“So do you.”
There was such a tone of finality, of confidence, of conviction in Nuke’s tone that she almost believed it. But…she was here with bad intentions. She was giving up his Crew for her sister’s life. He didn’t understand. She hoped he never did.
“Ren saved me, in a way.”
“How?” he asked.
“In Crow Blooded tradition, if you give someone a gift of intention, it blesses the union. Children will come easier and prosperity will coat the bond. If that gift is lost or stolen? It’s a very bad omen. Not just one the mating, but on the entire Murder.” Trina rested her hand under her cheek and curled her knees to her chest. “The night he gave me his mother’s amulet in front of the Murder, I was terrified. He’d turned sour already, and I didn’t want to wear it. I didn’t want anything to do with him, but I was trapped. I hesitated on saying yes. I couldn’t pull my poker face together, I just stared at the ugly thing dangling from his fingers as he told me how I would take my place as queen by his side. My words froze in my throat and I remember my stomach felt like it dropped straight out of my body and to the floor. My delayed reaction made Manning mad. Very mad. Just…furious. Red crept up his neck and into his cheeks and the veins popped in his forehead and his eyes were full of rage. I was scared. He hadn’t been kind with his touch before that night, but this was the first time he smacked me in front of the Murder. It hurt and I was ashamed. I remember when I opened my eyes, Ren was yelling at Manning, and he smacked her too. She looked as shocked as I felt, and I wanted to help. I wanted to kill him. Ren had been nice to me, and she was kind to stick up to a king for me. She went submissive. That’s what I thought, but when she snuck me a look, I could tell she was planning something. She was mad. Ooooh, she looked mad. I don’t know if she’s ever been smacked before, but that lit some kind of fire in her. We shared a bedroom, and that night when I came in to go to bed, she was throwing some clothes into a bag. She was going to leave. I got in bed. I was crying, curled in on myself, and she didn’t say a word. I heard the door open, and I was afraid it was Manning, but it was just Ren leaving. She stood up straight, lifted her chin in the air, and she took my amulet from the dresser by the door. She waited there for a few seconds, like she was waiting for me to stop her. I didn’t. I wanted her to take it. And she did. She left that night, and Manning and his Murder went crazy looking for her and the amulet.”
“No one will ever lay a hand on you again,” Nuke promised. His silver pupils had dilated and the dragon was obvious there. The rumble from his throat made his promise seem even more real. “That’s what you meant by sanctuary. It’s Ren.”
“It was.” Now it’s you. That last part, she kept to herself.
“I had a younger brother,” he said suddenly.
Had. “What happened to him?”
He swallowed hard, his Adam’s apple dipping low. “Me.”
She didn’t understand. “Is he…is he dead?”
“Died of dragon’s fire.”
Realization froze her into place. “Whose dragon fire?”
“His name was Tovlin. Someone found out what we were. My mom was human, and my dad was like me, and they had three Dragon Blooded sons. Someone found out, and I never figured out how. They hired a dragon. Fuck…I didn’t even know there was another one. We thought we were the last ones left. He was big. An ancient one maybe. We were in Siberia, out in the middle of nowhere. We weren’t hurting anyone. Just changing when we had to, burning the earth when we had to, eating ash when we had to. We imprisoned ourselves in the cold, in discomfort, to keep the humans safe. We would’ve stayed there all our lives. It was our duty to keep people safe…from us. It was our job. The dragon came, and he burned everything. Burned everyone. Only Tovlin and I were left and he told me it was okay.”
“What was okay?” she whispered in horror.
Nuke blinked slowly, and when he opened his eyes again, they saw something that wasn’t here. Another world, another time. “If we both fought the dragon, we could avenge our brothers, our parents. But my dragon was the worst of us. They had control, but me? My dragon was awful from the first change. Bigger than the others, darker, lethal, no empathy, no control, no right-or-wrong, no conscience. Just…death. All he does is kill, and burn, and eat ash. Tovlin knew it, and he said it was okay.”
Her eyes burned with tears. The desolation in his tone burned a hole right through her heart. “Did you kill him?”
“I killed the rogue dragon with him, and then I killed him. My dragon killed my brother, and as much as I wanted to, as much as I was screaming in my mind, I couldn’t stop him. I’ll never get it out of my head. The love you have for your sister? I had that for all of my brothers. Tovlin, I was closest to. He was my brother and my best friend. I wish the rogue would’ve killed him, but he’d only hurt him. We can only die by dragon’s fire. Tovlin was hurt by his fire, but he died by mine.”
“Oh my gosh,” she whispered.
“So, you see…I have to carry that with me always. That knowledge that when I miss him, his loss is on me. I dream about him. I think about him. His happiness was everything, and I took it from him. He knew I would. He told me it was okay. He was scared of my dragon, and he still made sure I knew it was okay. He should be here. I should not. And if I’m forced to be here, unable to die because there are no dragons left to kill me by fire, then I’ll live protecting other brothers who are targeted for being what they are.”
“The Banes.”
“Yes. I need a purpose. I need something to protect.” He cocked his head and something unfathomable washed through his expression. “I came here and found the purpose I was looking for.”
He killed his brother. He killed him in the aftermath of a war, and how terrifying was it that this shifter had so little control of a monster that could wreak havoc on the entire earth? “Do you have any control?”
“No.” He clenched his jaw hard and amended, “Not until tonight.”
“What do you mean?”
“You pulled me off a hunt, and made the dragon go still. That was the first time I have ever felt in control of the monster. He froze and just…watched you. Watched your animal. He didn’t want to come out, because he didn’t want to hurt you.” Grave seriousness took his tone when he murmured, “He won’t hurt you. These other motherfuckers,” he said with a twinkle in his eye. “The dragon would burn to ash, and eat, and then piss on their scorch marks, but you? You’re the only one in the world who is safe from the devil inside of me.”
It was a broken man’s admission, and a monster’s compliment.
It shouldn’t have touched her, but it did. She should be terrified after what he’d just admitted…but she wasn’t. Instead, she was hurt for him. She could see the agony in his eyes as he’d told her that story. She witnessed the tears that welled, but refused to fall as he had talked about his brother.
“I should give you some space to think about what you just learned about me.”
He rocked upward and made to get off the mattress, but she shoved her hand out and stilled him. “I can think with you here.”