doesn’t set my soul on fire and threaten to spread like a wildfire until I’m nothing but charred ashes.
But maybe if I give him a chance, it will?
Or am I mistaking chemistry for love with Austin’s all-consuming passion?
“Fuck, there’s not a lot of room in here,” he says, pulling me into his lap, and sliding his hand up my skirt with nimble fingers. I have no Austin memory to compare this to, and that’s fine by me. Less confusing. And also, he is really good at this. I have very much missed the touch of a hand that isn’t mine.
“We have to hurry because the show starts soon and I have to warm up with the band.” He’s sure warming me up. But I should say something, I really should.
“So, I was thinking—” He sucks my earlobe into his mouth, and I moan, completely unable to finish my thought about staying non-exclusive.
“No thinking,” he says, moving from my earlobe to much further south. “Just feel.”
Oh, and I do. For the very brief moment that it lasts. This is not the ideal place for sex. The van is a little crowded with band stuff…and messy. I kneel on a discarded water bottle, or something equally crunchy, as I try to gracefully move to the top in our tight space so he can unzip and push down his jeans to roll a condom onto his hard length.
We moan in unison as he eases into me.
Should I feel guilty? This definitely feels good. If I wasn’t into him anymore, it wouldn’t feel good, right? Anger drives my hips down in a frenzy as I ride him in the back of the van, holding the back of the seat, releasing my frustrations with every thrust from Logan.
“You’re so sexy right now,” he says, watching our bodies connect.
Confusion is as terrible as guilt. Why now, when I’ve finally met a decent guy, does Austin decide he wants to date me? I was half hoping the sex would be bad and that would be an indicator that I should go out with Austin and dump Logan, but Logan and I still have all the chemistry we ever had. Which leaves me in limbo.
What if I give up this good thing and Austin loses interest?
When Logan presses the pad of his thumb to my clit, rubbing the bundle of nerves, I force myself to focus on him, the way he pants, the lusty haze in his eyes when he stares back at me, the sexy way he bites his lip, because I don’t want to close my eyes and chance Austin slipping into my mind.
He rams faster into me, with no mercy, until my orgasm sneaks up and my hand Rose-slaps against the fog-covered window as I shatter into blissful pieces.
“Oh God,” he says, pumping faster until a shudder wracks his body and he releases a moan loud enough to alert the whole bar to our shenanigans.
A knock raps on the passenger window on the opposite side of the van. “Dude, are you fucking?” Will’s voice says.
“Oh God,” I echo, climbing out of Logan’s lap, bumping my head on the ceiling, pulling my skirt down. “Someone did come knocking.”
“Nobody’s home,” Logan calls out.
“Open the door. I won’t look,” he says.
“Such a pervert,” Logan shoots back.
Within a few minutes, we’re presentable, and I climb out.
“Oh, hi. We were just talking. Catching up a bit.”
Will smirks. “Mm-hmm.” He waves a finger at my shirt. “You might want to fix that.”
I look down at my left boob, thankfully still in its bra, but completely outside of the shirt. Lovely.
“What do you want?” Logan asks, joining me outside the van.
“Just need my throat coat tea.” Will leans in and produces a crumpled box. “You smashed it, asshole.”
Their friendly bicker continues as we walk toward the building, and after a few minutes, Logan leaves me with a kiss on the forehead to go warm up with the band.
When the show starts, I join Belinda at a spot in the corner to enjoy the music and people-watch. The crowd sings along, and a bevy of girls gyrate to the beat. The guys give an amazing performance and after, smile while they’re mauled by press and fans. Really, is this point in Logan’s life the time for him to be in a relationship?
Although Will and Belinda still grin at each other like they’re as smitten as the day they met.
“Are we exclusive?” I ask Logan backstage after they’ve finished.
He must be tempted by the attention he receives, right? As I know, dating someone doesn’t make you not feel attraction to another person, unplanned or not.
“Yeah,” he says, “were you worried I was banging other girls on tour?”
Um. “You can!”
“You want me to?” His brow furrows. “This isn’t how I thought things were going with us…”
I sigh. “That’s not…you know what, I want a do-over of this conversation after I’ve rehearsed.”