“Hi, Havoc, aren’t you supposed to be resting, too?” Ravensong sounded so ordinary and like her usual self that it made me smile.
“I wanted to check on you, see how you’re doing.”
“I’m okay and the hand works.”
“I’m sorry that I couldn’t give you back . . . more,” I said, which was a totally inadequate word for not being able to give her back her hand, complete and whole.
“The doctors would have cut my hand off, Havoc, you and I both know that, so stop beating yourself up about cosmetic issues. Besides, all the other witches will be jealous they don’t have their own dainty demonic hand.” She tried to make a joke of it, and it made me feel worse.
I caught movement out of the corner of my eye and focused on the raccoon gazing up at me with big eyes; it looked like it was trying to talk to me, but there was no sound.
“Are you missing anything since we healed you earlier?” I asked.
“Missing something? The extra flesh of that monstrous hand, but other than that, I’m fine. I mean, if you could have shaved a few pounds off other places so I didn’t have to keep hitting the gym that would have been great, but I forgot to ask if there’s an angelic weight loss program.” Another joke; her trying to make me feel better when she was the one who was permanently changed was making me feel worse.
The raccoon waved its paws at me almost like it was asking me to give it the phone, but I knew it wasn’t solid enough for that. “I’ve got . . . somebody here who wants to talk to you.”
“Put them on the phone.”
“I don’t know how,” I said.
“No more riddles, Havoc, it’s been a long day.” Her voice held tiredness and the edge of exasperation. If I pushed hard enough, she’d get angry with me and part of me thought I deserved it. Surrie had been my friend and she was the reason Ravensong was missing one of her totems now.
Some teenagers were peering into the case of crystals near me. I lowered my voice and asked, “Are you missing one of your totems, or spirit guides?”
She was quiet for a second and then said, “Son of a bitch. Where is the little bugger?”
“I think he’s with me.”
“Why would my totem be with you?”
“It’s complicated and I’m in public.”
“It’s not impossible to damage a witch’s ties to their totems and guides, but it’s not an easy type of magic and it will come back and bite you on your karmic ass so hard that you’ll wish you hadn’t done it.” She sounded angry now, and now I felt I didn’t deserve it, not for this, this hadn’t been my fault.
“I didn’t do anything to cause this,” I said.
“Then how did it happen?”
I glanced at the teenagers, who were close enough that I had to move to let them see something in the cases. I looked for Emma, but she was out of sight in the store, still helping other customers. The door to the room where Bast had taken Jamie was still closed.
“Talk to me, Havoc,” Ravensong said.
“Let me get someplace quieter,” I said, having to move so that the teenagers could get a better look at stones in the case behind me. I looked around the store and finally spotted Emma walking with an older woman, but their backs were to me as they looked at books. God help me, I didn’t want to leave Jamie upset. I didn’t want him to think that I’d abandoned him again.
“Havoc, talk to me,” Ravensong said; her patience was starting to wear thin, and I couldn’t blame her.
“I’m here, Athena, just give me a second.” I pushed through the doors to the sidewalk. It was a lot less crowded than the store. I stood where I could glance in the windows in case I saw Jamie, but I owed Ravensong my attention.
“You almost never call me by my first name unless you’re at the house socializing with the missus and me,” she said, her voice wary now instead of angry.
“I just learned that some of the people at the College of Angels may be stripping people of their totems and guides, all except their Guardian Angels.”
“I’d heard the rumor,” she said.
“I hadn’t,” I said.
“You don’t hang out with enough pagans to hear the rumors.”
“I’ve talked to someone who has regained his totem after the College stripped it away from him as a child.”
“Are you saying that your little friend from the College, the Infernalist, took my raccoon?” Her voice rose, the anger back and hotter than before.
“No, she may have tried, but somehow it’s with me.”
“What do you mean, it’s with you?” She sounded surprised, maybe even shocked.
“When I was able to see my friend’s totem and his girlfriend’s totem, then I could see the raccoon with me. It looked like the same one that I saw with you in the interrogation room, but I’m not an expert on raccoons so the friend told me to call and check with you.”
“I can’t guarantee it’s mine, but I’m missing my little guy and it would be a hell of a coincidence if it was someone else’s raccoon that you absconded with.”
“I didn’t abscond with anyone. The friend thinks that when the Infernalist tried to strip it away from you, it hid using my energy so she couldn’t damage its tie to you.”
“That raccoon has been my co-walker through life for over thirty years, so I’d call that damaged.”
“But he’s not gone, in fact he’s looking at me like he wants me to hand him the phone again, but he’s not that solid.” Then I realized that I didn’t know much about totems yet, so I added, “Is he? I mean, can a totem be solid enough to hold a phone?”
“Not really, or not usually, but then you’re not supposed to be able to take someone’s totem away from them. Trauma or abuse can change your totem, either its nature from nice to more protective, or even switch one animal for another that will help you survive what you’re going through, but it’s not possible to steal someone’s totem.”
“I thought you said that magic could do exactly that?”
“It’s possible to damage someone’s totem, or their connection to it, or sometimes in rare cases totems can even take some of the mental or emotional damage so the human they’re with doesn’t suffer the full brunt of it, but no magic can steal it from you.”
“Guardian Angels do that, take some of the mental and emotional and spiritual damage for the people they guard, especially children,” I said.
“One day we’ll sit down and have a long discussion on the differences between totems, angels, spirit guides, the works, but right now I need you to come for a visit, so I can get back with my little buddy there.”
“Let me say goodbye to my friend and I’ll head your way, and I’m sorry, Ravensong, sorry about all of it.”
“You didn’t do anything wrong, Havoc, you backed me up magically like you’ve done a dozen times before. I’m too upset to meditate about it yet, but I think my raccoon even tried to warn me off, he was certainly waving at me just before everything went sideways. If a witch ignores her own guides, then it’s her own damn fault.”
“I’m still sorry that your hand isn’t completely back to normal, and that Suriel seems to have tried to strip you of your totem.”