I pull into the garage of my complex and drive to my parking spot. After I shut my SUV off, I sit there for a minute, contemplating my future. I see nothing but lawyers fighting over my kids and my bank account. All Elena had to do was ask for a divorce, but no. She had to go and cheat.
Noise from the outside has me looking through my rear-view mirror. There’s a group of women, four or five of them, heading toward the elevator. They help make up my mind on what I’m doing and that’s staying in the car, at least for the time being. I lean my head back and close my eyes. Only to have my conversation with Elena replay in my mind. My life is a freaking nightmare, except when it comes to Autumn. I don’t know what it is about her, but she definitely knows how to bring a smile to my face. As I sit here, I wonder if I would’ve looked twice at her if things weren’t sour between Elena and me? I don’t want to think any woman could pull me away from my wife because I’ve never looked sideways at another woman since I met Elena. But something in my gut tells me Autumn would’ve been the one to get me to look. I hate that feeling. I’m not the sort of man who does those things to his family. Maybe this is part of the reason why I couldn’t stand being around Autumn when I first met her.
“And now you can’t stand to be away from her,” I say to my reflection.
I get out of the SUV, make my way to the elevator and take it to the lobby, where I exit and walk toward Noah’s place. Autumn will be there, and I want to see her. I’m past the point of caring whether people think I’m doing something wrong because I’m not divorced yet. Elena doesn’t seem to care, so why should I?
My thoughts cause me to stop. People behind me bump into me, muttering obscenities because they’re in a rush to get somewhere, and I’ve made them detour. That’s probably the first lesson I learned when I moved here; if you need to stop, move over to the side so people can continue with their journey.
“What am I doing?” I ask aloud.
“Blocking the sidewalk,” someone says as they pass by.
I ignore them and look in the direction of Noah’s building and then back to mine. I feel like I’m at a fork in the road. If I go right, my future could be waiting for me there, and if I go left—well, all I see is darkness. Why can’t I see the other path? Why do I only see darkness? Most importantly, why am I overthinking everything?
“Fuck it.” I continue toward Noah’s. I deserve to be happy, and if it’s Autumn or someone else down the road who will make me happy, then so be it. I can’t live in the past or let Elena’s decisions to break up our family mess with my life any longer.
The doorman holds the door for me. I check-in at the front desk, thankful Noah has me on his approved guest list. I’m given a passcode for the elevator and sent on my way. I think about texting Autumn to let her know I’m almost there but decide I want to see her face when I walk in.
I knock once and then open the door to Noah and Peyton’s apartment. The scene is somewhat lively. A few of my teammates are here, and Noah’s parents and little sister. I scan the room for Autumn and find her on the balcony with Quinn, Noah’s best friend. I wait for a spark of jealously to hit me, but it doesn’t. When Elena and I would come to one of Noah’s get-togethers, Elena would attach herself to Liam, Harrison, and Quinn. Even Elle if she came. I should’ve seen the writing on the wall then. After I grab a drink, I head out there to say hi.
“Hey, man, good game.” Quinn and I shake hands and hug, and then I place my hand on Autumn’s hip and lean in to kiss her cheek. “Hi,” I whisper. I feel her cheek rise and assume she’s smiling.
“No gigs this weekend?” I ask after greeting Autumn.
He shakes his head. “Nah. Soon though. We just finished recording an album. The producers need to do their thing, and then it’ll be released.”
“How’s Nola?”
“She’s good. She’s working and planning a wedding.”
“Yours?” I ask, laughing.
Quinn laughs as well and nods.
“Congratulations,” Autumn says. “Do you have a date?”
“Not yet. We gotta figure out the tour dates. We’ll get married in South Carolina. Her mother wants a spring wedding. Nola wants a fall one. I’m trying not to get in the way of planning.”
“You don’t want to have a say?” Autumn asks.
“It’s not that,” Quinn says. “Nola and I are on the same page; we agree on what we want. It’s the timing. She wants to graduate from college, and I respect that. And we also have to make sure I’m not on tour because I want to take her on a honeymoon. I don’t want her to feel like my career is in the way of having a traditional wedding. The spring to fall thing is a weather thing. We don’t want to do it when it’s too hot or during storm season.”
“Autumn knows all about the weather,” I say as I elbow her gently. She smiles, but it doesn’t reach her eyes. I don’t know what I said wrong, but clearly something. The three of us continue to talk until Autumn steps away to answer her phone, and Quinn excuses himself, leaving me feeling a bit awkward. I try not to watch Autumn as she looks at her phone, but I can’t take my eyes off of her. She seems upset or maybe even sad. Autumn pockets her phone and continues to stare out into the darkness. I wait a long moment before walking over to her.
“Everything okay?” I ask.
She startles and looks at me. “Yes, things are good.” Autumn rises onto her toes and kisses me quickly, and then she shies away. “Sorry, I probably shouldn’t have done that.”
“Why?”
Autumn looks toward the sliding glass door and then back at me. “I don’t know,” she says as she shrugs. “I feel like you wouldn’t want your teammates seeing us like that.”
She’s right, but probably not for the reasons she’s thinking. My teammates are a bunch of adolescent men who like to tease and say stupid shit. “Don’t worry about them.” I pull her long braid forward just so I can touch her hair. “Roxy wants to grow her hair long so she can do this to her hair.”
“I can do it now to her hair. It’s very easy.”
“She’d like that.”
“Do you want to get out here?” she asks. “Go to my place for a bit?”
Twenty-Five
Autumn
Julius and I walk back to our complex. I have my arm wrapped around his, and my head rests on his shoulder whenever we have to stop at the crosswalk. It’s then that he kisses my forehead or rests his head on top of mine. These moments are sweet and tender but a prelude to what’s coming or at least what I hope will happen when we get back to my place. I’m past ready to take the next step with Julius. I don’t mind the kissing part of our relationship. In fact, I love it. But I want to feel his strong hands on my body, tugging and pulling at my heated flesh. When he pulled me onto his lap earlier, I thought I was going to lose my mind. I was ready to become the locker room cliché.
When we arrive at our apartment building, I let go of him. Everyone inside knows who he is, and I don’t want rumors to start. Only, Julius isn’t having any of it and pulls me to his side and places his arm around my shoulder. I like this show of affection, out in public, where people are watching. It’s odd because I’ve never been the type to flaunt anything, mostly due to my job, but right now, I want his arm around me. I want people to know he’s getting into the elevator with me. I want them to assume. I want people to see how lucky I am because I do feel blessed.