“Good for you,” I said.
“I take it you’re not good company.” He didn’t make any show of leaving.
Even as I glared at him, wanting to get him as far away from me as humanly possible, it didn’t help.
“Why are you here?”
“You don’t call or write, and you don’t eat anymore. I came to see if you were dead.”
“You’re not funny.”
“I’m not intending to be funny. I don’t know any jokes or anything.” He folded his arms across his chest.
I wasn’t in the mood to talk to him. “Can you please just leave me alone?” I asked. I didn’t even know why I was attempting to be polite. This man was an asshole in school. I didn’t care what Emily said, it wouldn’t change who he was. The man was just a bigger one now than ever before.
“Does everyone do what you ask them to do?” he asked.
My thoughts went to Earl, and I shook my head. “No.”
“You know, I don’t know why you’re angry. Shouldn’t you be happy about being let go?”
“Drake, please, go away.”
“Not happening, doll. I just don’t understand it. This guy only ever wanted your virginity, and I’m guessing because you’re sitting up here moping, not eating, and scaring Emily half to death, there has to be another reason.”
Tears filled my eyes, and with each word he spoke, my heart began to shatter.
“Right from the start, you knew this was a done deal. You weren’t anything special to him, and a woman’s hymen isn’t going to last long. One good fuck, and it’s gone.”
“Enough!” I screamed the word, hoping he’d shut up. “I get that I wasn’t important to him. Okay? I understand that all I was to him was a piece of virginal flesh. A cherry for him to pop. I’m so sorry I can’t be a mechanical asshole and not have feelings. He was doing what he wanted to do, and I fell in love with the fucking bastard. There, will that make you happy? Will that get you to leave me the fuck alone so I can be miserable in peace?” Each word got louder as my rage took over. I was so upset, I just couldn’t stop it, and saying how I loved him out loud only served to make it worse.
Covering my face with my hands, I sobbed.
I couldn’t stop.
The truth was I was so fucking heartbroken. Even though I’d spent all of my time with Earl knowing I was going to be let go of and tossed aside, the actual fact of it hurt. I’d tried to protect myself, but it didn’t work. I’d fallen in love with a man who would never, not in a million years, love me back.
I jerked back as Drake wrapped his arms around me. It was so unexpected, and I tried to pull away.
“I’m not going to hurt you. Just holding you. Let it out.”
I didn’t trust this. Drake wasn’t a good man, at least not the last time I met him, and yet, he held me as I sobbed out my pain.
It hurt so badly. I couldn’t control it. I’d never experienced this kind of hurt. Even my mother’s selfishness couldn’t compare to the pain I felt right now.
Drake stroked my hair, and I don’t know how much time had passed, but eventually, the tears stopped coming. The pain didn’t.
My chest was hollow. I was so unhappy.
“Are you okay?” he asked.
“No, I’m really not okay.”
“Look. I know this isn’t my place to say, but locking yourself up here, not eating, you won’t heal this way.”
I tucked some hair behind my ear. “What makes you such an expert?” I asked. It wasn’t spiteful or mean, just fact.
“Easy, I understand it.”
“You’ve been heartbroken?”
“No, but I’ve been hurt. It’s not the same kind of level, but I understand you, Ashley. We all do on some level. Even Emily. It’s breaking her heart to see you like this.”
“I can leave,” I said. “I don’t want to hurt or upset anyone. I’m trying to get through it. I even promised myself I wouldn’t feel anything for him. He’s a horrible person, and he does horrible things.”
Drake got up and grabbed a few tissues, handing them back to me, and I blew my nose on them.
“You’re up and walking again,” I said.
“Don’t turn this on to me. I’m fine and I heal fast. Just because he did horrible things doesn’t mean you can’t love the person. He hasn’t been horrible to you.”
“No, because fucking me and dumping me is a way of life.”
“Then don’t give him chance to think he won,” Drake said. “You’ve got your life. He didn’t dump you at one of his auctions. You ever thought that maybe Earl did love you?”
“No, he didn’t.”
Drake sighed. “He loved you enough to let you go. To start a life for yourself. He didn’t kill you, nor did he sell you. That’s a pretty big step forward from the shit I’ve heard about him.”
He had a point.
Still, if Earl had loved me, would he have really let me go?
I couldn’t believe it. I didn’t believe it. He wasn’t the kind of man to let a woman go just because he felt like it.
“Thank you,” I said.
Drake’s cell phone began to buzz. “I’ve got to deal with this. We’ll talk again, right?”
“Of course. Unless you turn into a creepy guy between now and then.”
“Try to eat something. Try to do something other than sit here crying.” He surprised me even more as he stood up, cupped my face, and pressed a kiss to my forehead. I watched this man have a temper tantrum in high school. This cool, calm, collected person in his place didn’t seem real to me.
I watched him go and went back to staring out of the window.
As I watched the garden, I couldn’t help but acknowledge he had a point. If Earl didn’t feel a single thing for me, then he would’ve sold me to the next bidder. I didn’t know what good I would’ve been, seeing as I was used goods and all.
I had to look at the positives, even though they made me want to burst into tears at a moment’s notice.
I was alive. Earl didn’t love me, but he had cared. It meant something just to know he cared, even if it was just a smidge. It was something.
Getting to my feet, I decided against staying in my bedroom.
My heartache had been so acute, but it hadn’t stopped me from showering, so I didn’t stink or anything. Leaving my bedroom, I didn’t encounter Emily or her men. I nodded at the guards they had on different exits and entrances. No one stopped me as I got to the doorway into the garden.
It was nice weather. A slight chill in the air, but the sunshine glowed down.
Stepping out, I wrapped my arms around myself and walked toward the grassy area. I had a pair of sneakers on, and I took them off, allowing myself to feel the cool chill of the ground beneath my toes.
So good. Everything was different now.
My chest still felt hollow, and I didn’t know if I’d ever feel any kind of happiness, but getting up, moving forward, and accepting what it was were all parts of the process.
I was going to get through this.
One day, I’d forget about Earl, and I hoped I’d fall out of love with the bastard as well.