“No, stay! Watch home movies with us! Um…” Rachel looked at the bottle of wine, which wasn’t far from being empty. “I guess you can have what’s left of the wine.”
“But no chocolates,” Amanda decided.
“I’m good, thanks. I’d really better go find Noah.”
“Good luck,” they both called to me. I stopped by my room to grab a jacket, then passed Lee on his way back from the kitchen, already digging into a heaping plate of macaroni and cheese.
“I’m gonna go look for Noah.”
“You sure you don’t wanna stay and hang out? He’ll probably come crawling home soon.”
I shook my head, fidgeting with the jacket I was holding. “Nah, I…I’d rather just clear the air, you know?”
“Any idea where he is?”
I shook my head. “I figured I’d go check down on the beach, then—”
As I said it, we both turned at the noise of Noah’s motorcycle engine growling outside. The sound cut a moment later.
“Mystery solved,” Lee muttered. He shoved some more pasta into his mouth, set the fork down on the plate to pat my shoulder, and then carried on to the rumpus room. I braced myself as I went in the opposite direction, opening the front door to find Noah stopped halfway up the porch, fiddling with his keys and scowling at the floor, his lips moving silently—like he was giving himself a pep talk.
He glanced up, looking surprised to see me. “Oh.”
“Expecting someone else?”
“I…figured you’d still be mad at me.”
I shrugged. Maybe I still was, just a bit. Enough that I wasn’t going to forgive him too quickly.
Noah sighed heavily. His hair fell into his eyes, such a bright blue that they were striking even through the dark. He was wearing the T-shirt I’d seen him in earlier and his usual leather jacket. “Can we go for a walk?”
I nodded, pulling on my jacket and closing the door behind me. Noah offered his hand, and for a minute I considered not taking it and walking ahead of him, just to make a point, but…
My hand slipped into his, fitting so well. Our fingers slotted together like this was exactly where they belonged. I got a waft of that citrus scent I would forever associate with Noah. It was comforting, even if we were technically still having an argument.
This far out, it was a private stretch of beach, for residents only. We both took our shoes and socks off, leaving them behind as we walked down to the shore, the sea washing over our ankles.
“It’s so quiet. I’ve never seen it this quiet.”
I felt Noah shrug beside me. “Like my mom said, the land’s valuable. People have been selling up, I guess.”
We kept walking in silence. There were a thousand things I could say to him, and wanted to say, but I knew Noah had something on his mind, something he wanted to say. He was unnervingly quiet and I could see the tension in his shoulders. His breathing was a little too measured: slow and even, in for three, out for three, in for three…
Besides. This whole stupid fight was his fault. I wasn’t going to give him the satisfaction of forgiving him before he apologized.
Eventually, Noah came to a stop, stepping in front of me and turning to face me. “I’m sorry. I know it looked like I was being a dick earlier, and…and I know I probably was,” he added in a huff, “but I really didn’t mean to ruin race day for you. I’m sorry.”
“I’m not mad you ruined race day,” I told him.
“Yeah, I know.” His mouth twitched humorlessly. “I’m sorry about that, too, though. It wasn’t just my fault, you know. He was getting pretty rough on the track, too. Which…yeah,” he added, seeing me raise my eyebrows, “isn’t an excuse. I’m just saying, it’s not all my fault. But you were right. I should’ve been the bigger person and…and…and just shaken his hand.”
“And you think maybe you should’ve not made a bitchy comment about me always going running to Levi?”
Noah took my other hand in his, looking down at our hands and nodding. “Yeah.”
“I know you thought I broke up with you to be with Levi last fall, but that’s not what this is about. It’s not like he’s my backup plan for you. He’s my friend. And that’s all there is.”
“For you.”
“Oh, Jesus, Noah.” I started to draw back, but Noah held me fast, one of his hands letting go of mine to cup my face instead. I pushed it away. “Okay, fine. Look. Just…for argument’s sake, okay, let’s just say that you were right, and Levi does have a crush on me still. Just say. I don’t feel that way about him. And Levi knows that. He knows I’m in love with you. And he’s not the kind of guy who’s going to make a move on me as long as we’re together. I’m not saying you have to like him, but…I’m not going to stop being friends with him.”
“I’m not asking you to do that.”
“You say you trust me, Noah. We had whole fights about trusting each other last year and I can’t do that again. So right now, I…I need you to trust Levi.”
He scowled. “I hardly know the guy, Elle.”
“Then be civil to him,” I tried. I reminded myself that if I were in his shoes, I’d probably be finding it hard to trust a relative stranger, too. It was easy for me to say he could trust Levi, but another thing for Noah to know that for himself.
“I’ll try,” he promised me. “And I’m sorry.”
“Yeah, you’d better be. You big lug.” I pushed gently at his chest and he caught my hand, using it to pull me into his arms. His lips ghosted over my temple, down my cheek, along my jaw, and down to the crook of my neck. He pressed a kiss there and held me tight to him. I wrapped my arms around him in return, fingers reaching up to play with the hair at the nape of his neck. Noah sighed into me.
I loved him so much it hurt sometimes. I’d found it really tough, being away from him this last year. Living together so far this summer hadn’t exactly been a picnic twenty-four seven, but it wasn’t as hard as being apart. I knew how wonderful it would be to be at Harvard with him next year.
But sometimes, like today, being in a relationship was tough.
It all felt worth it, though, to be in his arms like this.
“I love you,” I murmured into his shoulder. “But you make it real hard sometimes, Noah.”
“Don’t ever let me forget it, huh?”