The truth was that leaving the safety of my house was torture. I think she believed that if I kept doing it, it would get easier, but it didn’t. The anxiety and panic bubbled just beneath the surface, and I didn’t draw a full breath until we were back home. With any other woman, I would have just said no, but I found that being with Annabelle overruled my need to stay within the cocoon of my safe space. As for tonight, at least a midnight pancake run wouldn’t take long and I’d be sitting down, and so it was that I found myself in the passenger seat while she drove us to the neighborhood Denny’s.
“I miss diners,” she said. “There just aren’t that many diners in Phoenix. Back East, every town has two or three diners usually in those weird, silver tube-like buildings, you know, so you feel like you’re eating in an old railroad car. The coffee is hot, the food is plentiful, and the grease is thick enough to write your name in.”
“That may be true,” I said. It was true. There really weren’t that many authentic diners in Phoenix. “But we do have Mel’s Diner from the show Alice.”
“No, suh,” she said in full Boston mode.
“Yes, suh,” I countered. “It’s over on Grand Avenue, but it’s only breakfast and lunch. We should go sometime.” I couldn’t believe I’d just said that.
The smile she sent me about stopped my heart. “I’d love that!”
Of course she would.
We parked at the Denny’s and walked in. The place was hopping for one o’clock in the morning, and as I glanced around the restaurant, I felt woefully underdressed.
“Did we crash a party?” I asked.
“No, sugar, we always come here after a show.” A deep voice spoke from behind me. I turned to find a very tall black man, dressed in a glorious blond wig and a gold lamé dress, with full makeup and in heels. While I gaped and pretended not to, Annabelle extended her hand and said, “Hi, are you a performer?”
“Phoenix’s finest female impersonator, at your service.” He curtsied and then struck a sexy pose. “Did you recognize me?”
“No, I’m sorry,” she said. “I’m new in town.”
“You’re forgiven then, cutie,” he said. He batted his long purple eyelashes at her. “I’m ManDee. You can catch me at Club Twenty-One every Friday at nine thirty.”
“I’ll definitely check it out,” she promised.
“Bring this handsome fella with you, too.” ManDee winked at me and sauntered away as if the industrial flooring beneath his enormous high-heeled feet were the red carpet.
Annabelle and I watched him for a moment and she said, “I sure wish I could walk like that.”
I glanced down at her, noting that she still wore the afterglow of our evening’s activities, and I felt a ridiculous burst of pride that I’d given her that sleepy-eyed sated look.
“If you walked into a room like that, I’d probably keel over dead of a heart attack,” I said. She laughed but I’d only been partly kidding.
We ordered piles of pancakes, eggs, bacon, and orange juice to wash it all down. Annabelle kept up with me in the food department, and I started to look forward to going home so we could work it all off.
We were slumped in our seats on either side of the booth, waiting for the waitress to bring the check, when I happened to glance out the window. The usual midnight fare of drunks, hipsters, and dates that didn’t want to end filled the area, but amid all of that, I still saw them.
I felt the hair on the back of my neck stand on end as I watched the family drama play out in the parking lot. A feeling of déjà vu hit me so hard, I couldn’t breathe.
The man appeared strung out, and the woman was crying. The children—oh god, the children—a boy standing beside his mother, visibly trying not to cry, and a baby in the mother’s arms, fussing because she looked exhausted. I watched as the husband threw his hands in the air and started to walk away. The mother shoved the baby into the boy’s arms and ran after the man. I watched the boy comfort his baby sister, looking scared, lost, and confused. I thought I might throw up.
“Nick, are you all right?” Annabelle reached across the table and patted my hand. I realized she’d been speaking but I’d missed it.
“Yeah, come on,” I said. I slid out of the booth, and with a surprised look, she followed. I grabbed our waitress on the way out and shoved a fistful of bills at her. “Will that cover it?”
“More than,” she said. She went to hand me back a twenty but I shook her off.
“Keep it.”
Her eyes went wide. “Thank you!”
I barely heard her as I was already shoving my way out the door, past the line of people trying to get in.
“Nick, wait, what’s going on?” Annabelle asked from behind me. “Are you all right? Do you feel okay? Should I call Jackson?”
“I’m fine,” I said. The night air was chilly and not appropriate for two little kids to be out in. I strode across the parking lot. The husband was gone and the mother was coming back to her children. She was crying but she opened her arms and they clambered into the safety of her embrace. I felt the panic inside me ease, just a little.
“Hi,” I called out to her. Her eyes went wide and she looked in both directions as if searching for an escape. She started to pull her children in the direction of the bus stop. “Wait. You look like you could use some help. Can I help you?”
“No, we’re fine,” she said. Her voice shook. “Go away. Leave us alone.”
It was clear. She was terrified. She probably thought I was social services, coming to take her kids.
“Do you have a safe place to sleep tonight?” Annabelle asked as she stepped up beside me.
The woman ignored her and continued to pull the boy, still holding the baby, away. He wasn’t having it. He locked his legs and said, “Mom, wait.”
“Not now, Elijah,” his mother hissed. “Abigail needs—”
“Daddy’s gone and we have no place to go,” Elijah interrupted. His voice was wobbly, and he sounded so very tired. “Please just listen to him.”
My throat got tight. I knew this boy. I’d been this boy. I swallowed hard, blinked twice, and forced a gentle smile.
“Have you heard of the Sunshine House?” I asked.
The woman stopped pulling her son and nodded. “They help women and children . . .”
“When their spouse or parent has an addiction problem,” I said. I reached into my pocket for my wallet and she flinched. “I’m just going to get my card.”