He shakes his head at me in disgust. “Jesus Christ, you have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“Why? Because I’m a stupid psychologist?”
“You always make me feel small. Like I can’t handle my shit. It makes me feel weak.” He punctuates his words by stabbing his finger into his chest while he speaks.
I stop for a moment and catch my breath because I don’t want us to get into a bigger argument or say something we can’t find our way back out of. I decide to go at it a different way.
“You didn’t even tell me your parents want you to marry Nadiya,” I say. “What does that have to do with protection?”
He runs his hand through his hair. “They look at me to take care of her. Trusted me after I killed their son. Now I say screw off, she can go back to Russia?”
Oh shit. This is so much worse than I thought. I sit on the bed, my legs losing all their strength. “Are you going to tell them no?”
“I don’t know. Nadiya hasn’t told them about Jessie yet. We have a few weeks until she graduates to decide.”
My mouth drops open. “In your head, do you just think you’ll marry Nadiya and all four of us will live here together? When either of your parents visit, we just swap partners and I sleep with Jessie and you sleep with Nadiya?”
He groans and lets his head fall back. “I don’t know, okay? I haven’t thought that far ahead.”
I cannot believe this man. He’s blinded by his need to protect everyone around him. I stand from the bed, unable to be in this room with him any longer. “Well, think about it. Think about living for yourself, Maksim. Be the protector of yourself for once.”
“What do I have to protect?”
I soak in his words until I think I find a suitable answer. “Nothing, I guess. Since you don’t love me, you clearly don’t have to protect your heart. So, bye, Maksim. I wish you all the luck in the world.” I walk toward the door. “And I mean that, because I do love you. I knew heartbreak was a risk when I got involved with you, but it’s that love that makes me want the best for you. Have a great life.”
I dig my colleague’s card out of my purse and place it on his dresser, walk out, and shut the door. I leave my hand on the door handle for a moment, tears welling in my eyes. Because if he twists that door open and begs me to stay, I might not have the willpower to say no.
But then I let my hand fall away. I can’t be with a man who doesn’t believe in me or what I do… a man who doesn’t even love me like I love him.
I walk down the hallway. Nadiya and Jessie are there waiting for me.
“Everything okay?” Nadiya asks.
I wind my arms around Nadiya and pull her into a big hug. “Please look after him.”
Jessie runs her hand down my back. “Don’t leave. You guys are so good for one another.”
I step back, sucking back the tears until I can be alone. “It’s better this way, but it was nice while it lasted. Good luck, you two.”
With one last hug, I walk out of Maksim’s house, climb into my car, and weep for the future I thought we had together. I really did love him, even if I wasn’t on his list of people to protect.
I drive over to Jana’s as soon as I leave Maksim’s.
She probably knew where all this was going after last night, so she opens the door with martinis in hand. I accept one and collapse into her arms, shedding more tears.
“I will kick his ass, you know that, right?” Her hand runs down my back.
I nod into her neck. We make it to her couch, and I lie with my head in her lap, her fingers running through my hair.
“Hockey players break hearts. You knew this, yet you fell in love anyway.”
“He was so sweet. The stuff he said to me. I really thought he was different.”
She sips her martini. “He didn’t cheat on you, Paise. His head is just all messed up. It’s still fixable.”
I laugh because that is one bonus. At least I’m not the stupid woman who didn’t know he was cheating on me.
“He’ll probably have ten women in his bed tonight.” I wail at the thought, invoking a fresh torrent of tears.
“He’s not like that.”
The television is on, so without bothering to ask Jana why she has ESPN on, I sit up and grab her remote to turn up the volume so I can find out what people are saying. “Langley apologized?”
“He went to the hospital last night after everyone left. Said he was sorry to Aiden, I guess. The press was there when he left, so he said he didn’t want to make it a big deal, but he also doesn’t want kids to get the wrong idea. That it’s not how you play hockey and he’s been so blinded by hate that he let his emotions get the best of him. He kind of alluded to Ford but didn’t say his name outright.”
I sit back and take a sip of the martini, cringing at the amount of olive juice in it. How does she drink these?
“He’s sure got his head on straight,” I say, wishing Maksim was the same.
“Yeah, makes those hormones go into a frenzy.”
Not me though. Although it’s admirable what Langley did, my hormones only respond to one hockey player now.
“You know something funny?” I say.
“What?”
“We didn’t even do our nine dates. I fell in love with him in eight dates. That has to be a record.”
I think back to all the dates we had. The candy place, Costco, then our latest date, where we built a blanket fort in his family room and binged Netflix all night, only for the fort to crash down when we were having sex.
“Just be happy you didn’t waste your time with eighteen dates or something.”
She’s right, I should be thankful I didn’t waste more time on Maksim. But what I really regret is allowing my heart to get involved, because right now, it feels as if it’s going to take a lifetime to heal.
“You’re an idiot,” Nadiya says when I enter the kitchen a while later.
“Another reason why I’m happy I’m a lesbian,” Jessie says.
I roll my eyes, ignoring them and walking out the patio door toward the beach. I hold on to the railing while I stretch. I’m not much of a runner, but jogging seems to clear everyone’s heads in the movies and shit, so I’m gonna give it a try. I bring up one leg to stretch my quads.
“Seriously, she’s perfect for you. What did you do?” Apparently Nadiya has followed me out.
Thankfully Jessie stayed inside.
“It’s none of your business. She ended it.” I switch legs.
“Oh no, you don’t. You’re not going to sit here and blame her. Because that girl who walked out of here wasn’t a girl who wanted to end it. She might’ve been given no choice, but she didn’t want it to end.” Her finger’s pointing at me and her voice is rising.
“Ne vmeshivaisya v eto, Nadiya,” I say, bending to touch my toes.
“You are my business. The minute my brother chose you to be his best friend, that made you my business.”
I roll my eyes again and stretch my arms over my head. “Well, your brother is dead, so take me off your list of concerns.”
Her hand lifts and I see it coming before I feel it. She slaps me across the face.