I wouldn’t have that level of self-control. Ascelin wouldn’t. Even Davorian wouldn’t be able to stop it.
Yet somehow, Jaxon was able to keep himself from shifting with her standing right in front of him.
“I wasn’t sure I was going to be able to contain it,” Jaxon breathes hard as he resumes pacing. “I nearly ripped her apart the second I walked into the penthouse. Every second in there was…” I can easily see what it was and how it affected him.
I lean back against the curtain and the glass.
It’s incredible. It’s incredible on a level I can’t even explain.
Darklings and ultralights evolved to rid the verses of the dusk, the unstable energy created because of the gate between verses. It’s why we exist.
Yet somehow, Jaxon was able to hold it at bay.
“How long has she been like this?” Jaxon asks as he continues to pace back and forth. “I can’t recall a time when she suddenly changed. She’s always been cold and calculating and heartless. Serena,” he pauses, his glowing eyes rising up to look at me. “I think she’s been this way since…probably since her dad died and she took over the family business.”
I nod, because it makes sense, and Jaxon resumes pacing. But suddenly, he stops. “Wait. Shouldn’t you have been able to tell?”
I shake my head, feeling a loss of purpose. “I’m not in my own verse, Jaxon. I can’t sense the dusk here. I can still exorcise it, but I can’t sense it here.”
He pauses, thinking about that for a moment, and then he continues pacing.
And now I have to wonder, if Vivian has been possessed this long, how long have our resident ultralights been trying to get to her? Vivian isn’t an easy person to track down and get alone.
“What are you going to do?” I ask quietly.
Jaxon stops once more, still facing the wall, pointed toward his mother. He’s not even breathing as he thinks.
“I remember you telling me that I would know, that it would be obvious that there was only one way to take care of someone who has embraced the dusk,” he says. His voice is low and rough. He looks back over his shoulder back at me. “I can’t kill my mother, Serena. Not in front of my family. Not today.”
And the haunted look in his eyes tells me the rest: maybe not ever.
I swallow once and my hands feel cold. “Do you want me to do it?”
Because I can. I can end Vivian and the dusk that she has embraced. It’s what I evolved to do. Even though I couldn’t sense her.
Jaxon holds my eyes, and the turmoil happening inside of him is so obvious to see right now. He lets out one shallow breath. “Not yet. Not today. I need some time to figure this out.”
I just nod, even though it’s killing me. The urge doesn’t stir inside of me, not like it does in the DarkVerse. There, I wouldn’t be able to stop myself. But the memory of what that felt like awakens, and my darkling is itching to do its job. “Okay.”
He closes his eyes, squeezing them closed hard and he lets out a frustrated breath. “But for now, we have to go back in there. We have to play this out.”
Looking at him now, I’m not sure how that is going to be possible. I can look at him now, but only barely and I know I’m going to have a massive headache later. And it’s a good thing he’s worked through his literal fire, because otherwise this whole place would be one gigantic torch.
But Jaxon closes his eyes. He curls his fingers into fists. His lips thin out as he focuses.
I shake my head. How is he doing this? He was so out of control just days ago that I was starting to lose hope. We’re still hurting each other whenever we touch because the instincts are so strong when we’re together.
Yet here he is, about to face down a dusk, an embraced, and he’s reigning in self-control.
Davorian and Ascelin and all the others will never believe it.
Slowly but steadily, the light grows dimmer. The flames shrink.
And two minutes later, the man I love stands there, looking entirely human.
I walk up to him cautiously. He takes one deep breath in and slowly lets it out through his lips. But he reaches out for me, wrapping his hands around my waist, pulling me close.
“Are you sure you want to do this?” I ask as I lean my forehead against his. “We can figure something else out. There’s always another way.”
He keeps his eyes closed for a moment but shakes his head. “I have to do this, Serena. I have to buy myself some time.”
I reach up, placing my hand against his face.
He’s so strong. He’s so brave.
And he’s too damn loyal.
But it’s just one of the things I love about him.
“Whenever you’re ready,” I say softly.
He takes one last deep breath and then opens his eyes. He takes my hand, and then goes to the door.
His skin is nearly a normal temperature when we walk back into the penthouse.
Blake and Chantel are now eating their lunch at the table. Vivian, however, has not moved from her place on the chair. The moment we walk inside, every pair of eyes flick back to us.
Jaxon doesn’t hesitate. He walks us back to the same couch and sinks on to it, guiding me down beside him. He crosses one ankle over the opposite knee and stretches his free hand out along the back of the couch.
He looks…relaxed.
Even my darkling is stirring, begging to take over, and I can’t even sense Vivian.
How is he keeping complete control over himself right now?
“Here’s how things are going to be,” Jaxon says. His voice is calm and even. And he sounds confident. He’s not going to be intimidated by his family, even though he is the second youngest, now that AJ is gone. “I’m not turning my back on this family. You all are my blood and even though most everyone here still blames me for what happened to AJ, I’m not just going to close the door.”
I take note that as he says this, he doesn’t look at his mother once.
He knows what has to happen someday.
She’s going to have to die.
“But I’ve put my entire life into the service of the Gray name,” Jaxon says. His tone grows a little louder, a little firmer. “There are five others, plus all our cousins and aunts and uncles. You’ve got things covered,” he says as he looks over at his mother. “I’m not saying I’ll never help out again. But I am not going to come running at your whistle. It’s time I start building my own life.”
“You say what has changed has nothing to do with Serena, yet the timing of things makes that hard to believe,” Vivian says coldly.
Jaxon doesn’t look away from her once. “Do I need to remind you what happened three years ago, Mother? When Carley was taken because of your decisions? How she was nearly beheaded? How I killed a man that night? I’ve been drifting farther and farther away for three years, Mother. It just so happens that I reached the end of my rope around the same time I met Serena.”
She stares hard at him. Then her eyes shift over to me, and I feel all my internal organs rearranging. I want to sink my claws into her chest and rip the dusk attached to her soul from her spine. The coldness in her gaze chills me all the way to my toenails.
Vivian Gray is not a good person. She isn’t even really human anymore.
“And do you mean to tell me you’ll be moving out of the city?” Vivian asks as her eyes slide back over to her son.