The raccoon reached its paw up toward me and trilled at me, that was the only word I had for it. I reached my finger out toward that small, raised hand and felt calmer. My finger touched its palm and the finger wrapped around the tip of my finger. It wasn’t solid-solid, not real for lack of a better term, but for a second, I swear I felt something. It startled me, made me take my hand back. I didn’t know if I wanted to wipe my hand on napkins to get the sensation off my skin, or if I wanted to touch it and see if I could feel its fur like a phantom touch.
“What in Heaven is that?” I asked.
“What does it look like?” Emma asked.
I leaned over the table toward them as if it was a secret, so I could say, “A raccoon.”
“Do you know someone with one as a totem?” Emma asked.
“Yes, could she have sent it to me?”
“Does she know that you could see it?”
I nodded.
“Is she a witch, or shaman?”
“Witch,” I said.
“She could send her totem to give you a message or even watch over you if she thought you were in danger, but that’s usually a real version of the animal, and it’s usually only done if they are very close to you. Have you ever been in a relationship with this friend?”
“No.”
“Some witches will send their totems to look in on loved ones, children, lovers, but not usually just friends.”
I looked under the table, but the raccoon was gone, and I was relieved; when I looked up at the others their totems were gone, too.
“I’ve seen you stand up to demons, Z; why did this spook you?” Jamie asked.
“It didn’t,” I lied, and then the look in his face made me say, “I don’t know, but spooked is a good word for it. I’m not afraid, but it did bother me.”
“Please tell me it’s not some guy thing where you don’t think a raccoon is a manly enough totem for you?” Emma said. She quirked an eyebrow at me.
I smiled and laughed, trying to think my way through it before I answered. “I don’t think so, but it’s just it looks identical to the raccoon of my friend, but I’m new to this so maybe I just don’t know the animal well enough to see differences.”
“It could be an animal messenger instead of a totem,” she said.
“What’s the difference?” I asked.
“A messenger comes to deliver a message or a life lesson, but it’s not your co-walker, and it’s usually only a temporary companion.”
“Do you think doing magic with my friend’s totem activated it for me?”
“It could,” she said, but not like she believed it.
“Tell me what you’re thinking,” I said.
She smiled. “Was it that obvious?”
“Yes,” Jamie and I said at the same time, which made us all laugh.
“When you worked magic with your friend, you said you saw a bear and a raccoon; which was the clearest to you or which did you interact with the most?”
“The raccoon; the bear and other spirit guides were much less . . . real to me.”
“Then either this is your main totem, or it’s a messenger for a life lesson, or even a temporary animal guide.”
“What’s the difference between the three?”
“Main totems are with you for years or even for your entire life. They are the animal that most represents you, or teaches you, either the closest to your own personality, or the animal that has characteristics that you don’t have and need the most.”
“That makes sense,” I said.
“A messenger totem can just come in for a moment, or even be a real bird, animal, or insect that interacts with you in an unusual way for just one message, like you shouldn’t go down that alley because you’ll get hurt, so a rat comes and stands in your way, or a flock of sparrows attracts your attention and saves you from walking out into the street so a speeding car misses you, that kind of thing.”
“Okay, I get that.”
“An animal guide can be with you on and off for a lifetime, coming back when you need to relearn a lesson, or you need its strength or skill again. It can stay with you for months or even years, but usually days to months.”
“If a raccoon has come into my life to be a guide, what is it guiding me for, or to?”
“If you were pagan I’d say go into a sacred space and meditate on raccoon until you figure out what it means to you.”
“But since I’m not pagan?” I asked.
“We have some books at the shop on totems and working with animal guides. I’d say start there.”
“Okay,” I said.
We finished our tea, talking about the halfway house that Jamie was staying in, and that Emma’s professor had helped her get him a place in it. That he was working one afternoon a week at Harm None, and it had gone well enough that there was talk of more hours. Emma wanted to do traditional counseling at Harm None after she finished her degree, but not everyone at the shop was excited at the idea. They were happy doing reiki, tarot, and other metaphysical healing and guidance work, and many of them were strangely dubious of traditional therapy without magic.
“I might even work here at the Cauldron if one of the staff calls in sick,” Jamie said.
“The people who own Harm None also own part of the Cozy Cauldron,” Emma explained.
“Maybe you could get one of the shop fronts that’s for rent here to be your counseling place. Then you could do regular counseling and send patients to Harm None for magical therapy if needed, and they could do it in reverse,” I suggested.
She gave me a smile so happy that it was like sunshine on my face. I didn’t have to concentrate to hear wings as she said, “That’s a good idea, Zaniel. That way, Harm None can stay what it is, which is a great shop, and we can offer more services at a different, but close location. It’s a perfect solution.” I realized that I didn’t know if the wings were angels or doves, just that I could “hear” them around her.
“I told you, Z was the smart one,” Jamie said.
“You are smart,” she said, at the same time I said, “I did some seriously stupid things that you wouldn’t have done, or I wouldn’t have done if you’d been with me to tell me better.”
“Really?” Jamie asked, and he looked serious again.
“Absolutely, you were always more cautious than me, or Suriel. You kept us out of trouble.”
“I tried, but sometimes Suriel came up with the best ideas.”
We laughed together, remembering what it had been like before everything went wrong. I looked across the table at Jamie and realized that things were going right again. I was so grateful as I watched him smile across the table at me. I saw the phantom edge of an exceptionally long red furred arm across his shoulders as if his totem was hugging him, and I was grateful for that, too. If having a spirit animal guide helped Jamie heal, I was all for it. Something brushed against my leg, not quite as solid as a real animal, but enough to make me look under the table and meet the glittering gaze of the raccoon again.
“Let’s go look at those books on totems,” I said.
CHAPTER FORTY-TWO