He laughs. “I like it. So tell me…what would the title of your autobiography be?”
“Throwing Rocks: A Memoir of My Many Mistakes,” I answer on the fly.
“Huh. I’d read that.”
“Thanks. It would be a bestseller, I’m sure.”
“What’s your favorite monkey?”
“I don’t have one,” I fib. Orangutans are my favorite but I won’t fall into his interview trap.
“That would be the only correct answer,” he says.
We continue on for another five minutes with him asking absurd questions that make me wonder if I could actually work for this man.
After I give him an answer that I would be a refrigerator if I were a kitchen appliance, he leans back in his chair. “I’d like to offer you the job.”
I should be more excited than I am, but I feign a squeal and express my gratitude.
“I’ll email you an offer letter by next week and you’ll have some time to look over it and sign it. My assistant Carley will give you all the details.”
I thank him again, and after we disconnect I stare at the blank screen. Be careful what you wish for, because you just might get it. I may move to Santa Fe. Everything is falling into place, yet falling apart. And I need to figure out the loose ends before I unravel completely. I pick up my phone and FaceTime Logan.
He answers on the second ring. “Hey, you.”
“Hi. I got the job in Santa Fe.”
“Wow.” He pauses, and something is off with his grin. It’s pained? “Congratulations. So you’re moving to Santa Fe?”
“I’m not sure.” I dive headfirst into the murky waters. “What is the status of our relationship?”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, I’m just not sure how to define us.”
He’s silent for a moment and then blows out a breath. “I know I haven’t pushed for the traditional relationship labels, but I didn’t think I needed to.”
“I’m just not sure about the future,” I tell him. “Or what you see for the future.”
“I want the whole she-bang. I’m a selfish bastard and don’t want you to go to Santa Fe. I want to live with you and wake up to you and I’ve realized, being without you, how much I like you being there.”
Speechless, I stare at his handsome face. Everything he said is everything I could possibly want to hear. It’s romantic. It’s secure. It’s what I wondered, at Charlotte’s wedding, if anyone would ever say to me. But…there will always be a “but” until I get Austin out of my system.
“I’m not there yet,” I say with regret. God, I wish I was there. “This is the first year I’ve really tried dating, and even though I really thought I had myself figured out, I haven’t. If I need a little more time to decide, would you hate me?”
His heavy sigh makes my chest ache. “No. Put this on hold. We’ll keep it non-exclusive until I get back from the tour, and we can talk about it then.”
“So you wouldn’t be mad if I go on a date tomorrow night with someone?”
“I don’t want to hear about it, but if that’s what you need to do…”
It is. There’s no way I can not get this out of my system. It’s not fair to Logan to not have my whole heart available.
Date night with Austin is a go.
Ten
Heel or wedge is the first world problem of the day. I FaceTime Charlotte wearing one of each to help me choose a shoe for my date with Austin.
“Tan wedge,” she replies. “Dang. You look gorgeous! The loose curls and hints of makeup are perfect with that dress.”
“You’re such a wonderful critique partner.”
Over the years, we’ve come to an understanding not to give a generic compliment and save time by analyzing the entire look from top to bottom.
“It’s true. That outfit was worth every penny,” she praises.
If only it were pennies. The floaty wrap dress that stops mid-thigh is now the priciest item of clothing I own, but a justified purchase in my mind. Austin and I already know most everything about each other so technically I could wear pajamas, but If I’m going to risk our friendship, and my budding relationship with Logan, might as well go all in and look my best for our date. Most important, I’ve got matching black undergarments beneath the dusty pink floral dress covering them.
“Wish I could be there when he sees the effort you put into making him feel valued.”
“Well…dating experts agree it’s important to nail a first impression. But hello. It’s tricky to achieve that when you’ve already had your first impression. We’ve plateaued and haven’t even left yet.”
“Who are these experts, Eeyore?”
“VIIPs…Very Important Internet People.”
“Stop! You will definitely impress him. He’s not seen what’s under that dress.”
This is true, so there’s still hope I can dazzle him with my sleek vagina. At Charlotte’s nudging, we had a spa day and got ourselves waxed. I was a little reluctant after the last ladyscaping fiasco, but gave in when she broke down in sobs and said she wouldn’t be able to see hers soon so I must take one for the team.
So, I did.
To be clear, I don’t plan on flashing him my privates, but as Charlotte pointed out, one never knows if the breeze will lift one’s skirt so it’s best to be prepared if a wind sweeps through Boulder and rips one’s panties off. Which is the same logic I used before so the possibility of it happening might not be zero. It does get pretty windy.
“You know I’m semi-neurotic, so tell me again I’m not making a mistake.”
“You’re not,” she replies to my incessant worry. “There’s more to lose if you don’t do this. Girl. Stop leaping ahead and fixating on potential problems that may never materialize. He values your friendship just as much and he’s forging ahead anyway, so it’s not like you’re in this alone. Besides, everyone knows I’d kill you both if you screwed this up.”
That’s what I needed to hear to calm the fears in my head. Besides, the internet gurus say that in the case of dating a friend, worrying about the outcome of your friendship in every phase of your romantic development is not recommended. I’ve done extensive research on first dates and have reached the conclusion that I’ll never do everything perfectly. It’s best to forgo the dating advice and rely on instinct to get me through tonight.
“Thank you for your advice! Part of me still can’t believe we’re going on a date. It’s surreal.”
A year ago, when I signed up for FriendsOfFriends to get over my crush, I never would’ve guessed life would take me right back. But after all the fantasies of what there could be between us, I can’t help but wonder—what if?
What if, after all this time spent pining for him, my date with Austin is a letdown?
It’s a valid concern and entirely possible. When you’re atop a pedestal as high as the one I put him on, is there anywhere to go but down? As I have learned the hard way, chemistry can only get you so far in a relationship. There are so many things I need answers to.