Aside from when I’d started dating Noah, I didn’t make a habit of keeping secrets from Lee or lying to him. (The application to Harvard didn’t count, I kept telling myself, since I never thought I’d get in.)
It would be so easy to just tell him.
But I couldn’t do that. I knew exactly how it would sound: that I didn’t want to be here, that I didn’t want to be doing the bucket list, that I wanted to pick Noah over him yet again, that our friendship was a burden and getting in the way of my relationship.
I knew exactly how it’d sound, so I kept my mouth shut.
“It’s just been A DAY, you know?” I settled on saying.
He gave a breath of laughter. “Tell me about it. I totally forgot to tell Rachel about this, so she thought we were going to have dinner with her folks. My bad, totally. But she was cool with it. She gets this summer’s important to us.”
That makes one of them.
I decided not to mention how disgruntled Rachel had looked when she’d gotten home to the beach house earlier this evening.
Lee started talking again about race day (how many hits the video had now, how epic it had been), what was next up on the bucket list, if we’d have time to head to the arcade again in the next couple of days. I indulged him, doing my best to put the fight with Noah out of my mind.
It wasn’t about picking one Flynn brother over the other. It never had been.
But when it came down to it, Lee was like a part of me. Without him, I’d feel like I was missing a limb. I’d be missing part of my soul. I already knew what it was like to be apart from Noah and that had been enough of a struggle. I was dreading leaving Lee.
So while it wasn’t about picking Lee or Noah over the other…maybe it was, just a little. And this summer it had to be Lee.
Chapter Twenty-Four
If I’d thought things had been rough two days ago, it was only getting worse. Noah and I had barely spoken. He’d been out yesterday to show Amanda around the city a little—an impromptu decision, with an obvious reason behind his sudden zest for local tourism—and I’d pretended to be asleep when he came to bed last night.
It was probably totally childish, but I didn’t really have it in me to care. I just hadn’t been able to face another discussion that’d probably turn into a heated debate, if not a full-on argument.
After an early start to go tick off another bucket-list item with Lee (number twelve: rappelling), I was back at work, doing the lunch and dinner shifts.
My dad had been trying to get a hold of me for the last couple of days, too.
I’d sent him a short text to say I was busy, I had things to do, and if he needed someone to help out with Brad, maybe Linda could do it. Precious Linda. Stupid Linda. Making-herself-at-home-in-my-kitchen Linda.
Lee knew something was up. He knew me too well.
Weirdly, the only person I felt like talking to about Linda was Amanda. She hadn’t been judgmental when I’d told her about Linda originally and it somehow seemed less scary to tell her than to talk to Lee or Noah about it. (Not that Noah and I were exactly talking right now anyway…)
So without wanting to hurt Lee’s feelings by explaining that the tension between me and Noah was because of him and the bucket list, and without going into the whole Linda thing, I just kept shrugging it off and saying, “It’s no big deal. I’m just kind of tired from everything that’s going on. Work’s crazy, you know?”
The last part wasn’t even a lie.
Work was crazy, today especially. There had been some surfing competition on the beach and we were swamped. There wasn’t even a lull between lunch and dinner the way there usually was.
The douchebags from earlier in the week had shown up, but May was quick to tell them, politely and in no uncertain terms, that they would have to take their business elsewhere. They started to object until one of them spotted me and I gave an enthusiastic wave, holding up a tray of brightly colored virgin cocktails I was taking to table thirty, at which point they gave in and left.
That was about the best part of the day.
I dropped an entire order before I even made it out of the kitchen. I mixed up at least three other orders. I forgot to pick up the check at table twenty-four for so long the dad eventually marched up to me, credit card in hand, and demanded to speak to my manager if he was going to be kept waiting like this. The kids at table thirty-three left it a total mess—spilled drinks, ketchup all over the table, half a burger smooshed into the seat, and fries floating in half a milkshake.
My pants had ripped at some point. I didn’t even know when, but I did know the right leg was currently torn halfway up my shin, the fabric flapping around even though I’d tucked the ends into my sock. When I took a bathroom break, I realized there was pen on my face. I didn’t even bother trying to rub it off.
I had just finished taking the order from a large family group of twelve and given them what I hoped was a smile, when, as I stepped away, I careered forward. My arms flung out, pulling a plate off one table and half strangling some poor girl at another as I tried to catch myself.
Struggling to stand back up, I found the laces of my shoes tied together. Some snot-nosed kid who couldn’t have been more than four or five at the table I’d just been waiting on was giggling hysterically.
His mother looked mortified, taking turns apologizing profusely to me and scolding her son.
“It’s fine,” I told her, leaning forward to fix my shoelaces. Damn, the kid tied a good knot. Finally fixing them, I trudged back to the bar, clipping the order up for the chef.
A hand landed lightly on my shoulder. “You doing okay there, Elle?”
I looked at May. She had such a concerned look on her face I almost cried. Not trusting my voice, I nodded.
She didn’t look totally convinced, though. “Why don’t you take a break? Kaylie just got here. She can look after your tables for a little bit.”
“B-but—”
“Hey. No arguing with the boss. Take a break. That’s an order, okay?”
I sniffled, giving her the world’s most pathetic smile and trudging outside. I just needed some fresh air, that was all. A couple of minutes to get some fresh air, and I’d be fine. I was just tired. I was just run off my feet.
I was just…
Falling apart.
“Elle?”
I jumped at the sound of my name, a familiar voice—and then jumped again when a car door opened and clipped me on the hip. “Oof!”
“Shit, sorry. I didn’t realize you were that close.” Levi pulled himself out of his car and cracked a smile. “We’ve gotta stop bumping into each other like this.”